


Ghouls (Synyster Gates/OC story)

by natsaprat



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Psychiatric issues, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-26
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 03:27:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 64,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1372189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsaprat/pseuds/natsaprat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lauren Smith, a 22 year old dropout from England, decides she can't take living at home anymore, she moves to America to live with her brother, Cameron who's coincidentally, Avenged Sevenfold's newest roadie. But whats to happen after Lauren's created relationships, a new life and settled in to the Californian lifestyle, when her reality becomes distorted and her mind seems to stray? Will her new friends still love her or will she be forced to leave?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Own, original plot.. pleeeeaaasse dont go stealing!.. Thank you :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Caught under wheel’s roll,

Take the leech, I’m bleeding me,

Can’t stop to save my soul,

I take the leash that’s leading me,

I’m bleeding me,

Whoa,

Ooh, I can’t take it,

Caught under wheel’s roll,

Oh, the bleeding of me..”

I awoke to Metallica pleasantly roaring through my ears as someone gently shook my left shoulder. I reluctantly pulled open my eyes to see who had managed to disturb me. As my eyes adjusted, I was met with an airhost, smiling warmly down at me.

“Well, hello, sleepy head. You must be Miss Smith, right? I’m very glad to say, we are finally here at LAX...” soothed the perfect Californian accent of the slightly chubby male who had awoken me.

I groaned and stretched to pull my long, dark brown hair into a lose bun, coming down to rub my tired, leaf green eyes; it’d been a hefty 11 and a half hour flight from London, Gatwick to LAX and I was extremely glad it was over, despite being disturbed from my fairly peaceful sleep. I got up, thanked the airhost, grabbed my hand luggage and sluggishly made my way off the plane, thanking the crew one final time before the doors were closed behind me.

It took me almost 2 hours to get out of the airport, yawning and moaning, dragging my feet and suitcase behind me as I went. I finally made it through to the pickup point as I was greeted by one of the best views I’d had in a very.. very long time. My brother, Cam, and his beautiful girlfriend, Jade, were stood waiting for me at the gate. I was hit by a sudden burst of energy, screeching as my legs moved almost involuntarily as I ran towards the beaming couple.

“Lauren!”

Cam shouted as he groaned, wrapping his arms around my waist, capturing me in a much needed, secure embrace, whilst I tugged my own arms around his neck.

“Oh, I missed you!”

“I missed you too!”

We both held there for a good 5 minutes, making up for the last 4 years, consequently, the hardest 4 years of my life, we’d spent apart. All this while one of the newest members of our huge family, Jade, stood by with a tear in her eye; she knew how close me and Cameron were and how good it felt to finally see each other again.

It was then he lent down, leaning into my neck, hugging tighter, and the words leaving his mouth slowly drifting into my ear.

“Welcome to your new home of California, Lau.”

The smile I found had appeared had stretched from ear to ear. I pulled back from Cam’s body in order to get a much better view of him – Cameron was basically me in a male body. He was only a few inches taller than I but had the same vibrant, leaf green eyes, the same dark brown, ever so slightly wavy hair and the same fairly muscular build. We both had tattoos that lined our arms (although, I’d only had my right arm done, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted any more or not; I knew my Mum never approved of me having any and, to be honest, I liked my one arm...)

It wasn’t just our physical appearances that were almost identical in me and Cam though; we both had the same personalities; we both had a similar senses of humour and the same good, positive qualities (and a fair few bad) but most of all, we both adored our music. We both loved pretty much everything; anything from Eminem to My Chemical Romance to P!nk to Linkin Park to Jack Johnson to Bring Me The Horizon to a bit of the naughties pop; we both secretly loved a bit of Destiny’s Child.. (a group we liked to keep to ourselves; they were quite the guilty pleasure) to the big greats; bands like Guns n Roses and Metallica, Iron Maiden and AC/DC were all bands we were brought up on.

Cam, in fact, now worked with a huge, up-and-coming band; (of which he would not name for ‘disclosed reasons’... -_- ) off living his dream of being a big bands roadie and their #1 pyro guy!; we’d both had a passion for both music and science! It was just his scientific interests took him down the route of Chemistry and explosions whereas I, although I loved Chemistry, was much more interested in the natural world; how we worked; Biology. In fact, I’d just finished my degree at the University of Cambridge.

It was then I was broken out of my trance as Cam spoke;

“So, where’s your baby, Hud then?!” He said excitedly.

Hud (or Hudson was his full name) was my 2 year old dog. He was a mutt; a mix between a Great Dane and a Siberian Husky. He was perfect; his general physique was that of a Husky and had the markings of a Husky but had the enormous size of a Great Dane , and to top it all off, he had an enticing pair of bright green eyes, just like Cameron and I.

Unfortunately for Cam though, he’d missed Hudson’s puppy stage and had only seen him in the pictures and videos I had sent him. But now, finally, he was going to meet Hud as a fully-fledged dog.

“Oh, yes! You haven’t even met him yet!” I said, beaming, “let me just go over to the information desk and ask where I pick him up..”

I began to fuss with my bags and try to make my way over to the preened ladies sat in blue at the huge desk to the left of the hall. Cam, seeing I was struggling, grabbed my bags and followed me as we made our way towards them.

“Hello, miss, what can I do for you today?”

That smooth, perfectly American accent again... I was already growing to love it.

“Oh, yes, um, I’ve just come from London and I’ve brought my dog, do you have any idea where I can pick him up?”

“Well, each pet that comes through is given a different ID number and aisle in the loading bay, so, if you just give me his name and age, I can check where abouts he is.”

The dark blonde, perfectly tanned woman said, followed by a bright white, typical Californian grin.

“Uh, Hudson Smith, aged 2 years...”

“Okaay, thank you, he’s in aisle 4, so, if you go right around this corner here there’s a sign pointing to the loading bay. If you follow that all the way, there will be someone there to help you find your pet,” she smiled.

“Okay, thanks,” I smiled back.

I turned back to Cam and Jade and told them to wait there whilst I went and picked him up. I did as the woman said and followed the signs. I opened the door to the sound of howling and barking and my heart broke a little, thinking that could be my Hud.


	2. Chapter 2

“Um, can I help you?” grunted an overweight man in a high visibility jacket that smelled of sweat and cigarettes (I guess not every American is as cheery and happy as the others I met so far...)

“Oh, yes, I’m here to pick up my dog; Hudson Smith..”

“I’ll go get him,” the large man said bluntly as he faced his back to me and slugged off.

A few moments later the man came back with Hudson, I was glad to see that the man, that I had found was named Paul by looking at the badge on the desk I suppose he was supposed to be wearing, was having some difficulty as Hud pulled him back, not wanting to leave. Although, I was fairly heart-broken by the fact he was so scared he didn’t want to go. It was that moment, though, that the terrified dog pulled his head up and saw me. His eyes lit up, his face turning from dropped and distressed to high and happy. He then tugged away from the security guard, almost pulling him to the ground as he freed from his grasp, as he bounded towards me, almost knocking me over as he leaped up to me. He reached his head up, licking my face violently as he wept, obviously upset that we’d spent so long apart; usually we were never apart for more than a few hours, he even shook from the trauma and excitement.

“So, I’ll just let you take him then.” The man spoke as he dusted himself off.

“Oh, is there no fine or anything or?”

“Oh, right, yeah...” he shot me a quizzical look, probably because I actually offered to pay, “uh, that’s $50 for transport and $10 for care.”

“Oh, surely care would come into the price as a whole; you wouldn’t fly an animal thousands of miles across the world and not care for it..?”

“If you’ve got a problem, take it up with the manager.” I was beginning to think this man was incredibly rude.

“Oh, well, okay then...”

I took the $60 Id kept in my back pocket to give to the bafoon I stood in front of, passing it to him. He arrogantly snatched the bills from my hands to check them against the light, making sure they were real. My angst was almost at its peak; if this man could get any more obnoxious I was going to flip.

He turned his body back to me, a shit eating grin on his face, “okay, have a nice day!”

I was about to lose it when I heard Cam call from behind me, informing me it was time to go. I reluctantly turned to walk away; an over excited Hudson pulling me along. Cam was no better right now; he was ecstatic to see him, finally. Hud jumped up to Cam, his paws reaching just below his shoulders, their eyes almost level.

“Aaaw, Lau, he’s so pretty!” (words I never expected to leave my big brothers mouth, when not talking of his girlfriend) “he’s got such ace eyes! Just like me and you, ay?” he mused, tears forming in his eyes.

“Aaaw, Cam!” tears now began to form in my own eyes, pulling my two favourite people into a close hug; Cam and Hud were basically all I had left now.

“Okay, okay, okay, let’s go!”

Cameron ran down the corridor with Hudson, proudly showing him off to Jade; she squealed and said hello and such as Hud jumped and licked the both of them. Eventually, I caught up and as I took my dog, followed the happy pair to the car.

As we all clambered in, Cam quickly put the radio on, some heavy metal radio station blasted through the speakers. We pulled out of the parking space just as the last song ended and one of mine and Cam’s personal favourite songs began:

“White man came across the sea,

He brought us pain and misery,”

Iron Maiden, Run To The Hills. The both of us screamed as we chimed in, singing to every word.

“He killed our tribes, he killed our creed,

He took our game for his own need,

We fought them hard, we fought them well,

Out on the plains, we gave him Hell!

But many came, too much for Cree,

Oh, will we ever be set free?

Riding through dust clouds and barren wastes,

Galloping hard on the plains,

Chasing the redskins back to their holes,

Fighting them at their own game,

Murder for freedom, the stab in the back,

Women and children are cowards, attack!

Run to the hills! Run for your life!

Run to the hills! Run for your life!”

The song ended and we all exhaled, coming down from the excitement of screaming along to one of our favourite songs, Jade giggling a little bit that me and Cam knew all the words and never once seemed to stop for a break. The stop was short-lived though as one of my new favourite bands came on; Avenged Sevenfold. The killer guitar riff to Beast and the Harlot shattered the speakers as the maniacal drums pounded so loud it pulsed through every body, through the car.

“Dude, these guys are ace!” I squealed, ever since I’d first heard them I’d bought all three albums and was quietly peeing myself at the thought of a forth.

“Oh, yeah?” Cam grinned like a madman. He was hiding something, I knew it.

I shot him a quizzical stare, “yeeaaah, why d’you look like that?”

“Like what?!”

“That fat-ass grin on your face! What are you hiding?”

“Nothing...”

“Liar!”

“I am not a liar!”

“Bollocks! You always lied to Mum when you did something wrong; you blamed it on me and Mikey! That or Sam!”

Sam and Mikey were my other 2 brothers; Mikey and Cameron were full brothers; they were only mine and Sam’s half brothers. We all shared the same Dad as Mikey and Cameron’s Mum died in a car accident when Cam was just 2 months. Our Dad struggled pretty badly and our Mum had just come out of a dead relationship and they ended up hooking up. They then pretty swiftly, as Cam and I are only 18 months apart, got married and had me! Sam came along a lot longer; we all tease him and call him the ‘accident’ because all of us older ones were planned whereas he wasn’t...we aren’t particularly nice siblings to him but he’s the baby so he has to deal with it.

“Well...that’s because there’s no one else to blame!”

“Oh, come on! Just tell me who you work for!” I shot him my pistol finger (my hands were in the shape of a gun...)

“These guys!”

The shouting stopped as I tried to work out what he’d just told me, “sorry?”

“You heard! These guys!”

It was then that the perfectly defined solo of Synyster Gates kicked it. My heart skipped once...maybe twice.

“Are you serious?!” I was squealing again.

“Yes!”

“Oh my fucking God!”

The car shook with our conjoined excitement. Cam beamed as he watched me practically jump out of my seat I was so happy.

“I cannot belieeeve you work for Avenged Sevenfold!” I gripped my hair, pinning myself to the chair as I tried to calm myself down.

“Yep. They’re all pretty fucking rad, you’re gonna love ‘em!”

“And they’re going to love you!” I heard Jade chirp in from the back seat.

“Aaaaaawww, I can’t wait!” I suddenly started to get extremely tired as my head hit the head rest and I yawned.

“I know, I know; I’m excited for you to meet them too but, Lau, you’re obviously tired. Get some rest before we get to Huntington.”

“Huntington Beach?” it was then it clicked. Cam had said he’d moved there but I’d never put the two together; Avenged were from Huntington.

“You know it,” Cam said calmly as my eye-lids closed and I began to drift off. I was going to like it here... really like it.


	3. Chapter 3

I next woke up, curled against the passenger side door of Cam’s SUV, the late Californian sun warming me cheek. I heard the click of the radio turning off and keys being taken out of the ignition as Hudson barked outside, I guess Jade had already gotten out and taken him out of the boot.

“Aaaah, just in time,” Cam spoke. I twisted to look at him, groaning and going back into my position against the window.

“Come on, Lau, we’re here!”

This enticed me to sit up fully in my seat, my body aching as I did so from sitting in the same position for so long, “really?”

“Yep, check it out,” Cam motioned to the view beyond the windscreen.

“Oh my gosh,” I was completely taken aback. The view was to die for; the ocean was the flawless aqua blue and the sand was a brilliant beige colour I’d always imagined it’d be. The beach up here near Cam’s home was practically empty (which I found staggering considering the beauty) but I guessed just a few minutes down the coast was the main boardwalk where I could just about make out people along the sand.

“Well, come on then! Come on in!” Jade spoke as I looked out to the shore.

I opened the door and was immediately met by the overpowering heat of the west coast but it was nice; living in England my whole life meant that it never got very warm but now it was time to join the rest of my family in the good life; Cam moved over here 4 years ago now and Mikey had moved all the way over to Australia (which upset the whole family; he was always the one that kept us all together. He was my real ‘big brother’ figure; although Cam was my big brother, I was him more as my best friend, my twin.)

As I turned around to face the coast again, to my left was a huge beach cabin, sat in the dunes.

“Is this yours?!”

“No, it’s the evil sea monsters, we just live here as a form of payment for sacrificing the imbeciles of this Earth to him.”

“Your sarcasm hurts, Cameron.” I scowled at him but him, being the smartass he is, just smirked at himself. I swear, he could be such a goof.

I followed him into his house after Jade and Hudson had gone in, the entrance was huge; it was all open plan and the living room/dining room area looked out through huge, floor-to-ceiling windows that led out onto a huge balcony and onto the beach.

“Lauren, you hungry?” I heard Jade call from my left which I soon found was the kitchen.

“D’you know what, I really am,” I said kind of meekly; I loved Cam and Jade and I knew they were happy to house me while I was here but I still felt a little awkward; I’d always had a problem with feeling like a burden to people and this was just what I was afraid of.

“Okay, well, there’s a barbe-“ Cam was cut short, his phone ringing, “- sorry, girls, I’ve gotta take this... hello?” Cam walked to the other side of the entrance hall as I turned to talk with Jade.

“So, what do you wanna do on your first night?” Jade asked.

“Well, I am pretty tired but I don’t know, I’ll might just have a little something to eat now, maybe then we can walk Hudson down the beach, feed him, feed ourselves then I might just sleep, if that’s okay with you guys,” I told her, still a little nervous.

“That sounds ace!” Jade smiled.

Cam came back and groaned, “Jade, baby, we’ve gotta go. I’m so sorry, Lauren, do you think you can look after yourself for a few hours?”

“Uh-“ I started to answer, a little taken back that he was leaving.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are we going? We can’t leave Lauren here on her own!”

“Yeah, you can, guys; this seems important. You go, I’ll be fine here,” I said, not wanting to be a bother at all.

“See, Jade? She’s fine now, please, we’ve got to go; it’s Maxi...” Cam trailed off; Maxi was Jade’s little Jack Russell, Cam had told me she’d had to be taken to the vets shortly before I arrived.

Jade’s facial expression dropped from angry to worried, “oh, okay, Lauren, are you sure you’ll be okay? I feel bad leaving you on your own on the first night,” she said, concern evident in her face.

“Yes yes yes yes yes, I’ll be fine, you just go and make sure little Maxi’s okay!” I said, re-assuring her I’d be fine.

“Okay then, we’ll be back as soon as we can, there’s a spare key in the biscuit tin on the island’s counter just in case you want to go and explore,” Cam said, taking his keys and Jade as they both passed through the door, “we’ll see you later.”

I walked them the rest of the way to the door as we said our goodbyes and I closed the door behind them, I turned around to see Hudson looking at me curiously; I don’t imagine he was very used to his new surrounding so I decided I’d go out and try and make him a little more comfortable.

“Walkies!” I shouted, Hudson immediately bounded towards me, almost knocking me clean off my feet, “okay, okay, okay, Hud, let me get the keys!” I made my way to the biscuit tin on the side, manoeuvring around a leaping, 200 pound, oaf of a dog. Then, seeing Cam had left my bag and Hud’s stuff just by the door, grabbed Hud’s lead and ball as I lead him out the door, finally finding a pair of radiators from the side and putting them on.

I decided not to take him too far; the sun was setting and to be honest I just wanted to sit and watch it so, I sat on the dunes ahead of Cam’s porch and threw Hud’s ball off towards the water as the sun dipped below the waves on the horizon. The sky was a beautiful array of oranges and pinks and purples, I looked up towards the candyfloss clouds, laying back in the sandy grass and closed my eyes, drifting into sleep again in the warm sun.

When I woke up it was way into the night; the sky was black but clear, allowing for the thousands of stars above to shine bright. Hud was curled up next to me with his ball under his head, probably trying to keep warm; I got a sudden chill, suddenly realizing that a small, white Motley Crüe vest top and short black shorts was not an ideal outfit to be in when out at night. I shivered again and stoop up, waking up Hud, I began walking back to the hut, the path illuminated by the superb moon that shone so bright it was creating shadow, with Hud in tow, carrying his ball.

I got to the door, slowly unlocking it; I wasn’t sure Cam and Jade were back yet but I still aimed to keep quiet, just in case. We got in and Hud stopped right in front of me, making me trip over him. He was nuzzling the pile of stuff in the doorway, moaning slightly; he was nudging his food bowl. I cursed myself for forgetting, I picked up his food and water bowl, making him get excited and start huffing and jumping, only to realize I didn’t actually have any food to give him. I cursed myself again for not bringing any god-damn food so as a final resort I text Cam, hoping he could answer:

L: Hey, Cam.. is everything ok? Do you mind if I borrow some of the little ones food; ive forgotten to bring any of H’s x

C: Yeah, everything’s fine...well, kind of; Maxi’s still really ill but I’ll explain later, we should be heading back soon, we can’t stay here all night –and of course you can, help yourself to anything x

L: Aww okay, thanks Cam x

I picked myself up from leaning on the counter in the kitchen and started fondling around in the cupboards, looking for some of Maxi’s food; I felt terrible Cam and Jade had to be there and not at home but at the end of the day, I knew little M would be fine; she was a fighter; she proved that when she was hit by a car and immediately got back up and started barking at the owner.

I found the biscuits and poured some into Hudson’s metal dish along with some water and placed it on the floor for him. Seeing him eating suddenly made my stomach growl so I proceeded to search through Cam’s cupboards looking for some food for myself. Finding a microwavable burger and some chips, I cooked up my food, grabbed a root beer and headed over to the couch, sitting down and turning the TV on.

After eating my food and watching several episodes of LA Ink, I got a text through from Cam:

C: Hey, L, just texting to say we’re on our way home x

I didn’t bother texting back; my eyes were getting heavy and I could feel myself falling back to sleep again and I couldn’t move; Hudson had fallen asleep on my lap and there was no way I was even going to attempt to move him so instead, I curled up next to him and fell asleep myself thinking that despite everything, my life may actually be getting better; I could recover here. I’d like to recover here. It was a little piece of heaven.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I found myself led on my own on Cameron’s couch, drooling all over the seat. I quickly picked my head up and wiped my mouth, conscious that someone had seen me but it didn’t look like anyone was up yet; the only movement in the room was Hud in the middle of the big, black rug in the centre of the cream carpet, chewing on one of his toys. I pulled myself up and managed to get a few photos of him before I heard footsteps padding down the stairs. I twisted around, looking over the sofa, to see Cam walking towards the kitchen in just his pyjama pants.

“Shit. Did you really sleep there last night?” he groaned rubbing his face.

“Yeah, it wasn’t a problem though; I ended up crashing here in front of the TV anyway. That and Hud was led on me sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb him.” I said, smiling at him.

“So, it had nothing to do with us being ridiculously crap hosts and leaving you all by yourself all night without even showing you where your room is?” he said quizzically.

“Oh, well, yeah, it was a little bit but not that you’re bad hosts! I’m really..really grateful you’ve taken me in and I’m sure I could’ve found my own room but I didn’t want to go snooping into yours and I didn’t want to disturb Hud when he was led on me so...”

“Hmmm, if you’re sure..” Cam said, looking down, not entirely sure.

I got up from the sofa, Hudson taking his attention from the toy to watch me cross the room, making my way over to Cam I sat beside him on the counter so that I could see his face. I stroked his arm asking, “are you okay?”

“Not really, I got another call from the vet this morning...” tears were coming to his eyes, this was bad.

“Okay, what did they say?” I said, trying to comfort him.

“They said they’re going to have to keep him in a few more days; he doesn’t seem to be getting any better...” he was on the brink now; despite being a big, strong, tough-ass he really loved that dog, but most of all, he really..really loved Jade and Maxi meant almost everything to her.

“What am I going to say to Jade? She was a mess coming in last night, and she’s barely speaking to me..” he looked up to me, asking for guidance.

“Tell her the truth, I’m sure she’ll understand..”

“I’m not so sure..” he looked back away from me, rubbing his hands. (Another trait we both held; when we were nervous or upset our hands got warm and sweaty and we’d rub them.)

“Look, why don’t we do something this weekend? All of us! Lift your spirits! I need to get to know some people anyway.” I suggested, jumping off the counter, turning him to face me.

“We could do, I’ll have a think..”

“Okay, well, while you do that, I’m going for a quick shower, if you don’t mind, then I’m going to take Hud for a walk along the beach, up to the boardwalk, have myself a look around,” I smiled at him, trying to cheer him up.

“Yeah, of course, you go; I’ll make breakfast for when you both get back..” he said giving me a small, sad smile.

It broke my heart seeing him upset. I lunged forward, hugging him tightly. Hudson, as Hudson is Hudson, got a bit jealous and started barking at us, making us both laugh trying to shush him.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go, I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yeah, sure, the showers the one next your room; take the right around the corner at the top of the stairs and there’s a mini corridor, your room is the second door, the shower’s the first,” Cam said, turning away, rifling through the cupboards for some food.

“Okay, thank you,” I turned away, grabbing my suitcase and dragging it upstairs and to my room. I pulled out some clean clothes; an old Iron Maiden shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of blood red shorts, accompanied by a new pair of black vans.

I took it all into the shower room next to my own room, turned on the shower and got myself undressed making sure to brush through my hair before I got in. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walked past, it made me heave. Ever since school I’d been sick to the stomach at the site of myself; it followed years of torment and bullying during my teens. To make it worse, it was all done by older boys making me terrified to even speak to men, it then amplified a few years ago after something...indescribable happened. I couldn’t even bare to think. My thighs and back were littered with scars, none of which were my doing. I pulled myself out of my own thoughts as I felt tears streaming down my face, stepping into the shower. I quickly washed my hands and body, shaved what needed to be shaved and stood out, getting myself dressed as quickly as possible before I gagged. I finished up and stood in front of the mirror, blow drying and straightening my hair before washing my face and making myself look presentable.

Once clean, I made my way downstairs to find Jade sat at the island, clumped over the counter. Her hair was everywhere and had huge bags under her eyes; she was obviously taking it pretty hard.

“Hey, Jade! You okay?” I asked, trying to make some conversation; there was such an atmosphere you probably could’ve cut it with a knife.

She barely responded; she didn’t even look at me, she just nodded.

“Ooookaay then, well, Cam, I’m off for that walk, I’ll talk to you both later,” I said, grabbing some spare keys and grabbing Hud’s lead and putting it on him.

“Alright, Lau, I’ll see you later,” Cam said, trying to smile; it looked like he’d been crying again.

I locked the door and turned left, straight out onto the beach. I felt bad that both Cam and Jade seemed so upset but at the same time I didn’t want to be near them and be in the way if they were struggling a bit so I figured the best thing to do was to take a walk, maybe even make some friends so I can get myself out the house a little. We walked for a few minutes, gradually passing more and more people as I threw Hud’s ball for him and neared the main town.

As we approached halfway along the beach, parallel to the boardwalk, I threw Hud’s ball only for him to get completely distracted and bolt off towards the steps leading up to the walk. I immediately chased him, as I neared the steps I realized where he was...and who he was with. It was them. Avenged Sevenfold.

Well, three of them anyway; less than 5 feet away stood Matt, Zacky and Brian, the infamous M Shadows, Zacky Vengeance and, of course, Synyster Gates. My breath caught in my throat as they all stood just at the top of the stairs. I had to act cool oh my God. I jogged up the steps to find Hudson getting rather overly friendly with Zacky’s dog which I already knew was called Majesty. Pinkly and Bella, Matt and Brian’s dogs, were there too but as Majesty was a Great Dane much like Hudson was, he took particular liking to her.

They all looked unbelievable, undoubtedly, Syn most of all; he stood to my right, his long, waved black hair erupting out of the black and white cap that sat at an angle on his head. He wore a red, House of Syn tank top with a pair of dark wash shorts. Matt, standing to my left, had an old-ass Guns n Roses tank top on and a pair of brown shorts whereas Zack, who was stood in front, was donning an old Misfist shirt and a pair of khaki green shorts. It was so strangle, I immediately felt right at home, wearing my own Iron Maiden tank.

“Oh, my life I am so so sorry guys,” I said apologetically as I stood in front of them all.

“Oh, no, don’t worry, he’s fine! He’s a Great Dane too, I take it, What’s his name?” Zacky asked, petting Hudson’s head.

I went a little bit fish-out-of-water for a second, not knowing what to say, “sorry, yeah, his name’s Hudson and he’s not entirely Great Dane; he’s part Husky too,” I said, smiling. Our eyes met for a moment and, I’m not going to lie, I got a little lost; he had the most fantastic set of bright green eyes, slightly lighter than my own. After a moment, I was surprised to find that he was staring back at me too, looking directly into my eyes.

“Aaah, nice! He’s awesome!” Zacky finally said.

Matt, who was stood to my left, coughed, breaking the trance between Zack and I. It made us both chuckle nervously, making a little atmosphere.

“So, I haven’t seen you around before and you definitely don’t sound local, what are you doing here in sunny California?” Matt said, chuckling as I turned to look at him.

“Uh-“

“Yeah, what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here on your own? I’d assume you had a boyfriend or something but maybe not, ay?” Zack said, butting in. I laughed to myself a little as, for the first time since I’d been stood there, Syn took his eyes off of me to give Zacky the biggest death glare, to which he just replied with a small, “what?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Um, well, originally I’m, obviously, from England but I got kinda sick of it there so I flew over here just yesterday to come and live with my brother and his girlfriend and no, Zacky, I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m not all that pretty, really,” I said, blushing slightly.

“Oh, yeah you are..” Zacky said with a smirk. I blushed even heavier and was saved from a reply as Brain finally spoke up.

“Sorry, I don’t think I got your name,” he said, kind of bluntly as if he was a bit pissed off. Anyway, I took it a little personally and assumed he just didn’t like me.

“Oh, sorry, I haven’t even said, I’m Lauren,” I said, smiling to cover up how uncomfortable I was becoming stood next to Brian.

It was then, of course, Zacky stood forward and extended his arm, “well, Lauren,” I gave him my hand and he kissed it, “I am Zacky Baker but, ha, everyone calls me Vengeance. Zacky Vengeance.”

“Oh, cool,” I smiled taking back my hand.

“Yeah, and I’m Matt, Matt Sanders and this is Brian,” Matt smiled, holding his arm out, signalling to Syn.

When I turned to look at him he was already looking at me, a deadpan expression on his face, “sorry, do I have something on my face?” I said, trying to make a joke of him staring at me.

“No, no, sorry, you just look like someone I know,” he replied, snapping his head away from looking at me to look out t the sea, except his eyes weren’t looking at the water; first they were looking down to the ground but then, just as I was looking back round to Zack and Matt confused, he shot another look at me.

“Oh well, okay then... –“my phone began to ring in my back pocket, “- sorry guys, I’ve got to take this.”

“No problem.”

I turned around to take the call from Cam:

“Hey, Cam, what’s up?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine! How’s you?” he sounded a lot cheerier than before and I was very very glad.

“Yeah, I’m good! You’ve cheered up some!” I told him, smiling.

“Yeah, I’ve just got some good news ‘tis all! Where abouts are you?”

“Oooooh, goodie! I’m on the boardwalk, near the sundae stand second closest to yours.”

“Okay, fancy a sundae?”

“Um, you bet I do!” I said, beaming, the guys must’ve thought I was a loony... that or thought I actually did have a boyfriend. I know which’d be better.

“Okay, I’ll be there in 10.”

We hung up and I turned back to the guys. Then, out of nowhere, Brian said what I half expected Zacky to:

“Boyfriend?”

“Oh, no, my brother; I told you, I don’t have a boyfriend,” I told them.

“Well, I guess you’ve got to go and, to be honest, we better be going too. It was lovely meeting you, Lauren,” Matt said, shooting me a dimpled grin, making me smile.

“Yes, it was lovely meeting you all! Sorry again about Hudson! I’ll, um, see you around,” I finished, putting Hud back on his leash, looking directly at Zacky at the last part.

“Definitely,” he said to me, our eyes locked again, making me blush.

Hudson barked and brought me back round so I said some final goodbyes and turned to walk away. My face was burning and my palms had gone sweaty and my heart was racing a mile a minute. I wasn’t sure whether it was because my anxiety was playing up a little or that they were all so much hotter they were in person. Either way, Zack was obviously making his move and, to be honest, I was enjoying it; I’d always thought Syn was a lot more attractive but then he seemed like a bit of a creep, watching me the whole time and it’s not like Zack isn’t attractive. Anyway, I was left smiling like an idiot, walking to meet up with Cam. I got to the sundae bar and ordered myself a Pepsi and sat and waited for him to turn up.


	5. Chapter 5

It took Cam an extra 10 minutes to arrive. The whole time I could feel someone’s eyes firmly locked on me. Eventually, the smile on my face faded as I started to panic; paranoid that someone was watching me. I looked over to where the guys were earlier and they were still stood there, I noticed Zacky watch me walk away but as soon as I sat back down, he turned to Matt and they started joking. There was a small part of me that was petrified they were laughing at me but judging by the way Zack was acting, I doubt they were laughing at me, then again, could it have all been a hoax? A way for them all just to take the piss out of me? I started to heat up as tears began to for in my eyes just as I was saved by the grace of Cameron actually turning up.

“Hey,” he walked over to the table I was sat at, beaming.

“Where the fuck have you been? You said 10 minutes for fuck sake!” I cursed, getting angry at him for taking so long to get here.

“Whoa, Lau, I’m sorry; I just got a bit held up with Jade.. you okay?” He asked, obviously concerned.

“Yeah, I was just getting worried, that’s all...” I lied; I wasn’t ready to tell him everything yet.

“Well, will some ice-cream with a side order of good news cure your pissy pants or am I going to have to remind you exactly who I work for?” Cam said, winking at me, trying to cheer me up.

I let out a weak smile, “strawberry please,” I asked, looking up to him.

“Okay, any sauce or?”

“Strawberry sauce...oh, and sprinkles!” I called as he walked to the counter.

Whilst sat waiting at the table looking down at my phone, something caught my attention; someone whistled, making me lift my head to see Zacky and Matt walking by, Zacky giving me ye olde ‘call me’ sign. It made me smile and blush as I looked back down at my phone only to begin to wonder where Syn had gotten to, dare I look back to where they were? My human inquisition got the better of me as I slowly turned my head to my right to look for him and sure enough, he was still there. Looking right at me, Pinkly leaping around at his feet. The weirdest thing was, he noticed me watching him yet he didn’t stop... now, this guy may be hot as fuck but he’s a freaking creep, gosh.

I was brought back from his gaze by Cam coming back with our sundaes, placing my tall, pink, strawberry sundae in front of me along with a spoon and placed his own toffee sundae (with chocolate sauce) before himself.

“Oooooh, that looks good!” I swiftly grabbed my spoon and dunked it into Cam’s sundae, making him scream; none of us were the sharing type but we were all the sneaky, ‘dip the spoon in quick while they’re off guard’ kinds of people.

“That’s not fair!” He squealed, trying to stand up quick enough to try and get some of mine but I was quicker than that; I knew he’d try to get some so I’d already picked up my glass and was starting to run before he’d even picked his spoon up.

We both started laughing as I made my way back to the table, still a little conscious that Brian was still leant against the wall and watching me but, when I discreetly looked in that direction, he’d disappeared. Where the fuck did he go? Oddly, this made me feel more uncomfortable; I suddenly had no small amount of control; I didn’t know where he was; I didn’t know if he could still see me. But then again, why did I care?! He was a creep, I should’ve been glad he wasn’t watching me anymore!... but I wasn’t. I was ridiculously self-conscious and... needed to know where he was.

“Oi, you alright?” Cam asked, he obviously noticed I’d zoned out.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine! Just blanked out for a sec,” I smiled at him, almost embarrassed that had to happen. “So, what’s this big news you so desperately needed to tell me that somehow turned you from Mr. Misery to Mr. Cheery.?”

“Well, firstly, I got another call from the vet and they said little Maxi’s making an ace recovery right now and should be able to come home in the next few days –“

“Awww, yay! I can’t wait to meet her! I haven’t met her yet,” I squeaked, excited that Maxi could come home soon; with any luck, Cam and Jade will cheer up.

“Yep, and, on top of that, a certain Matt and Jason Berry have invited us over for a barbeque this weekend!” He had a huge smile on his face; before I knew he was working for A7X, he’d told me he’d made really good friends with the roadies he’d been working with, who I now understand, are the Berry’s.

“Oh, yeah! Sounds great!” I shuddered a little, luckily not enough for him to notice, at the thought of having to see the guys again. Well, not the guys but seeing Brian.. but at least then I wouldn’t be worried that I didn’t know where he was.

“Yep, you know who’s going to be there?” Cam bit his lip, attempting to hold back the grin.

“Well, the band?!” I squealed, faking my excitement, somewhat.

“Yep! I tell you, Lauren, you’re going to love them!” He smiled, looking back down at his sundae that had almost gone.

"Well, I can’t wait,” I smiled back at him, watching him as he smiled as he finished his ice-cream; this was the brother I loved; the miserable one broke my heart; Cam was like my other half, my twin and after 4 years of being apart and seeing him like that was almost breaking me down but now, I was so SO glad he was happy; this was the Cam I knew and loved.

“Welp, I’m spent. You ready to head back? It’s getting kinda late and I believe Jade is cooking some tea for tonight!” He stood up and stretched, making Hudson stand up from his spot from under the table, as he grabbed his keys and took our glasses back to the hut.

“Do you seriously always think about your stomach?” I asked him when he got back.

“Yes.”

“Well okay then.”

Laughing, we walked back to his SUV and got in. The ride home was fairly quiet; the faint hum of the engine along with the whisper of the radio playing was all we heard. When we got in, Cam went to help Jade with dinner while I unpacked, sorted Hudson’s things out, washed Hudson, fed Hudson then went for a shower before tea.

Tea was then quiet also, we simply spoke about each other’s days (me casually skipping the parts where I almost hurled, met half of Avenged Sevenfold and ended up in tears I was panicking so much) and how excited we were for Maxi coming home for her and Hudson to meet; we kept coming back to the dramatic size difference; a 4 and a half ft Great Dane in comparison to a Jack Russell Terrier that barely stood 30cm from the ground, was something we were dying to see.

After Jade’s delicious lasagne, we had desert, which was in the form of potted yoghurt simply because Cameron had apparently refused to go shopping earlier in the week, which I didn’t mind; I liked yoghurt, so. After that, I was exhausted and decided I’d go to bed; I said goodnight to Cam and Jade, who stayed watching the TV, then bedded Hudson down; I’d put his bed in the corner of the room next to the window, behind the sofas but opposite the telly. He moaned and wept as I left, I assume because he was somewhere unfamiliar and I wasn’t going to be able to stay with him and I wasn’t in a position to ask Cam or Jade whether he could sleep on the bed with me.

Once I was finally in bed, after pulling myself away from Hudson, washing my face, brushing my hair and teeth and gotten changed, I was truly exhausted; I still had a bit of jetlag and today was tiring as it is. Despite this, I pulled out my phone and began looking through all the old pictures of me and my friends. In spite, I deleted them all. Tears were flowing like a stream down my face once I’d done and my door opened. I expected to see Cam, possibly overhearing my sobs, but it wasn’t; it was Hud.

“Hud, you’re not supposed to be up here,” I grounded, my voice slightly breaking from the tears.

He jumped up onto the bed, “nooo, Hud, baby, you can’t be up here,” I tried to push him off the bed but he wouldn’t budge; we was way too big. (That and all he wanted to do was cuddle so he kept nudging back into me.)

“Fine, be like that,” I put my phone away, cuddling up to the only true friend I would have left now, letting my tears soak into his back, knowing that whatever happened, he’d never leave.


	6. Chapter 6

“To save face, how low can you go?  
Talk a lot of game and yet you don’t know,  
Static on the way, make ‘em all say ‘whoa’,  
The people up top push the people down low,  
Get down, and obey every word,  
Steady, get in line, if you haven’t yet heard,  
Wanna take what I got? Don’t be absurd,  
Don’t fight the power, nobody gets hurt,  
If you haven’t heard yet, then I’m letting’ you know  
There ain’t shit; we don’t run when the guns unload,  
No one make a move, ‘less my people say so,  
Get everything out of control, everybody go –  
(Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!)  
Steel unload,  
Fire blow,  
We, the animals, take control,  
Here us now,  
Clear and true,  
Wretches and Kings; we come for you!”

It had been two days since I’d first met some of the guys from Avenged Sevenfold, and tonight, I was going to meet them again. Linkin Park, Wretches and Kings, powered through the entire house (I concluded that Cameron must have been up; we both loved Linkin Park he was just a much bigger fan of this album than I was) It woke me up, as I looked over out of the floor-to-ceiling windows on the far side of my room that showed the tall, granite cliffs of the end of Huntington Beach, I picked up my phone, hoping to check emails, Facebook and Twitter, when I found it was already 1 in the afternoon. I hauled myself off of my bed, lazily pulling my feet downstairs, not caring how I looked.

“Gooood, morning,” Cameron chirped.

“How are you so cheery?” I asked him, my face scrunched up from the large hangover I was nursing.

“Well, I didn’t have all that much to drink last night, unlike you and Jade! Up drinking, singing along to Aerosmith until dawn! And to be fair, Lauren, it’s almost half past 1,” Cameron quite rightly pointed out.

“Yeah, well, just be a good brother and be nice and get me some cereal,” I told him, my head falling to the counter, “wait, hey! Aerosmith are the shit, I don’t even give a fuck what you think!” I shouted at him, lifting my head back up and pointing at him, acting angry.

“Oooooo, alright Miss Pissy,” he said, raising his hands in surrender, “don’t take your hangover-fuelled anger out on me!” Cameron said, acting hurt, as he bent down and got out a bowl and a box of Froot Loops.

I smiled as he came back up with the box, “good choice?” he smiled back, walking over to their classic American, double sided fridge.

“Excellent.. I love you a lot,” I told him, pretending to hold back tears and putting my hand across my heart.”

“Naaw, Lau, I love you to,” he said, pouring the cereal and milk into the bowl and sliding it over to me.

As I began eating, Jade entered the room, “hey, guys, you okay?” she asked, leaning over the end of the island.

“Yeah, great!” I answered her, a mouth full of Froot Loops.

Jade nodded a ‘good’ just as Cam slammed his hands down on the counter, “well, Lau, me and Jade are off to finally pick up little Maxi,” they both smiled wildly, “you’re welcome to do as you please etc etc we’ll be back in a little while; we’re going to take her for a little walk after we pick her up before we got to the Berrys’ so-“

“Aaaaww, yay! Okay, I’m probably just going to eat this, play some games, have a shower and take Hud out anyway so you guys go ahead,” i said, beaming at them.

“Okay, well, Jade, ma lurv, are you ready?”

“Ooh, yes, I am,” she said, picking herself up off the side.

“Okay, well, we’ll see you later, Lauren,” Cam said as he picked up his keys and guided Jade out of the door.

“See ya!” I called before finishing my Froot Loops, putting the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher, feeding Hudson and making my way over to the couch to play on Cam’s Xbox.  
I ended up playing on Call of Duty until Cam and Jade got in; I didn’t realize how long I’d been sat there.

“Oh, I thought you were going for a shower and taking Hud out, not sitting on your ass playing MY video games,” Cam commented, emphasising the ‘my’ as he said it, as he walked in, dropping his keys on the chest of draws in the hallway.

“Yeah, well, I got distracted,” I told him, still watching the screen intently, playing the game. That was until; I felt something soft wriggling under my foot. I glanced down to see a titchy, white dog with an array of brown patches across it’s back and ears; Maxi.

I immediately squealed, throwing the games console control onto the sofa, leaning down to pick up the small dog, distracting my own dog from his toys. He began to bark, leaping up and running over to us. He slowed as he approached the new, unfamiliar Terrier sat in my lap. The two slowly edged forward, sniffing each other until their noses touched. They pulled back and instantly became friends, playing with each other; as Maxi jumped from my lap.

“Aaaaaaawww, they’re so cute!” Jade squealed from behind me.

“Yes yes yes, they are but Lauren, you can’t sit there and watch; you don’t have time! Get yourself washed and dressed; we’re leaving in an hour or so,” Cam interrupted.

I groaned, “urgh, fine, I’ll go now,” I said, letting my head fall back onto the back of the couch before lifting myself up, making my way to the stairs.

“Why? Don’t you want to go?” Cam asked, slightly concerned... hurt almost.

“No, I do! I was comfy ‘tis all,” I told him, smiling, walking past him and up the stairs, calling back to him asking whether this was a particularly formal gathering , IE, whether I’d have to wear a dress or not. Luckily, he replied no; I really didn’t want to be wearing a dress with Zacky there, if I was perfectly honest and I definitely didn’t seeing as Brian the creep would be there.

I took a quick shower, washing my hair, body and shaving a little before climbing out and wrapping a towel around myself. I then proceeded to wash my face, blow-dry and straighten my hair before putting a fairly minimal amount of make-up on; just enough to enhance the colour of my eyes and to make sure it wasn’t obvious that all I’d done all day was sit on the couch after getting drunk with Jade last night.

I then went back into my room where I found Hud, rather naughtily, stretched right out on my bed; on top off my outfit I’d picked out for tonight. The shorts were saveable but the nice shirt I’d picked had stupid dog fluff all over it. I ended up having to fish around in my bag for some old Motörhead shirt, cursing myself for bringing basically nothing other than old band shirts, which wasn’t always an issue but there were times, times like these, where it may be nice to have something that wasn’t an oversized, mans black shirt with a band logo and some monster on it.  
Despite this, I put my outfit on; eventually being a pair of short purple shorts, my new black vans, the black and grey Motörhead shirt and a grey beanie, topped off with an old pair of radiators.

I made my way downstairs, finding that Cam and Jade had cleaned themselves up and had sorted Maxi and Hudson out, feeding them and putting their collars and leads on; they were coming too apparently. We all gathered and made out excites, Maxi and Hudson in tow until we put them in the boot of Cam’s SUV. I climbed into the back and let Jade sit in the front with Cam.  
The drive was fairly quiet despite the low hum of the engine and radio, the shuffling of the dogs in the back. It was then that I noticed Jade groaning every now and again. I looked forward to find Cam’s hand placed in between Jade’s thighs. I really needed to find myself a car, even better, an apartment of my own and make my own way to parties so I didn’t have to sit and experience my brothers sex life.

I managed to make it to the Berrys’ without hurling; during the 20 minute drive, Cam and Jade had managed to get pretty intense and I was more uncomfortable than I had ever been and had made the conscious decision to get, pretty much, as drunk as possible tonight; I may not have wanted that to be the guys’ first (or second) impression of me but I needed to get what I’d seen out of my head. Alternatively, I just needed to get drunk enough that as and when I got home tonight, if they were at it, I’d pass out before I noticed.

Me crossed the threshold and was met by Jason Berry, as I later found out after Cam had introduced us both. He told me that Cam had already told them a lot about me and I blushed, mainly out of nervousness that they knew anything about me without me knowing.

“Okay, well, the rest of the guys are all out the back cooking up some steaks and sausages so just come on through,” Jason said, leading us through his pretty big, open house out into the spacious garden.

“Well, hey! Look who’s here!” I heard a familiar voice call, Zacky’ he was stood at the barbeque until he but down the spatula and walked over to us to (re) introduce himself, “hey, I’m Zacky V and you are the girl from the beach; Lauren, right? I didn’t know you were Cam’s sister! Although, looking at you now, you’re both startlingly similar,” he said, holding his arm out and admiring my face. I gave him my hand, only for him to kiss it again, as I blushed fairly heavily.

“Oh, you guys have met? You didn’t say anything, Lau,” Cam called from behind.

“Oh, yeah, I must’ve forgotten to tell you,” I added, trying to be discrete.

“So, Lau, you want a drink?” I heard Matt call from behind me, coming out from the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah, please,” I said, tucking my hands into my pockets, nervously.

“What do you want, beer or something a little more...feminine?”

“What are you on, Matt; we don’t have anything ‘feminine’ here! Only real maaans drinks!” I heard an already drunk Johnny slur from a sun lounger at the side of Jason’s pool.

“And that is Johnny Christ,” Zacky whispered to me, subtly holding my butt as he squeezed past me through the French doors and into the kitchen.

“Aaaah,” I said, my gaze still on Johnny, “sorry, Matt, yeah, a beer would be great,” I told him, smiling.

Suddenly, I was left on my own; Cam and Jade were stood at the corner of the patio, talking to Matt and Jason, Johnny was near enough passed out in the sun, Matt and Zack were in the kitchen and, as my eyes scanned the garden, my eyes feel upon and Jimmy and Syn leaning against the wall, talking. Except Brian didn’t seem too interested in the conversation as he was staring at me...again. He was being a real creep and I really didn’t like it. It then got worse as Jimmy stopped his flamboyant movements as he talked as Brian nodded towards me. Jimmy turned round, looking at me and my face burnt hotter than a sauna, I quickly shuffled away, going off to find Zack and Matt.

A few hours past and we’d eaten, I found myself staring aimlessly at Hudson and Matt’s dog, Bella, playing on the lawn. I was torn from my thoughts when I felt someone grab my ass. I whipped around, ready to fend off whoever had touched me like that but I was met by Zacky; oddly Zacky was really growing on me; I really liked him; he was funny, handsome and obviously was interested by the never-ending amount of flirting.

“Was that really necessary, Mr Vengeance?” I asked him, staring into his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it,” he told me, winking.

“Oh, well, that’s okay then,” I turned away from him, returning to watching the dogs play.  
“So, um, Lauren, there’s been something I’d really like to ask you,” Zack nudged forwards, burying his hands in his pockets much like I had earlier.

“Oh, yeah? What might that be?” I said, facing him again, raising an eyebrow.  
“Do you wanna go out for a drink sometime? Next weekend maybe?” he actually looked nervous about asking me which made me like him that little bit more, if possible.

“Yeah, Zack that’d be really nice,” I told him smiling.

“Great, well, if I just get your number then I’ll text you and we can sort something out,” he beamed.

“Yeah, sure,” I told him, giving him my phone from my back pocket and handing it to him to let him key in his number. It was then someone called us inside for drinking games so we called the dogs in and locked the patio doors.

By the end of the night most of the guys were passed out and/or naked, Cam and Jade had been dared to heavily make out so ended up going home early. I was so drunk I could barely walk straight but as I was the only one that hadn’t seemed to have passed out, I crawled up the stairs of Jason’s house with my beer, giggling ridiculously, until I found one door open. I pushed my way in, finished my beer and collapsed on the bed, only to find someone else had already occupied it, I figured it must’ve been Matt, Jason’s brother, and he and I had grown fairly close over the night so I didn’t mind much and soon enough I drifted to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The hangover woke me up. My head pounded as I ripped open my dreary eyes, only making the pain worse. I managed to open my eyes enough to be able to look at my phone, noticing I had, like, a hundred missed calls and texts from both Cam and Jade, asking where I was and whether I was okay. I figured I must’ve crashed at Jason’s after the part, turning to lie on my back and raising my hands to sit behind my head in reminiscence, smiling at the pleasant memories and most importantly, Zacky actually asking me out. My smile spread right across my face that was until I noticed someone’s long, heavily built, tattooed arm was draped over me, his hand just under my right boob, groping slightly as his fingers twitching every now and again, as if trying to tease me.

My breath caught, mentally asking myself what other trouble I’d managed to get myself into last night. My eyes were dead, straight ahead of me, not daring to check to see who he was. I was led perfectly still, staring up and the ceiling until the unnamed body moaned and pulled my body closer to him. For a second, I enjoyed it; his chest was warm and felt well defined, to my left arm that was awkwardly squashed between us, and his arm, God his arm, was huge. I couldn’t help but stare for a while, imagining what kind of damage that monster could do, but I wasn’t scared; it felt he was protecting, I wasn’t worried that he was going to hurt me, damn, I may have even got a bit excited; the things that big, powerful, almost dangerous monster of an arm could do to me..

I was pulled from my R rated thoughts when the male moaned again. Feeling confident enough in his grasp, I turned to see who accompanied me and I near abouts gagged from the sight. Creepy Brian.

“Brian?! What the fuck!?!” I said, jumping up to sit, getting as close to the beds edge and as far away from him as possible.

“Don’t shout at me; you’re the one that jumped into bed to me,” he said, that infamous Gates’ smirk playing onto his lips, his eyes still closed.

I was so confused; on the one hand, he was a creep; always staring at me and holding me and rubbing my side after I got into bed with him when I was drunk but, on the other hand, he looked ridiculously hot right now. I found myself looking at his huge bicep again, the thoughts I had before returning, as my eyes drifted to his beautifully defined chest and up to his face where his eyes had now opened, watching me. Part of me wanted to pounce on him and have him (which, I imagine, he’d enjoy) but as my gaze passed his face and noticed the beer bottle sat on his dresser; I pulled away from my own dirty head and put it down to still being drunk.

In anger, I leaped off the bed, “what the fuck are you on?! I was drunk, you creep! And hey, even if I was, it didn’t give you the right to go and put your fucking hands on me!” I shouted at him.

“Well, I was cold,” he told me, one of his eyebrows rising. He wasn’t angry at all, he looked completely smooth; led in the bed in nothing but his boxers, watching me.

I scoffed, despite the attraction, “you’re such a freak.” I grabbed my phone and things as I stormed out of the room, racing down the stairs. Everyone was up, probably woken by my shouting.

“Hey, Lau, are you okay?” I heard Matt ask as Zacky leant out to grab my arm to talk to me.

“Yes. I’m fine,” I told them, not stopping.

As soon as I was out on the porch after slamming the door behind me, I was in floods of tears. I was so torn; how was Brian the creep so incredibly hot all of a sudden? How the fuck had I suddenly developed feelings for him, if there were any. But, he was incredibly charming. Argh! Fuck sake, Lauren. It wasn’t like I’d slept with him and suddenly found the freak attractive and completely discarded the genuinely nice guy or something!...wait...no...I started panicking; what if I actually had slept with Syn? It would explain why he was being so charming and cheeky with me all of a sudden and why he had his arm around me this morning. I started to shake, terrified that I’d given myself to him, after everything I’d been through, and that I’d probably thrown all I could’ve had with Zacky down the drain; Brian didn’t seem like the type that would shag a girl and not tell everyone about it.

The tears came faster as my hands shook, struggling to pick up my phone and start texting Cameron, asking whether he’d pick me up when the door opened up. I dropped my phone and wiped my eyes as fast as I could, looking up to see who had come out and it wasn’t who I expected it to be; (I’d expected Zack or Matt – Jason’s brother – or Syn to come out, trying to mess with me) but it was Jimmy.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, concerned. I’d spoken to Jimmy a little bit but not half as much as I would’ve liked but, to be honest, when I saw him talking to Brian in the garden I’d kind of been put off.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay; I was just about to call my brother to come pick me up,” I lied to him, smiling as I tried to assure him I was okay.

He was having none of it; he looked right past my acting, “no you’re not; you’re shaking,” he said, taking hold of my hands to stop my trembling, “what’s going on?” He was so caring, I very almost spilled to him; I felt completely comfortable with him which was an extreme rarity; over the years I’d developed some serious trust issues but yet I was completely ok with Jimmy; I could see us being really good friends, as and when I could tell him what was going on with me; I may be comfortable but I was in no position to tell him what had happened to me over the past few years; I couldn’t even tell my best friends back in England, shit, I could barely look at Cam and not feel guilty that I’d kept it all from him.

“Seriously, Jim, I’m fine, I’ve just got a load on my mind,” I smiled at him, trying to comfort him into not asking any more questions.

“Is it about why you left England to stay here with Cam?” he asked me, he genuinely looked worried about me.

My jaw dropped, shocked he could’ve guessed that as my heart thudding so loud I could hear it in my ears, threatening to burst out of my chest as more tears began to form, “partly,” I told him, looking down at him holding my hands, pushing back the tears.

Noticing I didn’t want to talk about it, he let go of my hands and stood up, “well, my and Zack were just about to leave and our places are just past yours, if you want a lift,” he told me, smiling down sympathetically.

“Yeah, that’d be really nice,” I accepted thankfully.

Minutes later, Jimmy and Zack came out of the house followed by Jason. I apologized to Jason for storming out and thanked him for having me and throwing an ace party before Zacky wrapped his arm around my shoulders, hugging me as we said our goodbyes and went to Jimmy’s huge truck.

The ride back to Cam’s was fairly quiet on my part; I just sat in the back and listened to Jimmy and Zacky laugh together and joke as they listened to the radio. As we pulled up to the beach hut, I thanked Jimmy expecting to get out alone but Zack came up behind me, holding his hand on my waist and walking me to the door.

“So, considering you were upset this morning, I thought, maybe, we could bring our date forward? Wednesday, maybe? It might be nicer as well; it might be a bit emptier; more... intimate,” he asked, nudging forward so he was pressed almost right against me.

“That sounds perfect,” I told him, looking into his eyes.

I could’ve sworn he was about to kiss me when the door swung open, revealing an obviously distressed Jade. In some ways I was grateful; I was ridiculously nervous about kissing him...about kissing anybody, to be fair, but I also really really liked him and kinda wanted him to kiss me.

“Where the fuck have you been? Are you okay?!” Jade screamed, pushing Zacky away from me and wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her back, looking Zacky from over her shoulder. He was smiling (which I was glad about; he could’ve gotten pissed off that Jade had pushed him away but he seemed to have seen the humour in it)

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I just got a little too wasted and crashed at Jason’s! Jimmy and Zack drove me home,” I told her, indicating Zack, now stood on the grass next to the porch after being pushed off of it, and Jimmy in the SUV at the end of the drive.

“Oh, shit, sorry Zack,” she held her hand out to Zacky, pulling him back onto the porch, “thanks for bringing her home, boys,” she shouted loud enough for Jimmy to hear in his car. He stuck up his fingers, waving at Cam who now stood behind me.

“Yeah, it was no problem,” Zacky told them both, “Lauren; I’ll see you again Wednesday, right? About 7-ish?” he asked, smirking.  
“Sounds perfect!” I told him, blushing, as we all said goodbye.

Jade and Cameron were pestering me about Zack before we’d even closed the door, completely embarrassed that he could probably still hear us.

“Sooooo, you and Mr. Vengeance, ay?” Jade squealed, giggling, “I hope you’re gonna play hard to get! You want to make him want you, L!”

“He already wants me; he’s already been grabbing my ass and flirting with me,” I shared with Jade, blushing, grabbing us both a root beer.

“Right! I’m taking the dogs out; I don’t want to listen to this!” Cameron shouted, grabbing his keys and the dog leads.

“Oh really?! Mind remembering that the next time you want to finger Jade while I’m sat in the back of the car!?!”

They both gasped, letting out for Jade to burst out laughing over the kitchen island. Cam couldn’t even fathom words as he took his keys and jacket, instructing the dogs to follow him.

Jade and I sat on the couch together laughing for the next 3 hours, long after Cam had returned and hidden himself upstairs. Eventually, Jade broke out the wine and we both ended up spilling all of our emotional (and some sexual) burdens out on each other; having a real girly chat. I told her everything about Zack and Syn and how comfortable I already felt with Jimmy while she told me everything I didn’t want to hear about my brother like all his habits, both in the sack and out, while she also gave me some much needed advise about Syn and Zack; telling me to go out with Zack and just see how I like it and we can figure out what to do afterwards. The only things I didn’t (couldn’t) tell her were everything that had happened before California; she tried to ask a few times but I just dismissed them.

After our chat, Cameron came downstairs and we all ordered pizza and watched a film together; we watched Gangs of New York, coincidently, one of my all-time favourite films. After the film, Cam and Jade had fallen asleep in front of the TV with the dogs so I decided to get upstairs and have a shower. I did so and was sick, partly through the extreme amount of alcohol in my system but also because I managed to catch myself in the mirror before I got dressed. I dressed myself, brushed my teeth, washed my face and did my hair, all ready to go to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Days went passed since the barbeque at the Berrys’, just tottering around the house playing video games (I really needed to get a job; there was only so much you could do with two dogs and a games console) I was already up when Jade tottered down and put on the radio, blasting the latest from McFly’s; Star Girl. I leaped from the sofa, immediately falling in sync with the song; the both of us sang our lungs out, making the dogs bark. We laughed and danced along until Cam came along so as he tried to shout at us to shut up, we danced around him, singing into his face, making him grunt and go back upstairs; he never was a huge fan. We danced along to the song and laughed together for the remainders of the track, having the most fun I’d had the whole time I’d been in Cali.

“Okay, okay, okay, we’ve got to prep you up for this big date with Zack!” Jade told me, spinning me around, holding my hands. It was if we were 12 or something.

“It’s not a big date, J, it’s just a few drinks,” I told her, giggling.

We stopped, “nevertheless, it’s a date with Zackary Baker so we must prepare!” she said, smiling.

“Okay, okay, what do we have to do?” I asked, smiling at her; Jade was quickly becoming my new, better, best friend.

“First of all, we have to go shopping; I’ve seen your so called ‘wardrobe’ and a scabby old band T will not do for a date!”

“Hey! I take offence to you talking down about my shirts!...they’re my babies..” I told her, acting hurt.

“Oh, shut up; we’re getting something sexier than anything that you’ve bought! Now, get your pants on, shoes on and we can go,” she said, grabbing her keys and waiting for me.

I groaned, “eurgh, sexy is not my thing, Jade, I can’t pull it off for fuck sake...” I told her, finding some shorts and slipping my crummy old converse.

“What!? Of course you can pull off sexy! Have you looked in the mirror lately?” she called to me, giggling.

I wanted so desperately to tell her that I hadn’t properly looked in a mirror for years and that as and when I did, I was sick but all I could muster up was a shrug as I told her to move.

The road into town was quiet; I was still on edge about the whole ‘sexy’ thing. It really wasn’t my thing and I got so worked up about it; I hated when people did give me compliments like that, not because I discarded people’s opinions but because I simply didn’t believe it anymore; after the past few years I’d been made to feel so small and useable that ‘sexy’ just didn’t come into the equation.

Once we were in town, Jade had twigged that I wasn’t as cheery as I was before.

“Oi, grumpy pants, if I take you to Hot Topic will you cheer the fuck up, please? I’m not shopping with you if you’re going to sulk!” she said, taking my hand.

I instantly cheered up, “uh, duh!”

We both laughed and headed to, well, wherever Jade was taking me. We made a deal that we’d find something for tonight first, as we both agreed I didn’t want to do it, so we could get it out of the way.

After almost an hour and a half I was shaking. Praying the dreaded dress shopping would end. I was sweating heavily, terrified that people were watching me. Every now and again, my breath would stop as I saw someone looking at me. All I wanted to do was get home and stay there forever; fuck Hot Topic; fuck Zacky; I couldn’t face anyone.

“What about this?” Jade asked, it was the same question she’d asked over a hundred times already today, as she pulled out a genuinely nice, little purple number.

“It’s nice.”

“But would you wear it?”

“Doubt it,” the exact same conversation we’d had over and over and over the entire time we were there.

“Come on, Lauren, I’m bored, you’re bored, will you pleeeaase just put it on to see?” Jade asked, weary that I wasn’t in a very good mood.

I looked into her pleading, but understanding, eyes, “fine, but just this one; if this isn’t the one, I’m leaving,” I told her, grabbing the dress and walking into the changing room.

Jade was shocked, not expecting me to actually try it. She squealed, telling me to show her once I got it on.

I held back the puke that was rising to my throat as I undressed to pull on the fairly plain, black, grey and purple dress. I stood there for a moment, shaking and rubbing my hands as I sweat with nerves. Eventually, I looked up into the mirror and gasped;

“Are you okay, L?” Jade asked, worriedly.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” I told her, my mouth agape as I studied myself in the mirror. I never imagined I could look this good...nice even. For so long I’d doubted myself and thought I was some rotting bit of roadkill but right now I actually felt kind of good about myself. Tears formed in my eyes as I turned around to open the curtain for Jade to see. Her, along with a lot of the other women, gasped as I walked out.

“Oh. My. Fucking! GOD! Lauren!! You look fantastic! That is definitely the one!” Jade squealed, tears in her own eyes at the site of mine.

“Thank fuck for that!” I called turning around to get back undressed.

“Okay, okay, if you whip that dress over the top I can go pay while you get dressed then we can head to Hot Topic and grab some coffee as you were so good today,” Jade joked, taking the dress from me and walking off to pay.

After Hot Topic and coffee, laughing and joking as we went, Jade and I finally got home.

“Shit, look at the time! I gotta shower!” I called, checking my phone, initially for a text from Zack.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be up in a bit to do your make-up and hair,” Jade told me, winking. She quickly pecked my cheek as I ran upstairs with my bags.

I jumped into the shower, the best shower I’d had the whole time I was here, as I screamed to the words of Sugar, We’re Going Down by Fall out Boy. I washed and shaved, making sure I was presentable enough for tonight. I happily leaped out, washing my face and quickly blow-drying my hair, then putting my underwear on as well as some comfy shirts and an oversized, Metallica shirt. I called Jade up and she was quickly at my side, sorting my hair and doing my make-up, gossiping as she did. Once I was prepared, I put the dress on and slipped on an old pair of black converse.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you are not seriously wearing those with that dress, are you? I’ve got some heels if you want to borrow them!” Jade said, commenting on my choice of footwear.

“Fuck off, Jade; I love these shoes! They’re my comfort and that’s exactly what I need! Anyway, me and heels mix worse than me and dresses do AND Zack’s only an inch taller than I am, if I put heels on I’ll dwarf the poor fellow,” I informed her, making us both giggle.

“Okay, well, you’ve got your phone and some money, I put some condoms in there too-“

“Jade!” I interrupted her,

“- What?! Who knows? You might get some!” she winked, “anyway, call us if you need anything and I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jade said, hugging me and saying our goodbyes now, before we went downstairs.

There was a knock on the door and a text came through on my phone, telling us Zacky had arrived, “ooooh, go get ‘em, tiger!” Jade called behind me as I left.

I smiled at her and smiled even wider to see that Cam had let Zacky and was now playing with Hud. I coughed slightly, making both men look up towards me. Their draws dropped through the floor as they saw me, Zacky’s eyes almost popping out of his head. Honestly, it made me a bit uncomfortable, Cam not so much; I don’t think he’d ever seen me dress the way I was...I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen myself dressed like I was. Anyway, Zack was, unfortunately, the one making me uncomfortable; I was sure he’d seen a hell of a lot prettier and better looking girls than I was and, I don’t know, letting him see me like this made me nervous, comparing myself to other imaginary women that I could see Zack picking over me.

Cam was about to say something as Zacky butted in, “Daaayum, Lauren, you look great!” he said winking and I quickly judged him for being so arrogant of Cam...wait...what? Zacky was the nice one! Memories of Brian led in the bed at Jason’s came flooding back and I physically smacked my head for letting them come back.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Cam asked, rushing to my side, holding my head.

“Yeah, sorry, had a bit of an itchy, achy thing I don’t really know now, I’m okay,” I told him, laughing nervously.

“Okaay,” Cam said, sceptically, “you guys have fun,” he told Zacky and I as he led us out of the house.

At first, Zacky held my waist but just as the door closed behind us, his hand slid down to my ass and holding it, making me physically squirm, trying to loosen his grip but it only got stronger.

We got to Zack’s car and pulled out of the drive. The entire drive was silent and so was most of the time we were in the bar; Zack spent most of the time either talking to the bartender, other guys at the bar or watching other, much.. much more attractive girls walk past which made me feel sick to the stomach and completely shit about myself. I would’ve left but there was still a tiny part of me that felt bad.

After about 3-ish hours, getting drinks poured on me and Zacky being a general dick, Zack shuffled closer to me, placing his hand on my knee and leaning in so his head was next to my ear.

“So, Lauren, you look great tonight and you know that, how abouts we go back to mine and, uh, have some more fun at my place?” He asked, nibbling my ear as he ran his hand up my thigh. He was fairly obviously drunk and this time he tried to flirt with me, it was making me shake and making a panic come on; I did not like what he was doing.

“Ha, you’re going to have to get me a lot drunker for that, pretty boy,” I joked, sipping my beer, my tone bitter.

He scrunched his face up, as if he was getting angry and I started getting worried, “oh, is that right?” he said through gritted teeth, pushing his hand further up, under the hem of my dress. Now I really was upset; just over a week ago I really liked Zack but this was too much; it was like he only ever wanted to get in my pants and I felt dirty. I was not going back to that.

“No, Zack! I am not going to back to being treated like that!” I pushed his hand away, leaving my beer and getting off the bar stool.

Now he was angry. He grabbed my arm, “no you don’t,” he said, tightening his grip on my arm. My self defence I’d learnt after a similar situation came into play then; I slapped him and ran my foot across his shin, taking the skin with it. He bent down, crying out in pain, clutching his face and leg, allowing enough time for me to run.

I could hear him storming behind me, pushing over bar stools and shoving people out of the way. By this time I was crying my eyes out; I didn’t want it to happen again, not when I finally moved on from the last time; I was finally getting happier; I finally found someone that, I thought, I liked me.

I couldn’t see where I was going but felt myself push through some doors and into the cool night air. I was running through the car park when I slammed into someone tall and built. I looked up to see who he was. It was Brian, not looking at me but, wrapping his arm around me as protection, sizing himself up as Zacky stormed towards us.

“Hey, dude! That would be MY date, you fucking cock-block!” Zacky shouted, shoving Brian in his brilliantly defined chest.

He barely wavered as he shoved him back, “lay off it Zack,” Syn warned, his voice, low, calm and conserved.

“What? What!?! You want her too, Gates? Your dick get big when you think about her too, ay? At least, that’s what you told me, right?” Zacky challenged. I was shocked. I didn’t know whether Zack had said it out of jest as he tried to pick a fight with Brian but, judging by the suddenly angry look on Brian’s face, Zack may have been telling the truth.

Brian shoved me away into the crowd that was forming as the fight got more intense, probably to get me out of it as he went to shove Zack again, “what the FUCK did you say?” Brian questioned his voice still fairly calm but there was obvious anger.

“You like her too, you dickwad! The only difference is, while you’re over at your house, thinking about her and getting blue-balls, I’m here, getting her drunk and getting in!”

Zack took it too far... way too far. Tears carried on falling down my face, ruining my make-up as they tumbled down my cheeks and neck. Brian’s anger bubbled over too; out of nowhere, he brought his right arm up and hit Zack square in the face. I gasped as the whole crowed ‘oooohed’ and cheered them on. Brian turned away as Zack bled, holding his nose, he went to grab me when Zack, rather foolishly, threw his shoe at Brain’s head.

Before he turned around, Brian whispered a small ‘I’m sorry’ as he went back to have a go at Zack, bringing up his fists. I wasn’t sure whether or not it was on behalf of Zacky’s actions or that all this time he actually liked me. It kind of made sense though, how he was always watching me, pointing me out to Jimmy and how comfortable he was when I woke up next to him. If I’m honest, I felt bad I’d dragged him into this.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a big, strong pair of arms, swiftly guiding me across the car park. I looked up to check who it was; Brian. Creepy Brian. Remember that, Lauren? The one that used to stare at you and grope you when you were sleeping? Although I understood better now, I was still a little weary of Brian; he still creeped me out when we first met but, knowing what I do now, now he enticed me; he seemed so dark and illusive, I wanted to know more. Not to mention he was ridiculously attractive, even with blood dripping from his face where Zacky had hit him. In fact, I liked it; it made him look powerful, like he was definitely able to protect me from other guys...guys like Zacky turned out to be.

It hit me then, after tonight, I didn’t want to be going home with any man, especially not in the state I was in and definitely not with Brian because despite all I felt about him, I knew it was wrong and I was in no way comfortable with him yet.

Half away across the car park I pulled myself away from Brian, “wait, no, I’m not going with you!”

“What?” he looked down at me, still angry, holding my arm again.

“I’m not going with you! Not after what you’ve been doing to me!” I called to him, whacking his chest as I tried to struggle away from his new grasp.

“What? Are you serious? After everything that’s happened tonight, you still I think I’m worse than him,” Brian argued, pointing to a limp Zacky, picking himself up off the floor with the help of some of the bystanders, “after everything I’ve already done for you tonight! Because if you still really think I’m that bad, you’re welcome to go back with him! Just don’t expect me to be here the next time he tries to take advantage of you!” Brian called, clearly hurt by what I’d said, and tears even started to form in his eyes.

I looked back at Zacky, his face was bloody and his body leaned to one side where Brian had hurt his left side making him make sure he didn’t put weight on it and, despite all this, he still wore a grin that made me physically shiver.

I burst into tears, my head crashing into Brian’s chest. His body relaxed as I cried into his shoulder, his hand moving from my arm to cup the back of my head to hold me against him as his other arm wrapped around my waist in a completely secure embrace, shushing me. We held like that for at least five minutes; until I calmed down.

“I promise I won’t hurt you; I couldn’t ever hurt you, not like he intended. You don’t even have to come back to mine; I’ll drive you back to mine, if you’d prefer,” he told me, lifting my head from his chest to look into my eyes. He was genuine. I was slowly beginning to trust him.

“Thank you,” I told him, my voice sincere but weak. It meant a lot more than ‘just take me home;’ it was a thank you for everything; for fighting off Zacky, for telling me he liked me, even if he didn’t intend it.

He nodded, leading me back to his car. He looked back once at Zacky, he scoffed, shaking his head as he opened the door for me.


	9. Chapter 9

I must’ve passed out in the car as the next thing I remember was lying in my bed the next morning. After 3 days I still hadn’t left my bed; not talking to anyone about what had happened. I kept getting constant flashbacks from the night before, every time leaving me in tears; I kept remembering how much I’d liked Zack in the weeks running up to the night, how my emotions had changed from loving Zack and hating Brian, to being somewhat scared of Zack and having, to be fair, completely mixed emotions about Brian; I liked him, I really did, but the times I did like him never seemed to be very long-lived; every time I thought I liked him he’d either turn cold and suddenly not be interested or I’d talk myself out of it; I’d tell myself that I was drunk or that he was trying to get to me or only had bad intentions.

Eventually, I pulled myself up out of bed and got to the top of the stairs before I heard a new voice downstairs. I quickly hid behind the corner, peering round to see who was at the bottom. Cam and...Brian?!

Cam placed a bunch of flowers on the counter before looking to Brian and asking, “you can always go up there and see her; I know she’s really grateful about the other night and I can tell you’re worried about her. I think she’s just a bit shaken up; I can’t help but feel that something happened while she was back home that I don’t know about but; she seems so secluded all of a sudden, Jade and I have tried to get her to come out hundreds of times, Bri, and, I don’t know, seeing you might persuade her to; we’d be really gratefull but, y’know, you don’t have to...” Cam trailed off.

Brian glanced upstairs, making me flinch away out of site. As I pulled my head back round, he’d lowered his gaze as he continued to talk to Cam; “No, I’m not sure, I doubt she’d want to see any of me or the guys right now; we’re probably the last people she wants to see. I’m sure she’ll come out in her own time though, mate, give her my best when she does,” Brian explained, giving Cam a weak smile. My heart pinched, making me begin to sob as the tears started to fall; it killed me to know that Cam was worried and that he was beginning to figure out what had happened back in England while he’d been gone, even more so that all the Avenged guys thought I hated them. I loved them all; they all seemed so loving and caring and fun; it was probably my fault for letting Zacky get too close anyway; I didn’t blame him for what he did. Then again, when did I ever blame things like that on the actual attackers? I always blamed myself.

“Okay, well, if you ever want to come and visit, just pop round; as I said, we’re all really fuckin’ grateful for what you did for Lauren,” Cam told him, placing his hand on Brian's shoulder as he led them out of the house.

After saying his goodbyes, I slowly inched down the stairs. As Cam turned away from the door he saw me. I was stood maybe 2 steps from the top, wearing nothing but my favourite Metallica t-shirt and a pair of boyshorts along with my Winnie-The-Pooh bed socks, tears streaming down my face.

“Lauren, what in Hell’s name happened?” Cam asked his voice barely a whisper, tears falling down his well-built chest, soaking into his lose, grey, V-neck shirt.

The tears came harder as I thundered down the stairs, wrapping my arms tightly round his neck, desperately crying into his shoulder. Cam, crying with me, wrapped his own arms securely around my back, taking me into an inescapable grasp. I’d missed my brother so so much while we were apart; growing up we were inseparable; he was more like my twin than my half brother; we shared each other’s food, each other’s friends, each other’s toys, (in some cases) each other’s clothes... each other’s pain. And back then, I could tell him anything; in many ways, it was just like talking to myself; when I cried, he cried, when I laughed, he laughed, when I was hurt, he was hurt and when I needed someone to talk to, he was always there to listen and to help with whatever he could; he’d be the first to step up and defend me...always. But some things, now, I couldn’t tell him; some things I knew would hurt him much more than anything I’d ever told him before and I never wanted to hurt him, not after all he’d done for me.

We broke apart when we heard Jade sob behind us; we relaxed our bodies as we welcomed her into the hug. Before this trip, I’d never met Jade, I mean; we’d spoken a few times on Skype and Facebook and such but this was the first we’d ever met in person. It was phenomenal how close we’d become in such short time; I’d never grown so comfortable and had never trusted anyone so quickly as Jade. Cam met her at the airport on the plane here, both leaving with the same intentions; a new life; new opportunities. By the end of the flight they’d exchanged numbers and within weeks they’d bought themselves an apartment together.

“Now,” Jade began, sniffling, “are you going to tell us what’s happened? Because both of the guys aren’t saying anything and we’re really fucking worried about you, L, we just want you to be okay and not knowing is killing us both” Jade spoke, all in one breath, her tears still falling.

I felt terrible; the last thing I wanted was for them to worry, “guys, don’t worry; it was just a little miss-understanding,” I told them, pulling away as I tried to head towards the kitchen.

“Oh, really? Then why was it that Brian had to bring you home passed out with blood covering his face?” Cam scolded, bitterly, lifting his head from the ground to look at me, eyes cold with a hint of worry. Tears sprang back to my eyes due to his tone; I don’t remember the last time he got this angry with me. There was part of me that just wanted to explode; tell them everything; everything that had happened that night and everything back at home, but I couldn’t bare the pain; I had to spare both myself and, most importantly, them from the hurt and guilt.

Jade noticed how fragile it had made me, shooting a quick warning glance to Cameron before her eyes softened, setting them back on me. They displayed so much pain already, and so much worry. “Come on, Lauren, please! All we want is answers...” she pleaded.  
I re-gained myself, deciding to remain to keep everything inside, “I already gave you your answers. It was just a bit of a miss-understanding. Now, I’m taking Hud out; get myself ou-“ I began, trying to escape the ever more difficult situation by grabbing Hudson’s lead and making my way towards the door.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Cameron grasped my arm, pulling my back in front of him and Jade, into the kitchen, making me begin to cry again; not from pain but because I wanted anything but to have this conversation.

“Why, Cam? I just want to go out for a while, clear my head,” I told him, sobbing.

“Well, first of all, you’re wearing nothing but a pair of panties and an old shirt. Secondly, I need to know what’s going on, Lauren, because, I swear, if he’s hurt you I will fucking kill him. If he’s done anything to even try and hurt you, I swear to God, I will go over to his house and beat him to a fucking pulp, you understand me?” he asked, pulling my chin up with his finger to look into my eyes with his own, pain filled ones, “all I want is for you to be okay, Lauren; you’re my baby sister; all I want is for you to be happy and if he, for any reason, has taken that from you I will personally take it upon myself to hurt him as much as he hurt you; you’ve locked yourself away for 3 days now, for fuck sake; you haven’t eaten, not spoken to anyone, you haven’t showered, shit, I didn’t even hear you go to the loo! Lauren, please just tell me,” he now pleaded, stuttering and breaking up as he went as we all sobbed.

I had to sit down, “okay,” I agreed, softly, making my way round the island and to the couches. Hudson came to me, whimpering, placing his head on my knee as I sat.

“It’s okay, L, take your time,” Jade told me, sitting on the floor in front of me and taking my hands as Cam sat at my side and put his arm around my shaking shoulders.

“Well,” I sniffed, “it was pretty much a disaster from the start; the ride into town was silent and awkward. He didn’t even talk to me until just before we left; he was too busy talking to other guys and checking out other girls,” I told them between sobs, “after a few hours he started to...touch me,” I began. Cam physically tensed next to me, gripping my shoulders tighter as Jade looked at me in shock, “I told him no but he wouldn’t stop,” I sobbed. Jade gasped, holding my hands tighter, beginning to cry again as Cam sobbed silently, rubbing my shoulder and leaning me in to kiss the crown of my head, “I got out, after he grabbed me.. I managed to fight away though,” I told them, trying to re-assure them, “anyway, I ran out of the club and bumped into Brian. He immediately protected me and prepared himself for when Zacky came storming out. After a few... thoughts were shared, Bri and Zack ended up in a fight. Bri won and offered to bring me home. I passed out in his car. That’s why there was blood and I was out..” I told them, sighing in relief as I finished.

They were both silent until Cam spoke, “I am going to fucking kill him,” he shouted, standing to storm out the door. I grabbed his shirt, turning him around.

“No, Cam, please! Don’t do anything! I told you, it was a miss-understanding! It wasn’t Zack’s fault, Cam, please! Don’t do anything! I’m fine! Please, don’t make anything worse than it is; I don’t want anyone else to hurt, okay! Please, just leave it!” I pleaded him.

“Lau, are you serious? He’s done...that to you and you expect me to just sit here and act like it’s fine-and-dandy?! We’ve got a tour coming up, for fuck sake, and I was going to invite you but not without him knowing his place! He needs to know that he can NEVER touch you like that! Ever!” He was angry.

“Please, Cam, I know you’re angry and upset but I’m fine, okay? I’m not hurt! I don’t want you to do anything, please, Cam!” I begged him not to go. He looked over my shoulder at Jade; I guessed she told him not too to as he gave in, his body going from strong and built to relaxed as he collapsed back onto the couch, his face in his hands.

“I can’t believe he did that to you, L, you liked him so much,” he began, shuddering.

“I know, Cam, but I’m fine now, okay? Brian.. saved me,” I paused a second to think of what I was saying; the facts, as I rubbed his back, “he made sure I was safe and brought me home. He gave Zack a pasting as it is, you don’t need to too, it’s fine; you don’t need to do anything; it’s nothing I can’t handle,” I told him, his head raising to look at me, passing him a smile.

The rest of the day was fairly quiet; Cam and Jade barely spoke to me, just made sure I was okay every now and again, I guessed to let everything sink in. Later in the day, I took Hud out for his walk, attempting to clear my head. It was sunset when I got to the middle of the beach.

In the not-so-far distance, I noticed a dark figure of a man sat in the sand smoking a cigarette, throwing a stick for his small, white, fluffy dog. Brian and Pinkly. Hudson ran to play with Pinkly as I silently sat next to Brian.

“Thank you..for Wednesday,” I broke the silence.

“It’s alright,” he said rather bluntly, not taking his eyes off the golden crests of the waves that stretched in front of us, taking another drag off the stick of Marlboro he held between his finger tips.

His face still had several cuts from the fight, “you okay?” I asked, watching the wounds.

“Yeah, they’ll heal eventually.” Why so blunt? Maybe he didn’t like me after all.

“I heard you came 'round Cam’s this morning,” I asked him.

“Yeah.”

“How come?” I asked, getting annoyed at the one-word answers.

“So many questions, Lauren, do you really need to know?” he asked me, looking at me dead in the eyes. They seemed kind of...angry.

There was a silence for a long time before I asked the question that had been nagging at me for a long time, “how’s Zack?”

He put out his cigarette, calling over Pinkly before he answered, “he’s shit; keeps beating himself up about what happened. I’d feel bad but the motherfucker deserves it,” he said harshly before leaving me left sat on the beach.

I was there for almost an hour, pondering over what he’d told me. On the one hand, he was being blunt and cold, as if what Zacky had implied wasn’t in fact true and he didn’t like me. But, what he said last, about Zacky deserving the self-destruction after hurting me, suggested he cared. Or did it? Maybe he just didn’t agree with women being treated that way. Either way, I was left confused, sobbing into Hud’s coat as we sat on the beach, the sun setting and the sky becoming dark, as I worked myself up over the relationships I’d already ruined during my time here; over the situations I’d let get the better of me and the people I’d already allowed to hurt me in ways I know should never allow. It was all happening again.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been days since I’d seen anybody besides Cam and Jade; I may have come out of my room but I refused to leave the house. It ended up getting pretty boring, lazing around the house on my own, so I got up and decided I needed a job so I went into town; Cam was working from home at the time and let me borrow his car.

Before leaving, I wrote up a CV and went to drive around looking, mainly, for places that were hiring and anywhere I’d enjoy or had experience in. I ended up posting to several bars and coffee shops, music stores, cafés, general stores; anything I could find. I even found a garage that was hiring which was a major bonus; back home my best friend’s Dad was a mechanic and taught the two of us how to take apart and put together an engine, fix up broken ones as well as teaching us both how to drive; by the time we were 15/16 we both worked for him in his garage. Smiling at the distant, but pleasant, memory, I drove home.

After a few weeks I either hadn’t had a reply from a company or they’d told me there wasn’t a place for me. In a desperate attempt to find somewhere, I printed some more CV’s and headed back into town. I was driving around for about an hour, trying to think of where to go, but the only place I really wanted to work at was the old, vintage garage I’d seen.

I found where it was and pulled in, immediately met by a pair of sparkling, deep blue eyes. An employee.

“Hey, can I help you?”

He had short brown hair, was fairly pale, and wore a tight black shirt (through which I could clearly see he was built exceptionally well) his dirty, grey overalls slipped down to his waist where he tied the two arms around his waist, all topped with a mucky pair of black converse, much like my own. He didn’t have tattoos but that didn’t matter; we could work on that and it seemed that his eyes were pretty and distracting enough to not notice.

“Hey,” he said, waving his hands in front of my face, smiling. He’d got me staring. Fuck.

“Yes, sorry, I’m looking for the boss, Mike, do you know if he’s in and where I can find him?” I asked, embarrassed.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll go get him,” he told me, walking towards the back room after shooting me a perfect, white smile.

He called for Mike and returned to his work after telling me just to wait where I was; he’d be through in a minute. After a time, I noticed he was playing Bullet For My Valentine - Tear's Don't Fall. I began murmuring along, my heart pinching a bit at the relate-ability, until I realized I was loud enough for him to hear me; he began to sing with me, ending at the chorus. We smiled at each other, giggling at the situation...damn he was cute. I could definitely settle in to working here.

Mike appeared from the back room, he was the opposite to his employee; he was a fairly larger man, a small, chin beard and moustache, bald and tattoos covered most visible areas of his body. These guys were fucking cool.

“So, I see you’ve already met Harry, here,” Mike said, indicating to the cute guy I first met.

“Yes,” I smiled awkwardly.

“So, what can I do for you?” he asked.

“Well, it’s about the job I applied for a week or so back, it’s a bit forward of me to come snooping around and asking but I’m really interested in working with cars again and, I don’t know, you guys seem awesome and I’d really love to come and work for you,” I told him, laughing and scratching the back of my neck nervously.

“Again, ay?” Mike leant back onto the vintage car behind him, crossing his giant arms over his chest. Even Harry stopped his work; I could feel him turn around and look at me.

“”Yeah, I worked for my Dad’s friend, who was a mechanic, back in England.. Why?” I asked him.

“Well, it’s just a bit of a shock; not many nice young ladies are into fixing cars and getting their hands dirty; most of ‘em are just becoming strippers or marryin’ themselves someone rich... it’s nice to meet a girl that has experience in something that isn’t so degrading and hasn’t been forced into trying something different,” he said, pushing himself off the car and walking back into the back room.

I blushed heavily at his words, happy that someone had noticed I was different and didn’t discriminate me for it (that and Harry had come and stood next to me, smiling.)

Mike came back into the room, my CV and a pair of overalls in hand.

“So, you’re pretty well educated too?” Mike asked, cocking up his eyebrow and looking at me. I nodded in return.

“When can you start?” he asked, not taking his eyes off mine, throwing me the overalls.

“Oh, my God! Are you serious?”

“Mmmhmm,” he told me, leaning back on the car and crossing his arms, smiling at me in approval.

“Oh my God! Anytime! Whenever you need me to start! I’ll be here!” I squealed, beaming.

“Well, I’m taking the next few days off to go to my daughter’s wedding off in New York so I’m closing shop until I get back but as soon as I open again, you’re in,” he told me, still smiling.

“Oh, my life, thank you!” I squealed again. I hugged him out of nowhere, making us all laugh. I said goodbye to the pair before leaving for home, being sure to pick up some beer to celebrate and a coffee on the way.

The next week seemed to drag on forever; I couldn’t wait to start work at the garage with Mike and Harry and as soon as the day came, I was literally bouncing off the walls; there was just something I loved about getting messy and fixing up an engine, particularly motorbikes. Cam laughed at me when I told him I was working there but I didn’t give a fuck; we all knew there was no way he could fix an engine and that I could fix almost anything.

As nervous as I was for my first day, I soon became comfortable working around the guys, which was unusual considering my shit-ass reputation with them, but these guys were nice; as soon as I walked in and they were playing some old, classic metal in the form of Pantera, I was one of them; I was part of their family.

I was finally putting together my new life in California when one day, no more than a week into my new job, my world came tumbling down as the one man I’d been dreading of facing again came rolling into the lot in his mint condition, vintage car.

He stepped out of the car, walking over and bro-hugging Harry. Of course they were friends; I’ve got as much luck as a dachshund in a race with the greyhounds. The two began to talk about whatever was wrong with his car as I tried to busy myself; keeping myself out of sight but close enough to still be able to see them.

After a few moments, Harry began heading to the backroom. I watched him walk, turning my head back round to my own work as I was met by a pair of, once, bright green eyes that had dulled greatly since I last saw them. They were sunken into their sockets, surrounded by dark bags atop a pasty, pale face. He looked ill; he was thinner. He’d lost a lot of weight since I’d last seen him.

He began his walk over to me, “Lauren?” his voice was weak, a hint of fear as he approached. Shit. He’d seen me.

I pretended not to hear him, going to walk into the backroom when he grabbed my arm, but not like he had before; he was gentle, as if he was weary after the last time.

“Hey, Lauren! How’ve you been?” he asked with a smile.

I didn’t know what to say to him; part of me wanted to run or cry; anything so I didn’t have to talk to him. But the other looked deep into his eyes, his face, and saw that he’d let himself go and I couldn’t help but blame myself for him getting in such a state.

“Hey, sorry, I’m fine...you?” I asked, I decided to at least act civil; despite everything, Cam still had to go to his job and in the coming months...years we were going to have to see each other; I could never hold a grudge forever.

“Yeah, I’m doing a lot better knowing you’re okay; I’ve kinda beat myself up after what happened; I never meant to hurt you and all this time I’ve been desperate to make it up to you, L, I didn’t mean for it to end up how it has..” he trailed off. His eyes told me he was being sincere but after it all, I was still cautious to trust him.

He was about to say more when Harry returned, “alright, Mr. Baker, stop flirting with our female staff and come and give me a hand with this,” he instructed, not stopping to talk but walking straight to the car.

Zack gave a nod before asking, “when do you get off?”

“As much as I can but once every other night at least,” my tongue moved faster than my brain did. His jaw dropped, breaking way into laughter as Harry stopped in his tracks and turned to view us, shock spread his face. My face burned with embarrassment, my hand coming up to cover my mouth.

“You’re lucky I like you, Lauren; anyone else that was discussing their masturbation habits with my customers would be out,” I heard Mike say as he too walked past me from the backroom.

With that, I lost all will to live. I buried my face in my hands. Why did that have to happen? Why in front of...him? Why did I have such a big gob? Why did I have to make some stupid joke about sex whenever the opportunity aroused? Aroused. Oh, for god sake.

Zacky still stood laughing at me, my face as red as traffic light, “I meant, when are you free for coffee?” he asked. I froze. Was I seriously considering this? After this little...incident, something told me I owed him; owed him for letting that happen...and for ignoring him and all the guys over the past few weeks.

“I’m not sure, I’ll ask,” I replied. I shouted over to Mike, “Mike, when can I get off?” (I obviously never learnt how to think before I spoke...ever.)

“I don’t care; anywhere but here,” he chuckled making the room snigger with him.

“Actually, or anywhere in public; I’m sure no one wants to see that and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal...best keep it for home, ay? That is unless Mr. Vengeance here will let you do it with him,” Harry added, making him and Mike coo. That was when Zack stopped laughing, making it suddenly extremely awkward between us both. I fake laughed at their lame jokes, accepting that I was probably going to be the butt of every joke from now on.

“Come on, let’s go,” I told Zack, grabbing my jacket, keys and phone and heading out the garage. As we walked past, Harry was stood up on the bonnet of one of the cars pretending to rub himself as Mike snorted behind him, making Zack chuckle. My face burned red again as we walked out, making sure I flipped them both off as we turned out, making them both laugh harder.

Coffee with Zack was nice; he explained what had happened and that he never truly intended to hurt me in any way (making my heart pop and tears form; he was still so lovely) and that he blamed himself for it all. He explained to me that over the years he’d had some issues with alcohol in that it made him really angry. He couldn’t apologize enough and, funnily enough, I forgave him. His face lit up, glad that I’d actually forgiven him; I never expected myself to and I doubt anyone else did but, as I said, I could never hold a grudge forever and if he really was sorry, I was prepared to believe him; I knew all too well what kind of shit alcohol could get you into; I’d been in enough trouble due to it that I understood exactly where he was trying to come from.

After tearing up and apologizing to each other, we ended up having a genuinely lovely chat; telling each other what had been going on. Zack laughed as he recalled drunken nights he’d had with the rest of the guys and I told him of my boring life so far; spending all day in front of the TV and Xbox.

Eventually I asked something that make us both shift in our seats; it was becoming a bit of a taboo; Zack knew what he’d said and he knew I needed answers; I wasn’t going to get them any other way.

“How are you and Brian?”

“We’re okay; after I apologized to him for that night, we was a bit cold but over the weeks he’s slowly warmed and become my friend again, haha, he’s a sensitive pussy really; you upset him it takes him a while to like you again,” Zacky explained.

It seemed there was a deeper story to why Syn could be so distant; I didn’t want to push though; judging by his suddenly sluggish posture, I guessed Zack didn’t really feel like talking about it. Although, it did make me even more curious about Brian; I thought he intrigued me before but now I had the suspicions that there really was more to him than met the eye, nothing could keep me from wanting to know more. But, above all, I needed to know whether he really did like me.

“So...Um...did you mean what you said? About him...What he said to you?” I asked.

Zack gave me a confused, “Lau, I was really fuckin’ drunk, you know; I remember none of it, to be honest,” he laughed.

Now I got uncomfortable; I didn’t really want to say it, “oh, well, it was something about his dick getting big when he thought of me or something...” I trailed off, trying to hide my face.

His face dropped, “aah, yeah, we had another scrap afterwards for that...” I looked up at him but his eyes were at his feet, this was genuine.

He lifted his head up, “can I be really honest with you, Lauren?”

“Of course...”

“He seems really fucking fond of you, shit, both of us are. He talks about you a lot, despite being an ass; he knows he can be cold and he beats himself for it, especially when it comes to you,” he told me, looking back to his feet, as if he were worried.  
Part of me was surprised, part of me wasn’t; I was shocked that it was genuine, considering Zack only said it when he was drunk, but most of all, that he admitted it at all. I wasn’t shocked, however, that they both happened to like me. Funny how they’re both so different at showing it.

“Why are you telling me this, Zack?” I asked, sincerely.

“Because I know he’s got a better chance with you now than I ever will...” he continued to look at his feet.

“Why do you say that?” I went to hold his hand but he pulled it away.

“Because I’ve fucked up worse than he has, Lauren; there are a hundred reasons why you’d pick him over me, no matter how much I love you.”

My heart completely stopped. “What?”

“I think I love you, Lauren. You’re the most beautiful, kind, accepting woman I’ve ever met and I’d really love for us to give this another try,” he said, his eyes pleading.

I had no idea what to say. I had no idea what to do. Zacky was a real gentleman and was honestly sorry about what had happened between us...but he still did it. Brian could be cold and distant, and he could be strong, quiet and protective, and he could be sweet, charming and cheeky. And I was intrigued by him, unlike Zacky. On top of that, in general, Brian was a lot more attractive, in my eyes, but Zacky seemed more interested. But most of all, I couldn’t believe I was supposed to pick between the two guitarists in one of my newest favourite band.

Luckily, I was able to divert from the conversation when my phone went off; I had three texts; one from Mike, one from Cam and one from an unknown number.

M: While you were off, your shift ended. Don’t worry about it though; I’ll let you off this once after what happened in the garage today; lot’s of lols.

C: Hey, L, just texting to ask where abouts you are; your shift ended a while ago and you aren’t back yet... x

?: hey, wanna hang sometime

I read my texts, replying to them all; I thanked Mike, told Cam to pick me up along the main street and asked who the unknown number was.

I had to lie to Zack; I couldn’t face him after what he’d said. I felt terrible for doing it but I had a billion thoughts racing through my head; Zack or Brian? What was I supposed to do with them? But more prominently, who the fuck had my number? Who was on the end of this mystery number?

I left the coffee shop, apologized to Zack and told him I’d speak to him soon. I let Cam pick me up and took me back to the house. I skipped dinner to have a shower. As soon as I was in the bathroom, I was throwing up. Mainly from the stress of everything going on but also from panicking over who had my number; I’d only given it to 5/6 people and I knew them all. I brushed my teeth and showered before dressing, doing my hair and going to bed for a completely restless sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Days had passed, receiving constant texts from both Zacky and the unknown number; Zack kept asking whether I was alright and asked to talk whereas the unknown number kept asking whether we could hang out.

I was so sick of getting the texts, one night I left my phone downstairs to keep it away from me. I wandered down the stairs the next morning to find Cam already up scrolling on his phone as he lent on the counter.

“Oh, morning! You’re phone’s been going off, by the way; looks like you’re quite popular with a certain guitar duo,” he told me, winking at me, “not too happy Zack’s texting you; have you seen him, or?” he asked, only looking up from his phone to say morning to return to scrolling.

“Yeah, Zack maybe; I doubt I’m very popular with Brian though... and yeah, I let him take me out for a coffee to apologize,” I told him, getting some biscuits out of the draw.

“Lauren, what are you doing seeing him? After everything he did to you...” he told me, turning his phone off and looking at me worriedly.

“Because I felt kinda bad and thought I owed him so...” I told him, pushing the custard creams into my mouth.

“You don’t owe him a thing. It’s just my opinion but...I think you’re better of replying to Brian and hanging out with him; he cares about you, L; he’s a genuine guy, I mean, I know you think he’s been a bit of a creep but, y’know, he’s one of my best buddies in the band. Him and Matt have practically been my mentors and, if I’m honest, I’d be much happier you being with him... I mean, you don’t have to; of course it’s your choice I just need you to know what my take on it all is...” he told me, love and care in his eyes.

It took me a while to let what he’d said sink in; I understood where he was coming from but Brian? Creepy Brian? From what other people had told me, he did like me but he made it really fucking difficult to believe with him being so distant and cold; the only times he’d shown that he had cared or did like me was after the night with Zacky and after I’d accidentally woken up in bed with him.

“Wait, you said reply to Brian, what do you mean? I haven’t spoken to him for weeks,” I shot him a confused look.

“Oh,” his own confused look on his face, “he’s been texting you though; you haven’t saved his number but he keeps asking if you’d hang out with him,” he told me, picking up my phone and handing it to me.

Brian was the unknown number.

How did he get my number? Zacky maybe? Cam even? I wasn’t going to ask, I was just going to talk to Jade and get some more girly advice; there was no way I was going to be able to figure this one on my own, not after last time.

“Oh, thanks Cam,” I walked up to him, hugging him, “d’you have any idea when Jade’s going to be around?”

“Yeah, she only went shopping, she’ll be back,” there was the sound of a key hitting a lock, “now, I guess,” we both smiled.

I greeted Jade and asked to have that girly chat. Jade told Cam to leave, which he refused, so Jade grabbed a bottle of wine, my hand and the dog leads, dragging us all out to the beach; I guess we were going to walk and talk now.

“So, what’s up?” Jade asked, taking a swig from the bottle.

“First and foremost, Zack said he loved me,” I told her, snatching the bottle from her and taking my own long swig.

Jade immediately spat all of the wine in her mouth onto the white sand, shooting me a look of shock, “you fucking what?! When was this!?!”

“Eurgh, about a week ago; he came by the garage and asked to talk so I let him take me out to coffee, he apologized and blamed it on the booze,” we both rolled our eyes, not quite believing that, “but then he went on to say how much better Bri would be for me and how much he likes me,” Jade looked as if she was totally lost, as was I, “and then went on to say how sorry he was and how he knew he never had another chance but that he thinks he loves me..” I trailed off, taking another gulp of wine before handing the bottle back to a speechless Jade.

“What did you say to that?” she asked, taking another sip.

“I didn’t; I left before I said anything... that’s why he’s been texting and asking if I’m okay; I made quite the speedy exit after that,” I explained, taking a large sip of the bottle before handing it back to Jade.

“Aah, what are you going to do?” she asked, continuing to share the bottle  
.  
“I have no idea, that’s why I wanted to talk to you; you’re my only girly friend over here and as I seem to be having so many boy-troubles already, you’re the only one I can go to; I really like Brian and everyone seems to be saying he’s the better option but he can be such a dick whereas Zacky made one slip-up but in general is a really nice guy; he seems sorry enough and he so say loves me and I feel bad and...I don’t fucking know,” I told her, rubbing my face in frustration; my emotions really were everywhere.

“No. Don’t ever feel bad for what Zacky did; he may be sorry for doing what he did to you but he’s got a bit of history with that kind of thing, so don't go thinking you're the only ne that it's likely to be a one-time thing... already, I can’t help but think he’s telling you he loves you just to try and get with you again,” she told me, completely serious.

“What?! What do mean he’s got a history with...that?!” I was in shock; why the fuck didn’t she tell me this before I went out with him?! If Id’ve known I never would have gone out with him!

“Well, eurgh, I’m not really supposed to tell you but given the circumstances... just put it this way, he’s no stranger to being a bit...forceful, particularly when he’s drunk; I don’t think he means it but he has been with girls that have come away with...bruises and stuff. I’m not saying he raped them or nought I just think that maybe he can get a bit...full on, y’know? You didn’t hear that from me though; I’m not even supposed to know; Cam only told me so I could watch myself...just in case," she told me, watching her feet in the sand, "But Brian!" he head lifted up, smiling at the sky, "Brian is basically the opposite; he may seem distant and cold but...he has his reasons; he’s had a really rough time over the past few months with women and it’s hit him hard; before he met you he’d be going out with Zack to get drunk and sleep with chicks and shit but all that seemed to stop when you arrived; he really obviously likes you, L, you’ve just got to give him time! You’ve got to wait until he’s comfortable; it’s been hard on him, trying to find someone new, that isn’t just a one-night-stand; he’s just got his guard up around you because he likes you...a Hell of a lot but he doesn’t want to get hurt like last time. Honestly, Lau, he’s such a great guy once you get to know him; he was the same with me when I arrived, you know? He was cold and distant with me but once we started to hang out more, he warmed and now he’s definitely one of the best guys out of the lot and he’s definitely the best looking; you can’t deny him that! But, again, I didn’t say that; I’d get an earful from Cam and Brain!” she winked.

Now I understood why everyone was so dead-against me seeing Zack again; (I was still worried why no one told me this before we went out but I wasn’t going to ask; I didn’t want them to ask any questions about me) this wasn’t going to stop me from trying to be civil with him though; I didn’t want all this to stop us from being friends. It also explained why everyone advocated me and Brian hooking up so much now; maybe he really did like me and want to be closer, I just had to give him time.

“Well, I guess I know who I should’ve picked now, ay?” I smiled at Jade, pulling into a hug, the now empty wine bottle making me shiver as the cold glass hit the warm skin of my shoulder.

“Well, look at that pair of hot stuff!”

“Johnny?” I whispered to Jade.

“Yep.”

We pulled out of our embrace, turning to see all five of the A7X guys smiling at us as we approached. I say that, my heart sank as the only one that wasn’t smiling was Zack; he stood to the back of the group with some plastic blonde chick that was giving me and Jade an evil death-glare, his eyes at the floor, guilt smeared all over his face. I guess Jade was right; he didn’t really ‘love’ me at all.

I was pulled out of my own saddening thoughts as I was pulled into another hug with Jade and a figure that stood way above us; Jimmy.  
“Hey, Jim!” I squealed.

“Hey, my favourite!” He squealed back.

“Aww, I’m your favourite?” I asked, putting my hand on my heart.

“Yeah! You’re one of the only girls that Bri’s liked that I’ve thought was really rad too!” He told me, a huge, warming grin on his face as Brian came to his side and whacked him; he obviously wasn’t allowed to be saying that, especially not to me.

I blushed as Brian began to speak, once Jade and Jimmy had excused themselves to let us talk, “sorry about him; he’s not supposed to be allowed to say that,” he told me, nervously scratching the back of his head, “oh, I’ve been meaning to apologize for that night on the beach a couple of weeks back as well; I realized I was being a dick, talking to you like that, and I’ve been trying to text you and stuff but you seem to be ignoring me and I thought you were really angry and, yeah, I’m sorry,” he trailed off, still rubbing the back of his neck as his face reddened with embarrassment; he was cute like that, his long hair busting out of the cap placed on his head as he messed it up further with his hand; he was obviously being sincere, unlike another certain male that was stood in the area..

My hands were sweating as I rubbed them from my own nerves, “no, God, Bri, it’s fine! I’ve kinda been meaning to talk to you too it’s just, I didn’t know it was you texting me until Cam told me this morning,” I laughed nervously, “and Jim? No worries, I guess your secret’s safe with me,” I winked at him, earning a smile. His smile really was infectious, almost as infectious as Jimmy’s, but it was perfect, particularly in the late afternoon sun.

“Yeah, he can be a little shit sometimes but he’s still my best friend, y’know?” he told me, stepping closer as his eyes trailed off to look at Jimmy, admiration in his eyes.

“Yeeeaah, I know,” I lied, I may have had good friends back in England but I was never as close or reliant to them as Brain and Jimmy were.

His eyes travelled back round, his gaze falling upon Zacky and his new bimbo heavily making out just a few yards away. Both our gazes had found the other guys huddled round talking, they too had seen Zack and his girl; they all looked at them then to me, sad, sorry looks plastered their faces.

“I want to apologize on behalf of him too; he’s not usually such a dick; if anything he’s the nicest one out of us all...I don’t get why he’s so disrespectful to you; you’re so much nicer than any of the other girls we tend to be around, I say that, I mean me and Zack; Matt, Johnny and Jimmy’s girlfriends are ace too, I mean, you’re nicer than them but you’re all nicer than who me and Zack-“

I cut him off; he was obviously getting a bit awkward, “Brian, shush!” I told him, holding his bicep to try and calm him; the same bicep that had held me in the bed all those weeks ago, the same bicep that held me when I needed to be held after the night with Zack; it was so protective and, if I’m honest, it made me a tad emotional just looking at it, “it’s fine,” I told him, rubbing his arm, my gaze returning to meet his, “I’m done falling for Zack; I’m not going to get played like before, I told you, I want to get to know you, for God’s sake..” I told him, blushing.

“Well then,” he said, flashing that perfect grin that I so wished to see all the time, “when are you free?” he asked, looking down at me, smirking.

“Now,” I told him, smirking back.

His face completely lit up, “okay then, let’s go,” he took me by the waist and began to walk across the beach towards the boardwalk. Everyone watched us, smirking at us to go on; I guess everyone agreed that Bri was the best for me, that was everyone besides Zacky; he'd stopped sucking the bimbos face off to watch us walk, disappointment and guilt evident in his face.

I stopped, “wait, let me just make sure Jade is okay to take Hud home,” I went to turn back around to talk with her when Brian put his arm around my waist in front of me, pulling me back around.

“Don’t worry; I know a little place along the front that’ll allow him,” the infamous Gates’ smirked lined his face, not even looking behind him. Turning back to walk towards the walk, Bri called for Pinkly and Hudson followed.

We walked all the way along to the opposite end of the boardwalk, Pinkly and Hudson in tow. The entire walk down, we joked and laughed, even flirted a bit. We learnt a lot about each other that night; he’d told me himself about the troubles he’d had in his previous relationship and how she’d cheated on him for several, long months without his knowing and how cautious he’d been with finding a serious relationship ever since (I guess me and Bri really weren’t that different.) He’d even got a bit emotional, making me lean in and hug his side as we walked. He hugged back and as I pulled away slightly, my arm stayed around his middle while his arm led over my shoulders. I’d continued to talk about some of the struggles I’d had in relationships; the cheaters and the users...I couldn’t tell him everything yet though; as much as I now loved being with Brain, I wasn’t completely ready to give him everything.

Before I knew it, we reached our destination. It completely took my breath away. It was on the very end of the boardwalk; it was a small, secluded, open bar; there were no real walls; just the one wall that held the glasses and alcohol that stood with its back against the sea. On top of this, the only lights were those of the hanging lanterns that were hung around the bar; over the roof and supports, and there were candles that stood on the few tables. It was unbelievably romantic; there were couples everywhere, their dogs at their feet. Some people had even taken candles onto the beach to sit and watch the setting sun; either to make out or to continue to play with their dogs together. Part of me wondered why Brian had taken me here; it wasn’t as if we were a couple, but maybe he wanted us to be? The thought made me smile, catching his attention.

“What do you think?” he asked, pulling me closer as we walked forward; he already knew the answer, that’s why there was such a big smile on his face.

“Bri, it’s beautiful, what the fuck?” I told him, smiling wildly.

“Yeah, I know, wait? What do you mean what the fuck? This is, like, the best place I know!” he joked.

“Yeah, I know, I’m just confused as to why you brought me here; it’s not like we’re really close or anything and it just seems a little too special for a first date..” I let it slip out, mentally cursing myself as we sat down at the bar.

“First date, ay? Well, I’m glad you see it that way; you’re special to me, Lauren; I know we haven’t really gotten to know each other a lot yet but I feel I’m beginning to like you a lot more than I first thought and I very rarely bring anyone here that I don’t feel like I love, shit, not even any of the guys know about this place; I’ve only brought a very small handful of girls here, all of which I regret..” he explained and my heart pinched a touch.

“Aw, Bri,” I looked at him, small tears beginning to form, “I feel like I kinda feel the same way, particularly after tonight,” his head shot up, surprised that I’d admitted it. For a second we were interrupted; the bartender came to take our orders.

“You serious?” he asked with a vague smile.

“Yeeaah, despite everything that’s happened, you’ve still been funnier, more charming and, I guess, generally nicer than Zack was...anyone I’ve ever been with, even. You’re really starting to grow on me, Bri; I didn’t think I liked you at first but after the fight and everything and this,” I looked around at the bar, “I’m starting to really...really like you,” I told him, small tears in both our eyes.  
He leant forward. I thought he was going to kiss me when our drinks arrived. We both chuckled, adding a “probably best we don’t do that; I don’t want to take this too far too quickly,” Brain smiled as he handed me my drink. I agreed with him; if I liked him as much as my heart was telling me, I wanted this to last as long as possible and I didn't want to rush a thing.

The rest of the night was really, just...fun. We laughed and joked and talked about some of the fun times we’d had before we’d met; I explained some of the times I’d had back in England with my old friends while Brian described times on tour and the childhood he’d spent with the band; all the antics they’d got up to. He spoke mostly of the antics of him and Jimmy; they definitely were the best of friends. He went on to talk about how they’d played with Metallica and how big a pinnacle that was for the band which, naturally, led us to talking about our music tastes, many of which, were very similar.

We’d had a few drinks and decided to leave, saying goodbye to the few people around us we’d had conversations with (one couple even told us how great a couple we made which led to a somewhat awkward conversation of how we weren’t actually together, followed by the bartender telling us that we should be.)

We walked back down the front towards Cam’s place, singing a load of old rock and metal ballads as we went. We arrived at Cam’s door, slowly turning to each other.

“Well, thanks for walking me back, and for letting me borrow your jacket,” dragging the coat off my shoulders and handing it back; it had gotten fairly cold after the sun set and I’d borrowed his jacket due to not being able to pick up my own when Jade dragged me out.

“It’s no bother, I’ll, um, see you around,” he turned to leave.

“Wait, don’t you want to stay here? We haven’t got a spare bed or anything but I can take the couch or..you could, um, share my bed with me? I mean, not like that! It’s just I don’t know how safe it is for you to be walking home on your own in the dark with Pinkly and everything,” I asked him, concerned.

He stepped back to me, slowly pecking my cheek, making me gasp, “I’ll be fine,” he smiled, “goodnight, Lauren,” he let go of the hand he’d held when he’d kissed me and walked back down the drive to turn left back into town.

Breathless, I let myself in to find everyone had gone to sleep. I fed Hudson and put him to bed then made my way upstairs, not bothering with a shower but undressing myself to put on my oversized Avenged Sevenfold shirt, drifting to sleep with a smile on my face; finally happy. I'd never thought I'd feel the way I did about Brian, in fact, after the few years I'd had, I never thought I'd feel it with anyone; I thought I had with Zack but what I felt with him was nothing compared to Brian. He was just, so, unbelievably romantic; for a big, tough, rockstar guy, he really knew how to treat women, unlike Zack; all Zack seemed to do was flirt which, in some ways, was nice but after a while it was uncomfortable, whereas Bri had the best of both; he knew exactly when to flirt and exactly when not to. I couldn't doubt that I was falling for him a bit but I had to keep reminding myself that I thought the same about Zacky; despite all their defferences, I'd still found myself falling for them both. The only difference was, Zack fucked up...big time. I was still prepared to be friends but there was no way I was going back there; Brian had shown me how I was really supposed to be treated which was the oppsite to what I'd felt for all these years. The more I thought about it, the more I thought about being with Brian but I had to take this slow; I wanted this to last as long as possible.


	12. Chapter 12

It had been a few weeks since the night at the bar with Brian and Pinkly; I’d been so busy at the garage that I’d barely had any kind of social life; Bri came by a few lunch times with egg-mayo sandwiches and juice pouches (coincidentally, my favourite... I blamed Jade for that) but other than those very few visits it’d pretty much been work, eat, sleep, repeat for the last month-ish.

Luckily though, Brian’s 25th birthday was coming up in the next week so I’d finally get to break the cycle. I’d bought him a present, as I kind of owed him; it was a pair of fuchsia pink high tops. It wasn’t that I thought he’d suit pink (although, pink did go with his beautiful brown eyes pretty well); it followed a joke we’d had one afternoon on the beach. He’d taken forever to put his shoes back on which led to me to telling him how ‘shoe,’ in French, was feminine. That led to a big discussion/argument about how he wasn’t a girl and that he was a ‘real man.’ He bigged himself up and stretched his muscles like a pro-wrestler would as he said it, making me laugh uncontrollably which, I noticed, made him smile as he watched me fall about with laughter. So, due to that, I’d decided it was a little private joke between us and that the best thing to get him was a pair of pink shoes; pink being a stereotypical girl’s colour. Every time I looked at them sat on my dresser at home I reminisced about the beach, which led to the first night we’d gone for drinks, which led to me thinking about how much I was really beginning to warm to him and how, I think, he was slowly beginning to warm to me, at least that's what I thought; I figured he must be beginning to warm to me and like me; he was certainly putting the hours in and, to be honest, I was blown away by his sheer dedication to hang out; he stuck at it, considering how little time I had to spend with him.

I’d just come off lunch break on the Thursday afternoon when Mike called a staff meeting; I got in, put down my lunchbox, washed my hands and joined the small circle stood in the centre of the floor. There were 4 of us now; me, Harry, Mike and the new guy, Paul. He’d only been with us for a few weeks but he was certainly one of the most hardworking guys I’d ever seen; he was a skinny dude with short, light brown hair. I felt kinda bad for him; being the new guy, he got all the jokes... part of me was happy though; I no longer got the masturbation joke burden.

“So, it’s coming up to the summer and lots of people are gonna start wanting to use their trucks again,” Mike began, “but I also know we’ve all been sweating out balls off with work and I know Lau won’t mind me saying that,” he said, making us all chuckle. “The past few months have been difficult and a lot of work has come in and I expect to be getting only more over the summer,” he stood from where he was leant on one of the bonnets of the cars, “so, to try and get us all a little break, Harry and I have been training up some newbies and brought in some old, more experienced guys to help cover the shifts; less than 6 months ago this place was tiny but we’re really taking off and, I believe, we’re in desperate need of more hands so getting in some squirts and employing some of the old guys that used to work here will be a Hell of a lot of help to us all. They should be in working most days in the normal hours which means, hopefully when I work out all the shifts, we’ll all get some more time off!” he shouted the last part, lifting his arms up, making us all cheer.

“So, how many days a week will we have to come in?” Paul asked.

“I haven’t worked it all out yet but it’ll be no more than 2-3 days a week, I imagine, which is obviously a lot more than the 6 days a week we’re all in now!” Mike answered.

“What does that mean money-wise? Can we afford all these new guys?” I asked.

“Well, I’m planning on using the refurb money; they’re not technically meant to be being paid; most of them are apprentices but this place doesn’t need any work done and with the business growing as fast as it is, I’m pretty sure we’re making enough to pay the guys that need paying. Although, as I’m asking them to work over the holidays, I am going to pay them a little; us and the old employees will be paid normal wage and I’ll pay the newbies a little just for coming in, even though I don’t have too but I feel a little bad, so. I’m also going to be permanently employing one or two afterwards so I’ll need you guys to help mentor and help me pick; we need the extra hands and it’s best if they get along with you guys too,” Mike explained, “but before I forget, let me know when any of you are planning on taking any holidays so I can figure out shifts and stuff,” he asked.

“Woo!” I said, lifting my hands in the air before re-adjusting my overalls and continuing my work on an old Harley that the coolest biker in the world brought in; he was about 50-60, a grey goatee, sunglasses, a flaming bandana over his head and a huge leather jacket (and boots) that was littered with patches of old metal bands; Pantera mostly.

I managed to just about finish on the bike before work was up; I closed up the engine and washed my hands and face of the oil before noting down that I was finished and calling the owner to come and collect the Harley in the morning. I hung the keys in the safety box that hung above the main desk, where we kept all the keys to cars we were working on as well as our own personal ones, and grabbed my own keys from the hook with my name above them and made my way out to the private car park to the side of the garage, where we kept our own cars and any that we needed to move. I unlocked the gates and made my way over to my 25 year old, matt black Land Rover Defender 110; the same model my Dad had that I’d been able to fully restore to working condition. I’d bought it as a pile of rust and my Dad and I managed to completely restore it; we removed all the rest, completely re-did the interior, and added a radio and central heating (which the truck had never been built with.) My Dad had bought his own not too many years before I bought mine; he did the same with his except it was green and was often filthy from the amount of times he’d gone green-laning in it. I’d had it shipped over a few weeks ago; there were a lot of memories within that truck; bad and good. But most of all, it reminded me of my Dad and, being so far away from him, I needed something that was...him..with me; me and Dad were extremely close much like Cam and I; we both looked a lot like our Dad, despite only being half-siblings. It was phenomenal that we were only half-brother and sister; we were so alike in so many ways; we had the same mannerisms and looks, all inherited from our father; we were like the 3 musketeers, or how I’d heard it put many times.

I climbed into the familiar grey, fabric seats on the truck and pulled out of the car park, heading back to Cam’s. Before I knew it, the fuel gauge ticket, telling me I was running low so I pulled into the first gas station I found, just outside Huntington, to fill up.

I pulled up, taking my keys out of the engine and opened up my door. As I turned I noticed a vaguely familiar white-blonde sat in a vaguely familiar classic 1950s Cadillac. She watched me, disgust in her face as she flicked her bleached hair off her shoulder and watched forward.

I shrugged it off, quickly leaping from my seat to fill up. I turned to the pumps, picking up the diesel. It was then I noticed a familiar tattooed hand reaching for the pump on the opposite side. I slowly raised my head, not wanting to face the man the hand belonged to but before I knew it I was met with a pair of sharp, light green eyes.

Zacky Vengeance.

My breath caught, not wanting to speak to him, even if I knew that eventually, I would have to.

“Hey,” he said nervously.

“Hey,” I returned, not being able to divert my gaze from his eyes.

The bimbo must have gotten a bite of the jealousy as she then leant out of the car to talk to her ‘bobo.’

“Hey, bobo, how long you gonna be, baby?” she whined.

“As long as I need, okay?!” he snapped, shouting at her, making both me and her freeze. He turned back to me, an apologetic look washed over his face.

I was suddenly ripped from my chance, remembering why it was I was so upset with him; “wow, you really are a nice guy...” I scoffed, reminding myself of what Jade had told me about his temper.

He inhaled, as if her were about to say something but before he could I turned my back, not wanting to hear his excuses or try to defend himself. I went to fill my truck as I faintly heard a defeated exhale of breath before I heard the sound of a pump being picked up and the pop of a fuel cap.

I managed to fill my car and run to the store without looking at either of the couple. I picked up an energy drink and went to the cashier, paying for my drink and diesel. Just as I turned to exit, I walked into him.

“Look, I’m sorry, Lauren. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he told me, holding my arm; making my heart beat faster as the memories of our night,that seemed so distant before, came flooding back.

“Oh, okay, but it’s okay to upset her?” I asked, referring to his blonde. I didn’t like her, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I hated how he spoke to her; I knew where she was coming from; I’d been in her position; with a guy that was far too violent and there was a small part of me that wanted to help her; if not, just stand up for her; no one deserves to be spoken to like that; man or woman.

“That’s not what I said,” he spat, getting angry, his grasp on my arm growing.

My palms sweat as I tried to pull away, “we really going back down that road, Zack?” I asked, motioning to my arm, “trying to take advantage while Brian’s not here? While your ditsy blonde can’t see? Jade told me what you’re like, how you tend to treat women, and I’m not going to just stand here and take it, least not from you. I’ve been down that road too many times and I’m not going back; not now. Not ever,” it was my turn to spit. I was surprised I even had it in me.

“I told you I loved you,” he spat again, less of anger but more of hurt, his grip got tighter as his eyes seemed to well with tears.

“Oh, boohoo, Zack! You think I really believe that bullshit? You don’t know a thing about me! And, Hell, you think I’m likely to believe you after I’ve seen you sucking your bitch’s face off? I just...fuck you, Zack! I thought I liked you..” I shouted, slowing to a whisper at the end, ashamed.

His grip loosened as his jaw hit the floor in shock. I began to make my escape before I turned back to him.

“You know what, Zack? Even after everything, I still wanted us to be friends...I still do want us to be friends; I want to be able to help you. Everyone knows what went down between us and I’m not one to want to hold a grudge; it’s not going to help anything. My brother’s your fucking roadie so it’s not like I can ignore you and if I am to become a part of this friendship group, I’ve got to at least be civil and right now you’re making that extremely difficult to do.” I was going to say more but my eyes were beginning to well, along with his. He still seemed shocked; shocked I’d been able to stand up to him...to be honest, I was surprised too; I never expected to have that kind of courage to be able to stand against any man, never mind him.

I wasn’t going to stay any longer; I turned around, heading for the door, after whispering a small, “see you around,” as I walked through the door. I thought I heard him whisper an, “I’m sorry,” as I left but I shrugged it off.

I power-walked over to my truck and just as I reached the handle a set of manicured claws grabbed my arm; I guess the two had a lot in common after all.

“What were you saying to my bobo? Who are you to him?” she seemed to shout but her voice was low, as if she were angry but didn’t want anyone else to know.

“He’s nothing to me, not anymore; I thought he might have meant something some time ago, but now?” I scoffed, “he’s all yours,” I told her, tearing open my door as he sped-walked out the store.

I jumped into my truck and started the engine before he got to us. He looked up at me with a face that seemed both angry and sorry as his blonde started to shout at him. They began a full-blown argument as I pulled away and out of the gas station.

The drive home was loud; blasting anything heavy in an attempt to drown my own sobs. I drove right past Cam’s lodge; there was no way I could go back, not right now. I ended up driving for miles, eventually pulling over to sit on the cliffs, overlooking the dark ocean. I sat for a good hour-or-so, on my own with a slowly diminishing crate of beers, until I heard someone call.

“Lauren?” I froze as the voice from the shadows spoke. A man, I’d figured.

“Lauren, that’s you, right?” the tears slowly began to fall down my face again as my breath hitched and the assailant got closer. Part of me wanted it to just be over; let him do whatever he wanted to me; I’d let it before, why was now so different? Maybe, because this was supposed to be a new start? A new me? But all I wanted was for it to be over...everything. It would all be so much easier, to just let everything happen...happen; to not fight. I took a long swig of the bottle I held as I shook like paper in the wind; the memories of everything that had happened before Cali flooded my mind and distorted my vision; images of the men flashed before my eyes causing me to sob uncontrollably. My eyes drifted to my legs, scars from those nights poking from under the shorts I wore, further reminding me of the horrors, causing my body to shake more violently in self-loathing.

“Lauren?” the shadow-man said, placing a large hand on my shoulder. My entire body jumped, making me completely break down. I felt his eyes on my back, probably watching the scars that littered my neck and shoulders that I’m sure were about to burst from the stress and pain.

“Lauren?” I gave no response; I didn’t want to look at him; I wanted him to just do what he wanted and leave; I wasn’t worth it.

“Lauren? Lauren, it’s me, Jimmy?”

My breath caught again at the name, although I couldn’t see his face; the tears blurred my view. It was then I felt him sit beside me and bring a hand to wipe away my tears. His long fingers stroked my eyes and cheeks in an attempt to calm me and wipe the tears from my face. It was then I re-opened my eyes and was met with his sad, blue eyes looking directly into mine. I sobbed further, leaning into him, resting my head on his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his middle as he wrapped his around my shoulders.

We sat that way for a long time, him slowly rocking me back and forth to calm me down. I gasped as I felt what must have been one of his tears fall atop my head, I quickly pulled my head back and looked at him but he’d already brought his arm up to hide his face.

“Jim?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper.

“Lauren,” he retorted.

“What’s going on?” I pushed.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he had a point.

There was a silence for a while before he spoke again, “you go first.”

My heart stopped, terrified to tell him. Was I really going to tell all? Tell him everything? Did I really trust him enough? No. I trusted him a heck of a lot more than any of my other new friends here in Huntington Beach but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him; he was becoming one of those that I cared about too much to tell. It was odd; I’d only met Jimmy a few times but already I felt like I cared about him a lot... as if he were a brother.

“I don’t know what to say...” I stuttered, not sure where to start.

“Well, why are you upset?” tears made their way back down my face as I began to explain.

“Well,” I began, turning my body to face the water, “literally because I’ve just seen Zack,” he nodded in understanding, “and it’s just reminded me of how many shitty-ass situations I’ve been in with men and how many times I’ve failed to save myself and how destroyed I am due to it.. and how desperate I seem to be loved...only to be hurt again,” my voice cracked, tears streaming.

“Aaah... how bad was it? Your relationships?” he asked, looking back at me.

“Pretty bad,” I whispered, gently pulling my shorts to show his just the first row of scars. His arm pulled me closer and I felt him exhale. I looked back at him, tears in both our eyes, “it wasn’t me, though, I mean, some were me but most weren’t..” I explained.

“You mean to say you didn’t do that to yourself? Some other sick bastard did that to you?” he spat, angry. Angry at whoever had hurt me.

“Jim, I’m sorry,” I began, my breath hitching as I tried to control myself.

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” he told me, quickly pulling my into a hug, his hand resting on my head to keep it in his shoulder.

“Jimmy, I can’t do this, I can’t,” I sobbed.

“Can’t do what? What can’t you do?” he begged.

“Any of this, I can’t cope anymore. I can’t tell you what’s going on, shit, Cam doesn’t even know. I can’t keep it inside anymore, Jim, but I daren’t tell anyone. I can’t do this anymore..” I choked out, trying to get up but only slipping and falling from the cliff.

There was suddenly a pair of large arms around me, stopping me from falling; holding me in a hug, my face back in the crook of his neck.  
“Lauren, you don’t have to tell me everything but you can’t go. Brian loves you.. I love you, shit, everyone really loves you. You realize how devastated they’d be if you...left? I know we’re not all that close yet but you’re a good friend and Brian, well, he’s my best friend and he really fuckin’ loves you and I can’t watch him get hurt again; I can’t let you go. I need to protect you to protect you both. I can’t watch him destroy himself in guilt; he’ll blame himself and destroy himself. He really fuckin’ likes you, Lauren and I can’t let you hurt him; I care about the both of you way too much. I’m so fuckin’ glad you’ve told me what you have; now I know Brian’s got something worth saving.. and protecting. You’re beyond spectacular, Lauren, and none of us could cope if you were gone.”

Jimmy’s words only made me sob harder; I knew exactly what ending this meant; I knew it would destroy everyone around me but I had to take that chance; I had to hurt them in order to free myself.

“But that’s exactly why I’ve got to go; I love you all too much; I can’t tell you anything in fear of hurting you.. but I can’t stay,” I tried to explain, between my voice cracking.

“No,” Jimmy spun me to look at him, gripping my shoulders, “you have got to stay. You know why I’m up here? All on my own? Because I thought the same as you. I’m sick, Lauren, I don’t know how long I’ve got. I don’t know how long I can take this either. I came up here for the same reason you did. We’re a lot more alike than we thought. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened and I promise to you that I will do everything I can to help you; I care about you and want to make sure you’re okay and I know Brian and the other guys will be exactly the same, just, please don’t do it. I need to know that everyone will be okay when I go and, if you’re not there, I can’t be sure that everyone will be okay,” tears now made their way down his cheeks.

I stopped for a moment, shocked.

“I.. I don’t know what to say, I...” I tried to say something but nothing was coming.

“Lau, you don’t have to say anything, just come back with me and I’ll drop you off and yours,” he offered, making me cry again.

“Thank you, Jimmy,” I told him, sobbing again. Partly in relief but partly in pain; I was glad Jimmy was there to stop me but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last.

The two of us sat atop the cliff for another hour-or-so, drinking slowly. Talking about some of our past and how we reeaally weren’t all that different. Eventually, Jim stood up and lent me a hand to pull me to my feet.

“You sure you can drive?” my speech slightly slurred from the alcohol.

“Yeah, I’ve actually only had 2 or 3, whereas you have had about 4 too many,” he smiled at me. His smile was so damn infectious and immediately made a smile of my own, “we’ll take your car so no one gets suspicious at yours; I know what it’s like to arrive home to a house of people, drunk in someone else’s car, so..” he explained, taking my keys and opening my door for me before helping me in and getting in to the driver’s side.

“So, we keep this between us, right?” I asked him quickly, suddenly paranoid I couldn’t trust him and that he’d spill.

“Yeah, if you want; as I said, I’m kind of in the same situation as you; I don’t want anyone to know either. Just know, I’m always here if you need me,” he smiled again.

I sighed in relief, “thank you.”

“We especially don’t tell Brian; it’d kill him if he found out; he doesn’t know about me either...it’s a bit like you not telling Cam,” he explained which shocked me a bit, considering how close they were.

“Okay..”

“It’s our little secret,” he smiled again, pulling away from the edge and turning back into town.

“It’s our little secret..”


	13. Chapter 13

I leapt up in my bed so I sat; sweat dripping from my body as I tried to catch my breath after the horror of a nightmare. I shook, shivered in my skin as I desperately tried to rid the images from my mind. A demon... a ghoul seemed to posses my thoughts; the gruesome profile of a grey-haired devil, with glowing red eyes, plastered my eyelids; his face appearing every time I blinked. I shook heavily, the fiend from my childhood dreams slowly fading as I turned to my bedside table to grab my phone. First, I checked the time; 2 in the afternoon, I sighed in defeat before realizing I had several missed calls and texts from Cam and Jade, probably due to my late antics the night before, as well as a few texts from Brian and one from Jimmy. I read Brian’s first, too worried to read what Jimmy had to say. Brian’s all seemed to be asking about tonight and that he was looking forward to seeing me, which made me smile... until I saw his last text which simply read: ‘are you okay?’ It could have just been general, considering I hadn’t been answering him... or, Jimmy had told him. The later thought making me panic and shake as tears came to my eyes; if Brian knew it would break him; me and Jimmy both knew that, so why would he tell him?

L: Sorry I haven’t replied; ive been uber busy at work but yeah, Im looking forward to tonight too! :) ... what do you mean am I okay? Im fine :) xx

I text him back, worried of his reply before opening Jimmy’s message. It read:

J: what have you got B for his bday? I forgot and don’t want to double presents.. x

Confusion washed over me; the text had been sent after the night on the cliffs; this morning in fact, what was he up to?  
Before long, I got another text in from Brian,

B: ah, great; cant wait to see you.. and no real reason; you just hadn’t replied and idk.. i was worried :) xx

L: oh, okay, well, ive got to get ready.. i’ll see you tonight :) xx

I quickly replied before flicking back to Jimmy’s text, thoughtfully answering him.

L: ive got him some pink shoes... its a bit of a private joke; i’ll explain tonight... are we okay? x

I shook in apprehension as my phone buzzed with another text.

J: oh? Hahahahahaha okay, thanks.. and yeeaah ?? why wouldnt we be? x  
Upon reading the text, my worry grew, what was he playing at? Did he not want to talk about everything we said? Was he so serious about our ‘secret’ that he couldn’t text me about it? Was he trying to forget it? ... Or embarrassed about telling Brian? Either way, I was getting worried and confused.

Thoughts pounded my mind like a gorilla pounds its chest. My eyes began to well as I curled up and began to rock... a childhood coping mechanism for when I found myself scared, in a situation that I wasn’t going to get out of or when I was going to be hurt. I rocked more violently, almost tipping over, as the hellhound of my ongoing nightmares reclaimed my thoughts. I sobbed lightly in terror as my door slowly clicked open. My childish memory told me it was the beast and that I should scream, which I did, only to be met with Jade’s warm, but concerned, face standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked, worry coating her soothing voice. She entered the room, closing the door before sitting on the edge of my bed, her soft hand holding my knee to stop me from rocking.

I wiped my eyes before I lied, “yeah, just a stupid nightmare,” as it wasn’t just a nightmare; it was the recurring nightmare that chilled me to the bone ever since I was young; the nightmare that came back and back again to haunt me every time I thought things might be going well; the nightmare that continues to plague every aspect of my life, in one way or another. On top of that, my emotions were still on a rollercoaster regarding Zacky and Brian.. and the situation with Jimmy was confusing and upsetting me even further; the last thing I needed was to open up to him, however little I did so, for him to now ignore me and tell everyone.

“Awwwh,” Jade looked sympathetically, “well, why don’t you drink this coffee, relax, take a shower, get something to eat and doll yourself up and make sure you look good for Bri’s party? I know how much you seem to like him, especially after all he did for you with Zack, and I’m pretty sure he really likes you too,” she suggested, handing me the coffee, a friendly smile lining her beautiful face.  
“Yeah, will do,” I tried to sound convincing in my confidence as I attempted the same friendly smile, failure stopping me; knowing I looked more like drowned roadkill in comparison to her and that was on a good day.

“Okay, I’ll cook up some sausages and egg for sandwiches and you’ll join us for your breakfast, yeah? Even though it’s gone 2 in the afternoon!” she winked, smiling that same beautiful smile that made my stomach unfortunately churn with envy; she was so naturally pretty.

“Yeah, sounds great,” I told her, taking a sip of the coffee rather than trying to smile again; my face ached and was stiff from the tears.

“Okay,” she said, patting my knee before exciting the room.

Tears slowly fell down my face. I didn’t really know why I was suddenly so so envious of Jade; I’d always been jealous of her natural beauty and intelligence but lately it seemed to be getting worse; like there was some red/green monster of hate that amplified my jealousy and made me nasty and upset. Jade had always been the perfect woman... human even; she was naturally stunning, big, brown eyes, smart, perfect figure, perfect housewife and friend.. and girlfriend; she was a fantastic cook, she was easy to console in and she was kind and loving to everyone. Whereas me? I lied to my only friends. I let everyone take advantage of me, and then blamed myself. I hurt the ones I cared about most and even after I move away, the ghosts of my past follow and I ruin it all again. Already, I didn’t like who I was becoming. Maybe it was because I was close to Cam? I loved him, but he reminded me of home which led me to reliving the darkness I fought through back in England. I finished my coffee and decided I needed a place for myself; somewhere where I didn’t have any reminders of my past and where I could really start afresh.

I headed for the shower, leaning in to turn it on before gradually undressing. Steam began to fog the mirrors as the shower powered. Despite the mist on the glass, I still managed to catch a glimpse of my scar-ridden body. My head snapped away from the reflection, my eyes closing to hold the tears, sick climbing to the top of my throat, making me gag. I swallowed the puke, not wanting to let myself empty my stomach at, what most would consider a seriously petty thing. I stepped into the shower, eyelids still shut tight until I was stood beneath the impending water. My tears seemed to fall faster than that of the spray of the shower, making visibility limited. I washed my body best I could before turning off the shower, stepping out and finding a towel. As I dried my body, the mist on the mirrors faded. My head tilted up, expecting to still find fog on the glass, but found my own face. My eyes were red from the heat and the tears, my face drooped and pale, hair tangled beyond belief. Stomach contents seemed to rise in my throat quicker than I could apprehend, making me spew into the sink before me. I continued to hurl as tears, yet again, found my eyes; disgusted that I’d done it...again. As I finished, I wiped my mouth on my towel, my eyes looking everywhere but the mirror. I took my toothpaste and toothbrush, quickly washing my mouth before throwing on some pants, a pair of cotton shorts and a largely oversized Metallica shirt.

I stumbled down the stairs, wavering from left to right I guessed from both being sick and the alcohol I’d consumed the night before.

“Hey, glad you could join us!” Cam called before looking at me, “shit, Lau, you look terrible! Are you okay?” he asked concerned.

“Oh, wow, thanks Cam.” I retorted, not in the mood to joke with him, slamming myself down onto a chair at their large dinner table that was placed just behind the staircase, out of sight to those first entering the house.

“Jeez, what the fuck’s up with you, pissy pants!?” he asked, getting angry at my foul mood.

“I’m fine! Fuck sake!” I shouted, quickly losing my temper, standing up to charge out of the room.

He quickly placed a hand on my shoulder, putting me back in the chair, “whoa, no! You’re NOT speaking to me like that! What the fuck is up?! You come back all on your own on a Thursday night at dawn, pissed as all fuck! Don’t get up till gone 3 in the afternoon looking like you’ve been on some crazy drug that’s instantly made you pale and sickly! Jade says you’ve been having nightmares!” he shouted, rubbing his face as he slightly calms, becoming more concerned than angry, “just, why are you being so bitchy and snappy all of a sudden? What’s going on?” he asked, looking straight into my now hot, red, tearful face.

“I’m fine.” I spat, “and I didn’t come home alone last night; I came home with Jimmy.”

“You fucking didn’t!” he was growing angry again.

“Yes I fucking did! How would you know?! You were asleep, you prick!”

“What?! I dragged you up the fucking stairs! You were so damn pissed you couldn’t crawl up them, never mind walk!” he shouted.

Rather than being upset, I was confused; I was sure I wasn’t that drunk and I was sure Jimmy brought me back, “I’m fucking done with you, I’m going out. Jade, I’m sorry he’s being such a dick.” I turned to Jade, both our faces filled with tears.

I got up to leave, calling Hudson as I grabbed his lead and my keys.

“Hey, I’m not fucking done with you!” Cam called just as I opened the door.

I slowly turned to face him, “you’re not Dad, Cam. You have no authority over me... I’ll be back when I am,” I hissed as I left the house.

I jumped into my car and got Hudson into the passenger side, wondering how Jimmy got home if he left my car here. Too angered to grab my phone and text him to ask, I turned on the ignition and blasted the radio, speeding down to the beach. I planned I was either to do some house hunting or just walk around town to calm myself down...maybe both.

I parked up at one of the small car parks along the boardwalk and got out of the truck, going round to the passenger side to put Hud on his lead. I began to walk to find the nearest estate agents, wiping the tears from my cheeks; me and Cam very rarely fought. As in, the last time I remember us having an argument was when I was 17 and he wouldn’t let me visit him here in Cali and as we were now 22 and 23, rare really was... rare. It also made us a Hell of a lot more upset than we needed to be; we were so close it seriously hurt us both whenever either of us were upset and when it was each other that caused it, guilt washes us both; despite how angry I was with him, all I wanted to do was apologize and hug him; even then I realized I’d been a bitch; I knew it happened and I never stopped myself; I just felt like shit afterwards... it tended to be how I hurt everyone; I mouthed off and upset them and immediately apologized, making them not believe me and think worse of me and I was sure Cam would think it too; we’d fought in the past but nothing like this; he was new to my violent outbursts which is probably why he was asking so many questions; everyone at home would just accept I’m in a foul mood and leave me be; I guess it was because Cam actually cared about me that he asked; no one else ever did.

Before I knew it I came across an estate agent. I rubbed my face as I peered into the window, looking at the houses and apartments in the area, sighing as I looked at the prices; most too much for me to spend.

I screamed as I felt someone grab my ass, “hey, sexy. Nice outfit!” a husky-voiced male chuckled at me. I span around to find the stranger as he swiftly spun me into a hug, kissing the top of my head. I was pressed against his chest, his one arm wrapped around my waist, my eyes closed in fear; not recognizing who this man was.

He chuckled again, “hey, what’s up with you?” he asked, a smile evident in his voice as it suddenly became familiar. My eyes peeled open as I looked at the arm that he didn’t have holding me, seeing it was holding a thin, brown lead with a small, white, fluffy Maltese on the end; Brian. I instantly grinned; glad I’d run into him; he always had a way to cheer me up. 

“Awh, Happy Birthday, birthday boy!” I told him, my hands rubbing his chest. My head lifted, my eyes meeting his beautiful brown ones, examining his brilliantly defined face that, oddly, dropped as he looked into my own face.

“Lauren? You okay? You look rough..” he watched my face with both concern and a great amount of care, his hands coming up to stroke my cheeks.

“Yeah, I’ve just been a bit ill,” I told him but he didn’t seem satisfied, as though he knew there was more, “... okay, and me and Cam had a row,” I told him, looking to the floor in shame.

“What? What about?” he asked, his hands moving to caress my shoulders.

“Just, me being a bitch..” I was starting to tear up again.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You’re no bitch! What lard-ass said you were a bitch?!” he looked at me intently, a playful kind of anger in his face before it subsided to a smile.

“Just me... and all my friends back home..” I told him, finally looking at him and giving him a small smile.

“Well, they’re no good friends, are they? Jeez, why didn’t you come here sooner? Make some proper friends!... with us!” he said, happily grinning down at me, which made me smile back.

“Well, I don’t know... but you are very charming,” I admitted, blushing slightly.

“Is that so?” he questioned, his head tilting back as his eyebrows raised into the infamous quizzical stare, “are we referring to my comment on you being sexy and that dashing outfit of yours?” he smirked, looking me up and down.

“What, this old shit? Man, it’s ancient. I hadn’t actually planned on coming out in it and you were definitely not meant to see it; it is not, by any stretch of the imagination, sexy!” I told him, looking down at my own misshapen outfit before looking back at him, still smirking, eyebrows raised.

“Are you kidding? I’m fuckin’ loving the old-ass Metallica shirt that’s so big it comes to your thighs and those tatty, grey shorts and the battered old Vans! Not to mention your wet, messy hair! What do you mean I wasn’t meant to see it? I like it,” he winked.

I gasped, feeling my head, completely forgetting I’d washed my hair and not combed or dried it, “you really were not meant to see that!” he chuckled at the shock, “and it’s because I look a mess!... and I don’t want to be a mess for you,” I admitted, blushing even heavier than before.

“Awh, aren’t you the cutest?” he smiled, stroking my jawbone and screwing up his perfect little nose, “well, would you like to join me in a coffee, sweet-thang? I’d much rather spend a few with you than Pinkly!” he chuckled, his fairly strong, American accent coming through.

“Awh, no! Pinkly’s lovely!” I protested, kneeling down to pet her, “and, well, I don’t know, Bri; I’ve kinda got to get back and apologize to Cam.. And! get ready for tonight; I’m not turning up like this, no matter how much it turns you on,” it was my turn to wink at him, blushing yet again.

He pouted, “nooo, I wanted some good company! I love spending time with you, for God’s sake! And yes, what you’re wearing is turning me on...quite a lot and you’re more than welcome to turn up to my house like that whenever you like,” he whispered, pulling me into another hug, lightly kissing my neck, almost making me fall apart.

“No, Bri, as tempting as that offer is, I’ve got to go sort myself out,” I slowly tried to push him away, secretly using it as an excuse to hold his biceps a bit.

He huffed, pulling away from my neck but holding me in his arms, “okay, but I will see you tonight.. and the offer is open! Not just for us to be... you know... naughty, but if you ever need it, my doors open to you, okay? If you’re looking for a place to stay to get out of Jade and Cam’s hair for a bit but can’t find a place, you’re more than welcome to stay with me; I’ve got plenty of room; you can stay in one of the spare rooms, if you’d like,” he smiled, cheekily; there was no denying that over the weeks Brian and I had developed a certain sexual tension and I’d definitely never say no if the time was right; although we hadn’t actually slept together yet, he seemed pretty fucking good to me; he definitely looked the part with his muscular build, tattoos and long, shaggy hair, but overall, he was just sweet. He was completely charming and I couldn’t lie; I was falling for him...and falling hard; he made me happier than anyone ever had before and I was terrified that if he knew the truth...the whole truth... he’d turn and run, and I couldn’t risk losing him. Furthermore, I was definitely going to take him up on staying with him; I needed to get out of Cam and Jade’s and I’d be much more comfortable staying with him than staying on my own.

We said our goodbyes and I turned to leave, a huge grin donning my face knowing he was watching me walk away. I got to my car and turned back to him, sure enough, he was watching. We waved before I got Hud into the car and headed back.

I parked the car and entered the house slowly, fearful of another argument but was immediately met with a strong pair of arms around my neck, a heated face pressed to mine. It was Cam...and he’d been crying, which made me feel all the worse.

“Lau, I love you so fucking much, I’m so so sorry,” he lightly sobbed which caused me to start crying.

“No, no, no, don’t be; it was my fault for being a bitch,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I snuggled my face to the crook of his neck.

“No, no; I shouldn’t have been so angry, it’s just, I’m worried about you, Lau; I love you; I want you to be safe, y’know?” he lifted his face from mine, looking at me with bloodshot eyes, his face red and wet.

“Cam, I just wasn’t feeling too good, okay? I’m feeling better now,” I told him, pulling him back into a hug.

He physically relaxed, sighing in relief, “okay,” he whispered, “you’d tell me if there was something more though, right?” he asked.  
I paused for a moment, thinking, “yeah, sure,” I lied, quickly holding him tighter in an attempt to console myself.

“Okay, well, we best get ready for tonight; Bri’s really excited,” he shot me a cheeky smile; knowing I liked him.

I blushed heavily, “oh, shove off, Cam,” I smiled widely, making him laugh.

I went upstairs, getting myself ready. Slipping on some torn skinny jeans, some converse, a more sensible Skid Row vest, that seemed to fit my body perfectly, before sorting and straightening my hair and putting just enough make-up on to make sure I no longer looked so sick. I wasn’t necessarily trying to look sexy, (although, I did look pretty good; I felt a lot better about myself than before, particularly after seeing Brian) but I did want to impress him; I didn’t ever want to look easy but I wanted him to want me... but only him, if I could help it. I finished off my outfit with one of my brother, Mikey’s, leather jackets and some shades.

I grabbed Bri’s present before making my way downstairs. We all met in the kitchen as Cam informed us that Jimmy would be picking us up with Cat, Zacky and Georgie; Jimmy and Zack’s girlfriends. I froze, suddenly extremely anxious.

The car pulled up out font and I climbed into the back with Cat and Jade; Georgie got in the front next to Jimmy whilst Cam and Zacky jumped onto the back of the truck in the truck bed. My hands began to sweat as I rubbed them, lightly rocking. Jade placed her hand on my shoulder to calm me whilst Cat, Zack’s blonde, kept shooting me dirty looks. I was so close to slapping her before we got to Brian’s but soon enough, we pulled up onto his driveway.

We were quickly met at the door by Matt and Lacey, Matt’s girlfriend; she was a lot prettier than any of the other girlfriends seemed to be but no more than Jade was... I quickly became fairly jealous. I walked through the door last; the rest of the crowd chanting ‘Happy Birthday’ as they greeted Brian, a beaming smile on his face which, in itself, made me smile.

He quickly greeted them all, hugging them and politely pecking the girls on the cheek which, if I’m honest, made me all the more jealous but I knew it was just formality. I stayed relatively close to the door; anxious of going forth until Brian reached me. As his eyes set upon my body I blushed heavily, his smile instantly growing as his eyes bulged, examining my figure. His eyes raked my body before meeting mine, smirking. He stepped closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, kissing my cheek, as if formality, but stayed there a little longer before his lips worked their way to my ear, whispering, “okay, maybe you do look better now you’ve cleaned up...but I still did love the scruffs,” he lightly bit my ear, coming down to kiss my neck before Matt caused us to pull away, calling us for drinks.

We both blushed, smirking at each other before making our way to Brian’s large kitchen where everyone was stood chatting. Everyone handed Bri his presents around some beers, all laughing and having fun. I stayed to the edge of the group, as per usual; I was the newbie and I didn’t want to get in the way. I simply watched from afar; mesmerized by Brian’s smile, well, his entire physique. Smiling as I watched his now straightened hair under the black fedora he wore, the sweet little nose, the brilliant, broad smile to his huge, tattooed biceps.

Eventually, the fuss died down and the group slightly departed; Matt, Jimmy and Johnny sat in the living room with Georgie and Caitlyn, Johnny’s girlfriend, whilst Zack and Cam stood in the garden talking, whilst the rest of the girls; Jade, Cat and Lacey, stood in the kitchen. As I watched from the edge of the living room, I was surprised by a large hand on my waist, twisting round to see Brian.

“Is this for me?” he slyly took his present from me, immediately opening it.

As he tore the wrapping paper and opened the box he let out an almighty laugh, laughing so hard tears seemed to come to his eyes, as did mine.

“It’s your, uh, feminine shoes,” I giggled trying to control myself whereas Brian stood almost peeing himself.

Soon enough, we attracted the attention of the rest of the group, watching on in confusion.

“What the fuck? Pink high-tops!?” Matt questioned, taking the box with the shoes from Brian, examining them.

“Yeah, it’s, uh, from a time me and L went to the beach and I took forever to put my shoes on,” he laughed, wiping tears from his face.

“So what?” Zacky asked, chuckling but fairly cold.

“Well, I ended up telling him how ‘shoe’ is feminine in French which led to an argument about how Bri, here, was ‘real man’...so I got him pink shoes,” I chuckled and everyone laughed along with us, besides Cat and Zack, it seemed, as they all realized the connection.

Beers flowed as I became more involved with the group, even sharing a few laughs with Zack, much to Cat’s dismay. But eventually I noticed Jimmy walk to the kitchen alone; I’d been meaning to talk to him about the cliffs.

“Hey,” I spoke, trying to get his attention, nervously rubbing my hands and rocking lightly.

“Hey,” he answered, looking back at me as he got himself another beer, “want one?” he offered.

“Uh, no thanks,” I answered.

“Okay.”

He turned to leave before I spoke, “um, can we talk?”

“Uh, sure,” he turned back to me, leaning over the island.

“Um...Have you told Brian anything?” I asked, stuttering slightly.

He looked at me, confused, “told him anything about what?”

“About last night,” I told him, trying to keep my voice down so no one could hear us.

“What about last night?” he still seemed confused.

“About...” I paused, closing the door to the kitchen, “the night on the cliffs; you were up there too... we had a.. chat,” I tried to jog his clearly clouded memory.

“What are you on about?” he chuckled lightly but still largely puzzled.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Jimmy,” I hissed, getting angry quickly.

“What the fuck? I don’t know what you’re on about, Lauren? Yo’ crazy!” he told me, turning to the door and walking through it.

“What? How the fuck do you not remember? It was last night, you pissbrain!” I scorned.

He slowly twisted to face me, anger in his own face now, “look, I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about, okay? It was probably you’re wild imagination but don’t try and get me involved,” he hissed, going back to drinking with the rest of the guys before shouting, “TRUTH OR DARE!!” making the crowd of people cheer.

I was completely baffled, what the Hell was going on? What was he playing at? Before I had time to question it, I was being dragged into the circle for the drunken game. I sat quietly pondering over my own thoughts for most of the game, nodding at Lacey or Jade whenever they asked whether I was okay, considering I was being so quiet. When suddenly, I heard my name mentioned.. by Zacky.

“Okay, Synyster,” Zacky slurred, “truth or dare?”

“Fuck it, dare!” Brian challenged, fairly less drunk than Zacky seemed.

“Okay,” he paused, “get off with Lauren,” he said, lowly, as if he were suddenly sober.

Brian lightly protested; there was something telling me he’d be happy to, while everyone else jeered us on...I, on the other hand, wanted to die right there and then; I felt like an awkward teen again, going bright red and hiding away, starting to panic.

“You don’t have to do it here, you can go upstairs...just as long as we can hear you,” Matt requested, saving our asses a little.

Brian sighed heavily in defeat, “okay, fine, I’m game. L?” he asked, shrugging, telling me he didn’t mind, as I looked at him.

I scoured the room before looking back at him, seeing both Jimmy and Zacky with their cold stares, “yeah, alright,” I looked at Zack; I expected the only reason he chose me was because he thought I was frigid or something and wouldn’t do it, but no. I liked Brian a lot more than he realized and I was more than glad to go upstairs with him.

“Okay, then,” Brian smirked as I smirked back, placing his hand on my lower back and guiding me upstairs before turning back and giving Zack his middle finger, making the whole group chuckle.

We climbed the stairs and Bri led us to his master bedroom, which was huge; the huge, super-king bed dominated the room but the phenomenal view of the beach from his floor-to-ceiling window captivated my mind.

“We don’t have to do this, you know; we could just crash if you want; I’m tired as it; I needed an excuse to get out of there,” he told me, wrapping his arms round my waist from behind, kissing my neck.

The feeling of his fingers lightly rubbing the skin underneath the hem of my shirt made me excited; making me happier and happier this was happening; “no, it’s fine,” I told him, turning in his arms to face him, smirking. 

He smiled down at me, rubbing the small of my back, “well, okay then,” he smiled, slowly pressing his thin lips to mine, instantly electrifying my entire body; never mind this being the first time we slept together; it was the first time he’d properly kissed me, and it was fantastic, as I expected.

We smiled in the kiss as our lips started to move in sync with each other, getting more heated...more passionate. Eventually, he pulled me closer to him and rolled his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for access, which I denied; I wanted to tease him; make him wait it out. He grunted, not happy with me not letting him into my mouth, which made me smile, so his hand travelled down to my ass and rubbing, making me moan, before slowly venturing between my legs and lightly pressing my pussy from behind, making me gasp. He immediately pushed his tongue against mine, chuckling as I grunted in defeat.

Our tongues fought as our hands ventured each other’s bodies, Brian slowly pushing me back to his bed. My back arched as my shoulders hit the mattress at the cool sheets giving him the perfect opportunity to wrap his arms around my back, kneeling on the bed with my legs wrapped over his thighs. We lay there for moments heavily making out, moaning into each other’s mouths as I took the fedora from his head to place on my own making us smile into the kiss.

Slowly, his fingers traced under my shirt and up to my ribs, slowly coming down to undo my pants. He undid the button before lifting my hips to remove them completely making me moan. But after he did so his large hands found my thighs and immediately stopped, his fingertips laying in the grooves of the mountainous scars that lined my upper-legs. I had been so deep in bliss I’d completely forgotten about them, I opened my eyes, tears filling them as I looked into his. They were reddening, as if he was going to cry; he looked at me with such sadness as if asking why I did it, despite it not actually being me that put them there.

I stuttered, not being able to gather enough air as I slowly began to cry, “I’m sorry, Brian, I can’t, I...” I told him, pushing him to the side as I stood, slipping on my trousers and heading for the door.

“No, Lauren, wait,” his voice was quiet as he pleaded for me to stay, upset.

“No, I can’t,” I told him, storming down the stairs into the living room where everyone looked my way, making me even more nervous and self-conscious than I already was, “sorry, guys,” I told them, my voice barely above a whisper, as I grabbed my jacket and quietly let myself out.

I got to the end of the drive before I heard the front door click and Brian’s voice calling me. I ducked behind the hedge in front of his house, hoping he didn’t see me; I held my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I slowly leant back to look at the door seeing Brian stood there, still upset, as he rubbed his face and sat on the doorstep hunched over. Before long, Matt came out and asked what happened...I don’t know if he did tell him, and I hope he didn’t but soon enough, Brian went back inside with Matt, allowing me to release my struggling sobs as I sat and cried on the curb.

Eventually, I rallied up the courage to call a cab. It came fairly quickly and took me home. I managed to stop myself from crying until I got back into the house; realizing I still had Brian’s beloved hat placed upon my head. Tears instantly fell as I screamed, throwing the hat across the room. Why had I been such an idiot? I’d screwed it up! I’d screwed it all up! With Brian, of all guys! The sweetest, most charming, most good looking man that’s ever taken an interest in me, and treated me well, has been officially pushed away by the scars left from another mans, so called, ‘love’.

I raced upstairs, screaming, hitting and slamming my head, legs and arms, blaming myself for letting it happen. I don’t think I’d been so distraught since I was 18. I continued to scream, crying myself to sleep; the image of his sad face looking at me with all the questions and worry and upset coating his eyes, silently blaming me for the distinct marks on my thighs. Just as my eyes closed to sleep, the demon of my nightmares appeared again but only for a second; I could have sworn I saw the grey-haired, red-eyed monster with grinning, white teeth appear for a split second at the window right in the corner, as if he were outside looking in, but only for a split second. My breath caught, terrified, as I felt a presence behind me. Too scared to look, I simply close my eyes and fell to sleep, completely silently; scared to breathe.


	14. Chapter 14

He lent over me, his piercing green eyes raking my bound, naked body. His fingertips danced along my being, pausing at my breasts, a chilling pain racing over my skin. I tried to squirm away, making him chuckle lowly, only to find I was tied to the bed by my hands and feet. My eyes slowly peeled open to him, his own naked body revealed. His green, lust glazed, slightly murderous gaze never left my unwilling face. His tattoo-lined arms held him firm between my neck and arms, his tattooed chest inches from my large, exposed one. His black fringe lightly drifted over my forehead leaving a bloody, painful graze; leaving many short, dark, red lines of torture. His face edged forward, making the wound sting, as I winced away.

He chuckled, “don’t be scared, baby; I won’t hurt you... too much,” an evil smirk twisted into his pale face.

I closed my eyes again, his hot breath flooding my already heated face. Suddenly, his lips met my neck and I squealed in pain. My back arched from the bed as his mouth left burns in my skin, slowly bleeding.

“Shut, UP!” he hissed, his hand moving to twist in my hair and slam my face back down to the pillow. He moved his lips, finding another place to molest my neck, leaving a second burning scar closer to my jaw-but this time adding his teeth, increasing the pain as blood spilt into his fearsome mouth.

I wanted to scream again but choked at the thought of what else he would do. I began to sob as the agony ricocheted through my body.  
He slapped my thigh, leaving an immediate scar of his handprint as the skin broke and bled, “you keep that up I’ll make this all the worse,” he groaned in my ear, his mouth moving to meet mine. He tugged on my lip, almost taking it completely from my face as his teeth tore through the flesh.

He began to suck and kiss upon my open, frozen mouth. His lips burnt sores into the skin making it impossible to move without the wounds bleeding further and causing even more pain than before, making me cry into his mouth. He continued to chuckle at my whimpering body as his fingers gradually grazed my inner thighs, travelling towards my heat.

Suddenly, a droplet of sweat dripped from above me. I turned up to look at him, he was sweating and the purple hair-dye at the sides of his head began to stain a dark orchid stream down his face, dripping onto my chest. It would have turned me on but this was not enjoyable; I was scared; I had no idea where I was, when I got here and why I was with... him.

His fingertips found my lower lips and I roared in pain. His digits cut like knives as they sliced through the delicate skin. Blood stained the sheets as I poured onto his hands and onto the white cotton beneath us.

He smirked as I cried underneath his powerful body.

“You know, I was gonna hurt you further for screaming but it’s actually kinda enjoyable...maybe I should hurt you some more, hmm?”

His deep, course voice scratched in my ear as I squirmed, pleading ‘no’ as he continued his assault below, his fingers poking into me and ripping my walls. His mouth found my neck again and began to lick at my scabbing burns, re-opening the wounds. My desperate cries subsided to sobs as the pain took over my body.

Just as my eyes were drifting closed into unconsciousness, he grabbed my hair and tore out a chunk, keeping my head from falling to the pillow, looking at him. I gasped, my eyelids opening wide, staring straight into his devilish eyes. Confusion struck as those piercing green eyes began to shine a bright red.

“Oh, no you don’t,” his voice was no longer of the man I thought this once was, but a creature... a demon.

His knee spread my legs as I began to quiver and tear in terror. Without warning, he slammed into my already broken taint. The pain seemed to destroy my entire being; exploding, almost. The scream I emitted rang in the air despite my lungs failing. As he entered, all vision went black; the room had gone, he had gone, but the pain continued. All that was visible was a face. Bright red eyes, an evil, bright white, demon grin, hovering above me.


	15. Chapter 15

My eyes flashed open as I woke up in fear, breathless. I gasped for air as the nightmare faded and I relaxed again in my new apartment. (I’d moved out of Cam and Jade’s pretty hastily after the night at Brian’s; I was sure they’d ask questions and I was in no way prepared to answer. I’d found a fantastic 2-birth on the beach; not too far from work and close enough to Cam that he wouldn’t stress and come round to check on me constantly.) I rubbed my eyes and slowly twisted in my clean sheets, groaning at my aching body. I checked the time – 8:30 AM – time for work. I hauled my body up, hissing at the pain, gasping at the sudden, stabbing pain I felt between my legs, as if I’d been torn from the inside or had participated in some wild sex night, which I definitely had not. I thought of my nightmare, wondering whether my body was having some strange reaction to what my mind imagined, I checked my body for scars that surely would’ve been left behind; my lips, my thighs, my forehead; nothing was physically damaged; my body just ached but it wasn’t as if I’d slept funny; my entire body seemed to be struck with a numb pain, well, everywhere but.. downstairs; that felt as if I’d been stabbed repeatedly with a machete which, considering the contents of last night within my nightmare was extremely plausible.

Figuring I needed to shower for work, I very slowly made my way up out of bed; very mindful of the pain my body was in. I hissed and groaned as I stood, turning round to make my bed, only to find a large blood stain on the sheets. Confused, I checked myself, finding the reason that my privates hurt so much. Except I was more confused than before; I wasn’t on my time of the month yet I’d been bleeding.

I collected my things needed for a shower and entered the ensuite, grabbing a lady towel for caution. I slowly stripped in light of my aching limbs, not feeling il or upset due to the fact I'd yet to put any mirrors up...and I didn't really plan too either. I gently washed and shaved before climbing out of the shower and drying, sorting my hair and abnormally pail face as I did so.

I finished up and quickly dressed; a grey, knee-length pair of shorts and a black vest along with an old pair of battered converse. I grabbed my keys and purse as I dropped my pjs in my room and headed for a quick breakfast.

Walking out of the room into my spacious living area, I crossed the living room and into the kitchen area. Before I knew it, a bounding, playful, neglected Hudson came to my feet, eager for my undivided attention; over the past months I’d barely spent any kind of time with him and I felt truly awful about it.

“Not right now, Buddy.. I’m sorry,” I told him truthfully, petting his head and filling his food bowl next to the kitchen against the wall, next to the floor-to-ceiling windows that stretched across the length of the room, round the spare room and into mine; having a corner apartment definitely had its perks. Hudson slowly rubbed against my leg, as if accepting my apology, as he began eating the biscuit/meat mixture, sorrow filling his face, breaking my heart. I petted him one last time before heading into the kitchen for my own breakfast, making myself a bowl of Froot Loops and sitting on the counter.

As I finished my bowl my phone began to vibrate next to me; Jade was calling.

I quickly dropped my cereal and picked it up, “hey, Jade, just the person I need,” I answered.

“Is that so? Good because I need a favour.. you first,” she replied.

“Ah, okay, well, I need a good doctor; I’m feeling a bit...under the weather and thought it best I see someone and as I don’t know any I guessed you would,” I told her nervously.

“Oh, no! Lau, what’s up? Of course I can give you a name of a good doctor! Female, right? I remember you saying how much you didn’t like seeing male doctors. Doctor Postet, my doctor’s name is. I can call her if you like? She’s lovely, her and I are really good friends; I’m sure you’ll love her! I was going to ask you to watch Maxi tonight; me and Cam wanted to go out but no worries! If you’re ill it’s no bother; Maxi can stay home alone and we’ll come home early! Lauren? Lauren?! You there?” she spoke so quickly I barely had time to register what she’d said.

“Yes, yes, I’m here, just a bit cuffifled, is all,” I chuckled, “thank you for that though and, you know, I don’t mind watching her; I’d rather you and Cam have a nice time; she’ll just have to endure the company of just Hudson for a while,” I explained, not wanting to admit that physically, I felt fine.

“No no no no no no no, you see Doctor Postet and get well! Me and Cam will be fine! Now, I imagine we’re both running late for work, I’ll talk to you later,” she spoke understandingly.

“Alright, thank you, Jade,” I told her, saying our goodbyes and hanging up.

After my phone call with Jade I quickly made an emergency appointment with Doctor Postet whilst finding out exactly where the surgery was.

By the time I’d done I got to work about 10 minutes late.

“And what time do you call this?” Mike hollered from the floor as I tried to sneak in through the back.

“Sorry, M, I didn’t feel too good this morning and had to make a doctor’s appointment for after work,” I explained, hurriedly grabbing my overalls and going into the tiny side room to take my shorts off and put the overalls on.

I came out face-to-face with a huge, folded pair of heavily tattooed arms which immediately relaxed when he saw me, “oh, God, yeah, you don’t look so good.. you sure you want to be in? You’re awfully pale,” he asked in worry.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m only in a couple of hours anyway,” I assured him, managing a small smile.

“Alright, kiddo,” Mike told me, wrapping his strong arm around my small shoulders and shaking me lightly, bringing my feet off of the ground, accompanying me into the large garage front.

Mike’s arm dropped as we reached the floor. In the centre was a small group of men, huddled around a Harley Davidson, who I soon recognized to be a knew apprentice working on the bike whilst Harry joked with possibly our most attractive customer yet. His warm, beaming, vaguely familiar smile radiating throughout the room. He wore a black beanie with white skulls over his short, black hair, a large pair of sunglasses, a plain, white t-shirt, a big, black jumper rolled up to just below is elbows – revealing some pretty impressive tattoos – covering his brilliantly built shoulders and arms, dark wash jeans and a pair of Nikes. I gazed for a little too long until Mike noticed and got me back to work with a blush, embarrassed it had to be my boss who caught me eye-ing up the customers.

Getting on with my work, sat on one of the other motorbikes, my mind wavered to and from this mysterious man, my mind slipping to the dirty kind every now and again until it was torn away by a soft but calloused hand gracing my bare shoulder, attracting my attention.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while,” his voice was husky and warm and all too familiar. The blood ran from my face as the apparent strangers voice rang in my ears. He was the last person I really wanted to see, if I’d recognised him at all with this new style.

Trying not to sound too fazed by his presence, I answered, “sorry, didn’t recognise you with this new style of yours,” I gave him a small smile as he removed his glasses, tucking them on his shirt, to reveal his friendly, warm, brown eyes; also scratching off the beanie to reveal his now short, spiky, black hair.

“Yeah, I figured I was just getting a bit old for the long stuff...that and straightening it every day was a piss-take,” he smiled widely, comforting me, despite our situation.

“Oowh, I liked it long...not as much when you straightened it...but...yeah...” I blushed, busying myself with work.

He chuckled, biting his lip. He shifted, tucking his hands into his pockets as he swapped from foot to foot, “so, um, are you busy this afternoon?” he asked, clearly nervous.

He heart suddenly stopped, extremely uncomfortable and upset, “Bri, I... I can’t... not after the last time,” I looked up at him sadly.

He looked disappointed, “why not? What happened doesn’t faze me, Lau... I care about you,” he then must have noticed my sickly face as he bent down slightly looking at me, “hey, you okay? You don’t look too good,” he asked, concerned, his hand coming up to touch my face.

I slapped him away, “yes, Brian, I’m fine.” I spat, causing him to retract and look at me confused.

“What’s going on, Lau?” he asked, upset.

“Nothing, Bri, I’m just ill, okay?” I raised my voice, attracting the attention of Mike and Harry.

“Well then, let me drive you to the doctors,” he offered, trying his best to keep his cool and help.

“No!”

“Alright, Bri, think it’s time to go,” Mike told Brian, lightly nudging his shoulders to get him to step back.

“Euugh,, fine,” Brian sighed, defeated, walking back to the bike then out of the garage.

“You okay?” Mike turned and asked both him and Harry watching me in worry, Mike’s hand finding my shoulder.

“Yeah.. yeah..” I told him, wiping the few stray tears away from my cheek and shakily carried on on the motorbike engine.

“Lauren –“ Mike grabbed my hands to stop me but I shook him away.

“No, I’m fine,” I tried to get him away but gave in, letting him hold my hands and bring me off the bike.

“Look, now, I want to you to go home, clean yourself up a bit, go to the doctors and take the rest of the day off, okay?“ he told me.

I sighed in defeat, “okay.”

He paused for a moment before continuing, “- I also want you to apologise to Brian,” my head bolted up from the floor, confused, “he’s really fuckin’ worried about you, Lau, for weeks now he’s been coming in and asking for you,” Mike informed me, looking into my face in honesty. I suddenly felt terrible for getting angry at him and upsetting him.

“Okay,” I smiled at Mike, hugging his wide stomach, and getting one in return, before changing out of my overalls and heading round the back, only to find Brian sat on the bonnet of my truck, fiddling with his glasses in his hands as he looked down at the pavement and his legs swung.

I sighed heavily, making my way over to go and stand next to him. We didn’t speak for a while until his head lifted and he looked at me, his eyes red.

“What’s going on, Lau?” he asked me, his voice barely above a whisper, clearly upset.

“Honestly? I have no clue...” I told him, my own eyes averting his and finding the tarmac beneath me, “I just... I can’t face it right now, okay?” I asked him, my eyes meeting his again.

“Of course, I mean, I never meant to pressure you into telling me I just... I’ve been so worried I haven’t slept and – “

“Bri, it’s fine... just... accompany me to the doctor?” I cut him off, making him look up to me and smile in surprise, not expecting me to let him.

I returned the smile as he quickly burst into energy, happier now I wasn’t shouting at him... He leapt from the bonnet and stood as close as he could get, toe-to-toe with me.

“Do you want me to drive or are you okay or?” he asked quickly, his eyes drying and looking down at me.

“Y’know what? That’d be great,” I smiled at him, handing him my keys. He walked me to the passenger side and opened the door, helping me climb in before handing me the seatbelt and slamming the door closed.

He climbed into his side, failing several times due to the height, making me chuckle, before finally sitting in the driver seat and pushing the keys into the ignition, “alright, okay, you’re going to have to help me with this; I’m not used to all this manual, right-hand-drive shit,” he told me, looking at me smiling, making me laugh.

“It’s not all that difficult now come on, I’m going to be late,” I chuckled.

Brian started the engine, the truck jolting back and forth as he tried to adjust to the driving, making us both laugh hysterically, before getting used to the gears and heading out of the employee parking lot.

We talked comfortably the entire ride there, only becoming silent when parking at the doctor’s surgery.

“Come on then,” he quickly smiled, patting my arm and jumping out of the truck after a substantial silence.

I too climbed out and leapt to the floor, walking to the entrance shaking nervously and rubbing my sweaty palms. Bri seemed to notice as he walked behind me, his hand finding the small of my back as he led me through the doors.

“Hello, can I help you?” the chirpy receptionist asked.

“Yes, um, I’ve got an emergency appointment with Doctor Porter,” I informed her, eyes trying to look anywhere but her; reducing my anxiousness.

“Doctor Porter? Sorry, we don’t have a Doctor Porter here, ma’am...” she informed me, trying to look into my nervous face.

I screwed my eyes up, freezing, silently cursing myself as I realised my mistake, “sorry.. Doctor Postet..sorry,” I explained.

“No need to apologise, love, go on through and take a seat and I’ll tell her you’re here,” she smiled at me.

“Okay, thank you,” I said, quickly flashing her a small, nervous smile before darting through into the waiting room. It was fairly large and very well decorated, making me wonder how bloody expensive it was going to be; it looked private and Cam and Jade may be able to afford it but there was no way I could.

“Hey –“ Brian began before he was cut off by a pretty, young, blonde woman calling me.

“Sorry, I.. I’ll be back in a sec,” I stood and apologised to him.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked in concern.

It stumped me completely and I didn’t really think about my answer, only that I wanted him with me, forgetting completely why I had booked an appointment, “yeah, sure.”

“Okay,” he stood up and walked with me to Doctor Postet and into her room.

“So, you’re a friend of Jade Weller?” the doctors smooth, Californian accent soothed.

“Oh, uh, yeah, she’s seeing my brother... how did you know?” I asked her.

“Aaaaah, yes, it makes sense now; I thought I recognised you; you’re Cameron’s baby sister!” she smiled, looking back at me as we walked down the corridor and into her room, “and Jade called me this morning just before I got into work telling me you were coming to see me,” she smiled sitting down at her desk as I nodded. “So, why have you come to see me? I get the impression it’s a little more than just feeling ‘under the weather’ like Jade mentioned,” she smiled.

That’s when I realised why I’d come and that I’d brought Brian in and it must have been evident in my face as he then spoke up, “oh, um, if it’s..like...lady stuff, then.. I’ll just... I’ll be outside.. sorry, I’ll just.. yeah,” Brian mumbled as he motioned towards the door and left making me chuckle anxiously.

“So, what is it?” Doctor Postet asked, her warm smile relaxing me slightly.

“Well, it’s just.. this morning.. I was... bleeding,” I told her, still rubbing my sweaty hands as my legs shook radically.

“Ah, okay, downstairs, I guess? And you’re not on your period or anything?” she asked.

“No, that’s why I came in...” I explained.

“Okay, well, if you don’t mind, I’ll have a look and we’ll see if it might be damaged,” she smiled.

Now I was completely out of my comfort zone. It had been a ridiculously long time since anyone had really gone down there, never mind a new doctor I’d just met. I slowly removed my shorts and panties and climbed up onto the examination bed, lifting my knees so that my feet were flat and gradually spread my legs.

“Okay, here we go,” she smiled again as she put on a pair of latex gloves, the smile slightly wavering as she saw the numerous scars that littered my thighs, her hand coming to rest on my knee to stroke it to calm me before going to work.

Her cold fingers gently pulled me apart and I flinched and tensed, my hands gripping the bench like a vice and my teeth biting the inside of my bottom lip until it bled.

“Does that hurt?” she asked, looking up to my scrunched up, seemingly pain-ridden face.

“No, I’m fine,” I assured her; I wasn’t in pain I just wasn’t comfortable.

“You sure?.. you’re face says otherwise,” she asked honestly.

“No, it’s just...I’m not used to it... It’s been a long time... sorry,” I trembled.

“Don’t apologise, I’m just about done anyway; you can get up and put your pants back on,” she smiled, binning the gloves.

As I dressed she began explaining, “okay, well, there’s no evident damage down there and as you say it’s been a while, I take it it’s not any kind of sexual activity?” she looked at me.

“No, no... as I say, it’s been a while,” I faced the ground, not wanting to look at her.

“Okay.. can I ask a more personal question?” she queried.

“Yeah..”

“Is there a particular reason why?” she seemed honestly concerned and as my eyes began to well and my body tensed again, she knew there was something more.

“It’s just... I’ve had some... bad experiences..” I told her, completely ashamed.

“It’s okay Lauren, I’m not here to judge you...but I’m not going to force you to tell me either, okay?” she assured me, lightly stroking my arm in comfort.

I exhaled heavily, “... okay... but you can’t tell Jade. No one knows and I can’t let anyone else know it’d break them and I can’t do that to them I just –“ I rushed trying to explain.

“Lauren, it’s patient confidentiality.. I can’t tell anyone,” she assured me, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to...but I feel like there is something significant I need to know if I’m going to treat you,” she explained to me.

I sighed in relief, knowing no one could find out if I spoke about it for the first time in 7 years, “you’ve got to know though... it was a long time ago and... no one’s been told since..” I paused for another long time, tears swelling my eyes in fear of finally saying the words that taunted me for so long. I looked anywhere but her face, not wanting to look another woman in the face after feeling so dirty and hopeless after what happened. I sat sobbing quietly until Doctor Postet spoke again,

“Lauren, it’s oka-“

“I was raped.”


	16. Chapter 16

She was shocked. I knew it. The expression on her face said it all; her jaw hung open, wavering as she tried to determine the right words to say but her mind drew a blank on them all, clearly upset by the matter.

“Lauren, I –“ she began, making me cringe at the thought of her bullshit of an apology.

“Don’t. I’ve had enough of that shit,” I told her, not being able to look at her without tearing.

“Oh..” she deflated, hurt. She then moved her hand from her lap to rest on my knee, making me look up at her. “Lauren, I am sorry... if it was as long ago as you say, you can’t have been old and no one should have to go through something like that. Ever,” she paused for a while, watching my tearful face, “is there anything else you think you should tell me?”

“Only that I was on some antidepressants and the pill before I came here and haven’t been on them in months and I probably should’ve seen someone sooner,” I told her, fed up and upset. I suddenly felt bad I’d brought Brian out; I definitely had no intentions in being with him all afternoon now; not without breaking down.

She sighed, “okay, what were the names of the anti-depressants and pill?” she asked, turning to her computer to enter the information.

“I can’t remember the anti-depressants but the pill was dianette,” I told her, avoiding eye contact.

“Okay, well, I’ll prescribe you some... how’s your sleeping and period’s been if you haven’t been on your medication?” she asked.

I thought back to the numerous horrific nightmares I’d had over the last weeks...months even, and how my periods had been a heck of a lot heavier, painful and irregular recently, “they’ve been pretty shitty, to be fair... sorry,” I apologised for my unnecessary use of vulgar language.

“It’s alright; what’s gone on?” she asked, watching her computer, adding any information I gave her.

“Well, I’ve not really slept for the last months and if I have rested I’ve had really...really bad nightmares,” she was looking at me, interested as I watched her worriedly, “and periods? They’re a lot heavier than normal,” I told her, averting my eyes again.

“Okay, well, that may have caused the bleeding today; not being on the pill can cause your body to bleed if you’ve come off of it suddenly,” she informed me, smiling lightly, giving me her diagnosis.

“Okay, well, thank you,” I stood to leave when she called me back.

“Wait, hang on, let me give you this prescription and you can pick up the medication from the pharmacy here,” she smiled, “it was very good to meet you, Lauren, give Jade and Cam my best,” she stood to lead me out, opening the door to me.

“You really won’t tell them?” I whispered, conscious that Brian may still be near and hear me.

“I told you, doctor/patient confidentiality; anything you say I cannot tell anyone, unless you want me to,” she smiled.  
I sighed, “okay, thank you...?” I thanked, querying her name.

“Sarah. As I said, send Jade my love,” we said our goodbyes and I started my way down the corridor, finding Brain sat in one of the chairs, staring at the floor in deep thought.

I walked to him, standing just beside him before he lifted his stern face that melted to a sympathetic smile when he saw me, “hey.”

“Heya, ready to go?” I asked him, walking through the door back to the waiting room.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, checking around him for anything he may have dropped before smiling and resting his hand on my back, making me flinch away, “what’s up?” he asked, concern coating his voice.

“Nothing; I’m fine,” I snapped, my voice barely whispering.

He didn’t press, simply watched me in confusion as we walked to the in-surgery pharmacy to collect the medication.

The time to collect the prescription and to the truck was eerily quiet and uncomfortable. We sat in the parking lot for what seemed like forever in the silence as my legs shook and my palms sweat further with the nerves Brian now caused with his reticence.

“You okay?” I finally whispered my throat dry.

His head shot quickly at the sound but his face remained soft, “yeah, yeah, I’m more worried about you...” he admitted, his features dropping in upset and worry, smiling weakly.

I sighed heavily, “I’m fine it’s just... it’s been a while,” I told him, not meeting his eyes.

He seemed even more confused, “what do you mean it’s been a while?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

“It doesn’t matter. I just... drive, for fuck sake,” I snapped, quickly becoming upset.

“Okay..” he sighed.

The ride home was silent again, only the quiet hums of the crap on the radio and the engine to be heard. We’d been making our way along the beachfront towards home when Brian turned right into one of the parking spots along the boardwalk, next to one of the many sundae stands.

“Bri.. what are you doing?” I croaked, still tired from the restless sleep before and slowly nodding off on the drive from the doctors.

“We are getting ice-cream,” he stated, smiling, removing my keys from the engine and leaping out of the seat, moving around the bonnet to open my door.

I sighed, rubbing my face with my sticky, warm hands, wanting to do nothing else but sleep, before I smiled at him opening my door and leaping out.

Yet again we were quiet whilst Brian ordered both our sundaes and finding a cool metal seat and table to sit.

“So, how you been?” he asked, taking a large spoon of his banoffee sundae.

My face lifted significantly, expecting him to ask about my snappy attitude and my doctor’s appointment... as well as his birthday, “um.. well.. I don’t really know... it’s been up and down, I guess.”

“Why so shocked?” he smiled brightly, immediately sparking a smile upon my own face.

“I don’t know, it’s just been kinda rough with us lately and... I don’t know.. you must have a lot of questions,” I told him, still smiling, as I took a spoon of my own berry sundae.

“Yeah, I do, but, I don’t know, I guess with the way you’ve been acting I guessed you probably don’t want to talk about it right now,” he seemed completely unfazed by the subject as he continued to devour the ice-cream in front of him, whereas I had significantly gone off the food, still managing to eat out of politeness.

I simply smiled my ‘thank you’, earning a smile in return as we quietly finished our sundaes, this silence a lot more comfortable than before.

“Okay,” Brian finished his sundae, his spoon tapping against the sides of the tall glass, “now what?” He leant back in his seat, his hands resting behind his head as he watched me finish my own sundae and do the same.

“Now what... what?” I asked.

“What do you want to do?”

“Sleep..”

“Not an option. You can sleep later.”

I grunted, only wanting to go home, even if it was to be with him and cuddle... then I remembered Hudson, my head falling to the table.

“What’s up?” Brian leaned forward, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I lifted my head to find his concerned face, I smiled at him lightly, “I need to walk Hud, if you’re interested?”

His signature smirk formed as he replied, “well, good job Pinkly needs a run too, ay?” he winked, causing a cascade of butterflies to boil within me. Another sensation rose up my throat, a feeling much more ferocious than butterflies; tingling as it got to my mouth and  
erupted into the largest belch to groan from my stomach.

Heat flamed my cheeks as I blushed, covering my face with my hands as I groaned in embarrassment whilst Brian sat laughing hysterically beside me, making me blush further.

“Aaaawh, I love you...come on,” he gestured, still smiling widely and holding his arm out to remove me from my seat.

I froze, “what?”

“What what?” he asked.

“What did you say?”

He thought for a while, “what? I love you?”

I gulped, “yeah...”

“What about it?”

“What the fuck do you mean?” I was getting angry again.

“Jeeez, Lauren, chill! Just because I love you doesn’t mean I necessarily want you... I mean, I do.. but that’s beside the point; you’re an ace person and I do love you; you’re phenomenal but, obviously, if you don’t want that right now then that’s fine; I can love you as a friend too y’know,” he sighed, smiling to comfort me.

I exhaled deeply, standing and wrapping my arms around his neck for him to wrap his own around my waist, “I am sorry, you know? And I will answer all your questions... I just don’t know if I can right now,” I admitted, tearing into his shoulder.

“It’s fine,” he chuckled, “I get it... take all the time you need,” his hands rubbed my back, “now, come on, those dogs need walking,” he pulled me away, his large hands resting on the tops of my arms where he lightly rubbed, calming me.

We headed back towards the truck, getting in and first driving to my apartment to pick up Hudson. The drive was no longer deadly quiet but full of our obnoxiously loud voices singing along to whatever CDs were in my truck at the time, laughing along to our favourite tracks, playfully taking the piss out of each other for our more corny favourites, laughing at each other. This continued as we collected both Hudson and Pinkly. At Brian’s we picked up a crate of beers and headed back towards the beach. We reached the shore just as the sky turned to the various precious colours of pink, purple and orange. I adored the sun low on the water but still high enough to allow a few more hours of light.

We climbed from the truck, letting the pups from the boot, grabbing the beers and walking across the smooth wood of the boardwalk to the soft, warm sand of Huntington Beach. We leant against the wall, removing our shoes and carrying them. Bri found a long piece of driftwood and threw it for the dogs, taking his shoes in his right hand and holding the beers between his ribs and his arm, the fingertips of his left hand entwining with mine. He leant in kissing my cheek, making us both giggle, as we made our way in the dying light along the beach, watching Hudson and Pinkly play.

Eventually we found a place in the sand, not too far from the water. The sun was looming perfectly on the horizon as we sat, drinking, laughing, watching and playing with the dogs.

The hours passed and there as the sun fell low in the sky, we went quiet. It was a comfortable silence though, watching the sunset.  
“Another?” Brian asked, offering me another bottle.

“Thank you,” I smiled, leaning into his chest as the sun made its final dip below the waves.

He slowly kissed my head, nervous of my reaction, pausing. I cuddled into him, allowing him further. I wasn’t sure why though; he could do so much better than me yet here he was, but I was so comfortable around him and despite the fact that the very idea of a relationship scared me, I wanted no one else to enjoy this moment with. After everything that had happened, he was till the only person I wanted to be around, the only one I genuinely missed during our time apart because the truth is, I wanted him just as much as I now knew he wanted me.. more even. But the thought of a relationship still struck me to the core; the fear of being hurt again rattled me more than anything. I stayed away from everyone to avoid the upset and for years it worked... until him.

His unending understanding overwhelmed me; I’d never been treated so well by any man, never mind the cold-hearted, distant creep I first met. And something about that made me want him more. Something about him being such an asshole before to being such a gentleman now made me intrigued as to why. Why me? I was nothing special, not to mention a dick to him, why was he being so understanding and forgiving? What did he want me for? The fear of him wanting me for what every other guy before him did terrified me; it hurt, to feel like nothing but meat.. but Bri didn’t seem like most guys; he actually seemed to... care? But there was hurt in his concern, in his past, in my past, in my present.. but he forgave that. I figured I needed, if not a partner, then a friend at least... and I had that in him. I had either; whichever made me happiest, and that comforted me.

Nevertheless, as he gently kissed my jaw and neck, returning to kiss my cheek as the hand he had draped over my shoulders came to hold mine, my body stiffened; not sure as to whether this was what I really wanted for us. As if he sensed that, he stopped kissing me and I could feel his eyes on me as he acknowledged my discomfort.

“C’mon, come with me,” he got to his feet, taking me with him.

“Why? Where are we going?” I asked.

“It’s a surprise,” he smiled, making me look at him confused but a smile playing onto my lips. He helped me up before collecting our empty bottles and whistling for the dogs.

We began to tread in the now cool sand as darkness crept, the moon illuminating the scene in an eerie, but romantic, silver glow. The walk was fairly silent before I heard the faint sound of loud music and bright lights from the distance.

“What the fuck?” I queried, earning nothing but a smirk from Brian, as if he knew exactly what it was.

As we got closer, I noticed it was some kind of fair, with mild rides and games as well as various food and candy stalls. I looked up to find a large, white banner hanging from, what looked like, two giant fishing rods rooted in the sand with the words ‘Huntington Beach Annual Carnival 2007’ written in large, red letters.

“Did you know about this?” I beamed, I loved a carnival and somehow Brian arranging to take me was making me fall for him even further.

“Hey! Matt!” he avoided my question, which, added to the smile, confirmed to me that he definitely knew, making an eruption of butterflies delicately graze the insides of my stomach. The two outstretched their arms, enveloping each other into a large bear hug.

“Oi, did you plan this? Did he know?” I playfully scowled, pulling Matt from Bri by his large arm and pointed to Brian.

“Oh, hey, Matt! How’ve you been?” he sarcastically mimicked me, smiling a wild dimpled smile. His body relaxed as he answered truthfully, “of course he did, L! It’s California’s biggest, bestest, carinvaaal!” he stretched his arms again, going back to wrap themselves around his, pretty, blonde girlfriend Lacey, whom I last met at Bri’s party. “C’mon! The other guys are all watching Johnny try and knock all the coconuts off the stalls,” he chuckled, turning on his heels with Lace wrapping around his middle as Bri did the same to me, making me blush as we followed Matt to where the guys should be.

Soon enough, we found a fairly drunk Johnny desperately trying to throw plastic balls at coconuts on poles in the sand inside a colourful, red and gold-striped tent. Caitlyn held herself up against him as they both laughed uncontrollably, Jimmy and Georgie standing aside laughing as they watched the couple fall to the floor in fits of giggles.

“LaurEN!” Jimmy screamed as he ran towards me once he saw the four of us.

“Jimbo!” I smiled, clinging onto his tall, warm body as his long arms wrapped around my neck and shoulders.

“Where have you been these last few weeks, goddammit? I’ve missed your crazy ways...” he held me tighter.

“In hiding,” I cautiously told him.

“Well, stop hiding from me,” he gripped my shoulders hard at arm’s length, his nails sharply pinching the skin, his eyes staring, suddenly cold and stern. I couldn’t figure out if he was doing it out of love and that this was just Jimmy’s way or whether it was something much deeper... much harsher than that.

“Well, she’s not going anywhere anymore,” Brian forcefully nudged Jimmy’s hands from me as he subtly wrapped his arm around my shoulders, throwing Jimmy a spiteful smile, as if his smile was a cover up to the rest of the group but it was really a warning... but I wasn’t sure what for.

“Yeah? How’ve you done that then, Gates? You’ve never really been able to hold down a proper nice girl for longer than your bank account will allow,” Johnny slurred in his drunken naivety as tensions quickly elevated within the group and Brian relaxed in sudden upset. With the tension, Jimmy slapped Johnny in the back of the head, forgetting Brian and his earlier stand off to stand up for his friend, as if their tiff hadn’t happened at all.

“Well,” Brian awkwardly began, “this girl isn’t like other girls,” I gulped, suddenly feeling ill at the words, my legs shaking and my palms sweating as I got increasingly uncomfortable. As if he knew, Bri removed his arm from my shoulders to rest at his side, his hand falling lightly on my hip, “and guys, we’re not even together –“

“-yet,” Matt interrupted, making us all chuckle lightly.

“Well, that’s not necessarily the goal, but if that’s the outcome then I’ll be a very lucky, happy guy,” his hand travelled to the middle of my back. I looked up to him to find him already smiling at me. “Now, I’m going to steal her away from your lack of belief in us before she runs away and leaves us all again!” He spoke, his hands climbing to my shoulders and playfully spinning me around and leading me in the opposite direction, everyone chuckling before we said our quick goodbyes as we walked away.

“So, what do you wanna do first?” he whispered, gently sliding his fingers to entwine with my own and hold my hand.

“Don’t mind,” I blushed, watching him as his eyes darted around all of the games and food with a beaming smile plastering his sweet face.

“Oh, come on, pick something!” he looked at me, still smiling widely.

“You pick, I don’t mind,” I giggled, watching his frustration rise slightly as I refused to pick somewhere to go.

“Eurgh, Lauren, God’s sake, you can’t just pick, can you?” he teased, swinging our arms as he continued to look round the tents for something enjoyable.

“What can I say? I’m extremely indecisive,” we both giggled. I gave in, “okay, okay, okay, why don’t we eat something first then decide where we both want to go?” I suggested.

He stopped in his tracks, our arms stopping from swinging as he looked at me and pouted playfully, “but –“

My concern rose slightly, worried that I’d upset or offended him, despite not knowing what for. Yet beneath knowing he must be playing by his over-exaggerated upset, “ – but what?” I asked, watching him.

“But I thought we could go back to mine after this and, I don’t know, I could cook us something or – “ his faked pout quickly slid into a devious smirk as he suggested he took me home with him.

I smirked back at him, slightly patronising him, “awwwe, Bri,” I began to stroke his arm, “that’s so sweet,” I faked a tear as he pulled himself away.

“No, you’re right, it was a bad idea,” he turned away, letting go of my hand and beginning to walk off.

I grabbed his arm and spun him back, “no no no, Bri, I’d love to.”

His surprise came immediately after; his face suddenly changed from gloomy and upset to shocked and excited, “you serious?”

“Yeah, why not?” I held his hand again, leading him towards a cotton candy stall close by.

“Nice... thank you.” I looked back at him; he seemed fairly emotional that I’d said yes and he gripped my hand tighter and a sad but relieved and happy smile spread over his face.

“No problem; I’d love too... now, come on! I want candy floss!” I squealed, running towards the stall with large bags of pink, blue and white fluff while lots of children and their parents lined up as others walked away with their glorious sweet piled high upon thin, wooden sticks.

We joined the queue and stood in line, soon getting to the front. Brian bought me my pink cotton candy and bought us both root beers, getting nothing to eat for himself. He also managed to buy some beef jerky to treat Pinkly and Hud while we stood a while for the dogs to drink; the stall had set out a couple of water bowls for his customers’ dogs.

“How come you didn’t get anything then?” I asked him, tearing a chunk of the candy floss away from the heap and placing it on my tongue where it soon became sticky.

He shrugged, “beef jerky,” and took a stick of the treat and ate it.

“Eeerw,” I groaned, scrunching my face at my disgust.

“What?” he chuckled.

“That’s nasty,” I told him.

He just laughed his adorable laugh and picked out the last few bits of treat and handed them to the two pups sat intently at his feet.

“Okay, what now?” I asked him, continuing to eat my candy.

“Dunno, it’s up to you,” he said, standing from his aluminium garden seat to walk to the bin where he then put the empty packet of beef and our empty cans.

I thought for a moment before smiling widely. “You know what would be really fun but really cliché?” I said sitting crossed legged, facing him on my seat.

“What’s that then?” he sat again.

 

“If you won me a giant teddy,” I blushed, eating my candy to cover up my overwhelming grin.

He smiled back, “yeah, alright then, let’s go find a teddy,” he stood, taking the two dogs by their leads and helping me up. “So, what kinda teddy do you want?” His arm found my shoulders, only this time I wasn’t uneasy; I was completely comfortable to be alone with him; I was no longer uncomfortable with being around him as right now he was making me feel special... wanted.

“Giant panda. Definitely.” I assured him, continuing to walk under his arm.

“Okay, let’s find you a panda!” He announced so loud everyone heard, making me giggle hysterically and him to smile down at me.

Soon enough we found a game that’s big prize was a big Giant Panda teddy bear; the shooting range, “I can shoot an air rifle!” I told him as I leant over the counter and watched him prepare for shooting.

“Oh, yeah?” he smirked, watching me as I binned my empty stick and petted the two dogs.

“Yarp, you haf to when you grow up in farmers’ coun’ry,” I played a typical south-western England, farmer accent with made him laugh to the point of tears. “You don’t get it, we have more guns that you guys do,” I smiled watching him laugh.

“That right?” he spoke, wiping away his tears as he lined himself up to shoot the cans.

He failed several times before we were both in fits of giggles having another go; despite telling him it didn’t matter and that we didn’t need the teddy, he was determined to win it for me, before we were interrupted by the sound of voices behind us.

We turned around to see one face that could not have come at a worse time. Zacky. Brian’s entire body stiffened as he slightly stood in front of me, protecting me, gripping the gun tighter in his hand. He didn’t know about what happened at the garage; the last time they’d seen each other was at Brian’s party where, I’d heard, they’d had another fight.  
Jimmy was stood with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face behind Zacky, pushing him forward before speaking, “this lil shit wanted to talk to Lauren but his balls are too small to just walk up to you, so,” he shrugged, looking to me then Brian before beginning to walk away.

“Yeah, well – “ Brian began before I cut him off.

“No, Bri, it’s fine.. you go with Jimmy and I’ll catch you up,” I smiled at him sadly. He was reluctant to go. But soon enough he trudged away with Jim.

Zacky nudged forward, his toes kicking about the dirt between his feet. His body lurched over itself as his hands plunged firmly in his pockets and his head and shoulders nervously leant forward, “Look, Lauren, I –“

I cut him off, not prepared to waste my time hearing the same petty excuses, “No, Zack, save it. What do you want?”

“Just that, I want to apologise... for everything. I’ve been thinking about what you said and you’re right; we can’t carry on how we are.

We’re bound to be seeing each other a lot more now, whether we like it or not, and we need to bury that hatchet before it gets any worse.”

I wasn’t sure why, but I listened to him gladly. It was the first time he’d taken my thoughts into account or hadn’t said anything snide or demeaning. “Okay, deal. We’ve got to have some ground rules though if we’re going to be friends and not upset each other.”

“Sounds fair,” he nodded, smiling lightly at our progress. I smiled back as he answered, “okay... what do you want from me?” he smirked.

I smiled, laughing lightly, “okay, I want you to back off a bit and stop being so pissy and overpowering all the time...I’ve heard you can be real fun to be around and I’d like to see that,” I told him truthfully.

He blushed lightly; despite everything he was still undoubtedly cute, “okay... only if you loosen up a bit; you’re always so guarded and cautious and I know you have your reasons but word on the street is you’re a lot of fun to be with and I’d like to see it too.”

I blushed lightly too as he stepped closer and we both relaxed more. I still wasn’t sure about Zacky. From what I’d heard, his way with women could be less than brutal but from what his friends had said, he was one of the kindest, warming guys you could meet, and I’d much rather be a friend of the later. What made this all easier though was that he was trying; he seemed genuinely upset by what had happened and wanted to make it right, like he said, bury the hatchet. I was more than willing; I still liked Zack, after everything, and felt like we needed to be friends for any of this to work, so we spent a few hours just being friends. We found some small amount of food, went on the bumper cars, shooting ranges, coconuts, house of fun, ghost train; the entire time laughing. There was some awkwardness still there when we found we were getting a bit closer than we intended but it was soon laughed off.

“So, what happened to the blonde?” I asked him, referring to his bimbo.

“Oh, Cat?”

“If that was her name then yeah.”

He laughed lightly at my clear lack of interest in her, “yeah, we split a little while back.”

“Oh, how come?” I stepped a little closer to him as we walked along the beach with our beers while the other guys and girls played with the dogs in the sand. Brian kept a watchful eye and Matt caught on too.

“Let’s just say she wasn’t exactly a one-man band,” he told me. He looked as if he were going to break in front of me; I felt terrible for him.

“Ooh... sorry,” I offered him a light smile which he accepted gladly as we made our way back to the group.

“You guys seem to be getting along swimmingly,” Matt interrupted fairly sternly but still welcoming.

“Yeah, well, we decided it’s best for us to bury the hatchet so,” Zack cheered up and smiled.

The smile evoked something painful in the pit of my stomach; it seemed an exact replica of the smile that looked down on me in my dream the night before. I smiled, hiding the sudden stabbing pains in my lower abdomen.

“Well, it is nice to see you guys are friends, maybe these two will stop the scrapping,” Matt commented jovially in reference to Brian and Zack.

I smiled back at him as he flashed his wide, dimpled grin to us all before continuing, “well, it’s been grand, boys! But it’s time for Lacey and I to get back,” he announced as he wrapped his huge arm around the small woman’s frame.

“Yep, same as that; me and Cait are off too,” Johnny stumbled, also going to wrap his arm around Caitlyn’s shoulder, collapsing on top of her.

“I think it’s best if we took you two home,” Georgie smiled as she hugged onto Jimmy and smiled.

“Okay, well, we can take Zack home and Bri, you can take Lauren back as you’re heading that way,” Matt suggested and we all agreed.

We made our way up to the car park where everyone else had parked, said our goodbyes, and me and Bri began to walk back along the boardwalk to my truck. By the time we got there it was dark and I was stumbling with exhaustion. Upon getting to the door, Brian placed his hand on my back and guided me in, handing me my seatbelt, closing the door, and getting into the driver’s side.

“So, you still okay to come back to mine or do you just want to go home? You look tired and I think Hud wants his bed..” he asked as he started the truck.

“No no, I’d like to stay,” I smiled, “we might need to pick up some clean pants and some dog stuff though,” I giggled.

“That’s alright with me,” he smiled as he took a moment to fix his gaze on me before reluctantly focusing on the road ahead.

The truck grumbled into action as the bright white street lights illuminated Brian’s flawlessly sculpted face, his light smile enhancing his perfectly defined cheekbones and angular jaw. I watched him. His keen, but warm, chocolate eyes darted in his sockets as he concentrated on the dim-lit, empty roads. My chest grew warm in rapture as I brought my knees to my chin and I rotated my body to lean on the seat to watch him. He was undoubtedly gorgeous; I’d always thought that; as wrong as it may have been to pick a favourite from a band, Syn was always mine.

He was becoming all I ever dreamed he would be. At first he may have been cold and distant, which is what pushed me to Zacky, but now Brian was as sweet and kind and as goofy and as funny as I’d always imagined and I loved it. I loved Brian. I always loved him, in the creepy fangirl kinda way but my adoration for him grew every second we were together. I still wasn’t sure whether I was happy or sad; considering my past with men, any insinuation of a relationship shook was bound to worry me. On the other hand, Brian was the only man on the planet, that wasn’t my brother, that ever showed any interest and care and wasn’t out to hurt me and that both confused and enlightened me; Confused me that a guy actually seemed to care about me, but enlightened that it was Brian that did.

I fell asleep with Brian’s warm palm rested on my head as his thumb stroked my forehead lightly and he smiled at me, his eyes deviating from the road to my exhausted face. The white street lights, along with the moonlight, shone upon his impeccable features, making him look more perfect than I’d ever seen him. My eyes drifted closed slowly as the faultless view disappeared but the fondness remained, thoughts of this relationship spiralling in my head, but also relaxing me into sleep. One of the more rested sleeps in a long time.


	17. Chapter 17

The tickling sensation at the top of my arm started almost instantly. I groaned and twisted in the hard truck seat so that I was scrunched up against the window as my hand shooed the tickling away.

“Lau,” someone chuckled, “Lau, wake up.”

I recognised the voice as Brian’s and groaned louder,

“What do you want?” I grumbled, rubbing my eyes awake.

“I need to know which of these keys are the keys to your flat... that is if you still want to go to mine; I can drop you and Hud here if you want,” he asked with concern.

I shifted in the chair, dropping my feet to the floor as I stretched awake, “no, no, Bri; I want to go to yours,” I lazily smiled at him.

“Sure?”

“Yes,” I nodded, shuddering, rubbing my bare shoulders. “Wait, what are you going in my flat for? Why didn’t you just take me to yours?” I asked, my brows furrowing in confusion.

He couldn’t suppress the grin that found itself twisting into his lips, “you wanted me to get you pants.”

My brows instantly rose at his statement, “hang on, what makes you think I was allowing you into my panty draw?” I smiled.

“Well, I was kinda banking on the fact you wouldn’t wake up and question me,” he tried desperately not to grin as his smile stretched across his face when he blushed lightly.

That in turn made me blush heavily, looking away out of the window to avoid his cute face, “well then, considering I’m ridiculously tired and you’re both ridiculously enthusiastic and ridiculously fit, you can go all the way up to my flat to get them,” I told him.

His grin grew, “you think I’m fit?”

I groaned, “physically fit Brian; it’s a long way up and no elevator, now fuck off.”

“Oookay,” he took the keys out of the ignition and jumped from the truck, leaving me and Hud alone.

I shuddered, sat alone in the still, cold night, massaging my arms to try and stimulate heat. I looked out towards my apartment building and could have sworn I’d seen something big run from one flower bed to the other, across the door, and start to climb the wall at the side. It sent shivers down my spine and made my mind immediately worry about Brian on his own in my flat with that...thing making its descent. I quickly shook off my stupidity and put my radio on, trying to rid the thoughts from my mind.

The smooth melody of Scar Tissue by the Red Hot Chili Peppers seemed to flow through the speakers as the lyrics seemed to mimic a lot that I was, everything from:

Scar tissue that I wish you saw, sarcastic, Mr. Know-it-all,  
To:  
Blood lost in the bathroom stall, Southern girl with a scarlet drawl,  
To:  
Soft spoken with a broken jaw, step outside but not to brawl,

The song quickly brought small tears to my eyes as I thought of all my family and friends I left behind after what I’d done, moving on to all the friends I’d made and all the mistakes I’d made already... most specifically with Brian; how much I wanted to tell him, how much trust I was building in him.. how I’d hurt him already and how I was bound to hurt him with what I’d tell him.

As quickly as he went, he came back, small jaw-string bag and dog bed in hand. I swiftly wiped my tears from my face and curled back up onto the seat.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, a little confused at my sniffling and rubbing my eyes.

“Yeah, just tired,” I lied.

“Okay, well, let’s put some good music on and get you back and fed and then we can sleep, if you’d like,” he smiled at me.

“Sounds good.”

He climbed into the truck, handing me my bag and putting the bed on the back seats with Hud. I opened the bag, surprised to find that Bri hadn’t picked out any of my most revealing or lacy panties but just a few pairs of plain, black boyshorts. The fact he’d been considerate enough to not get nothing too...sexy.. elicited a warmth in my chest that I’d figured was my love and trust in him was growing even further, if possible; it told me he wasn’t going to try it on or go too far, not if I didn’t want to anyway. But it also said that he didn’t mind seeing me in them, if he were to see me, and that made me comfortable.

We’d been driving for a few minutes with the low hum of one of my Nickelback CDs playing before he said, “is all that okay? I wasn’t sure what to pick up so I just picked up the plainest, most comfortable looking ones,” he noticed me looking through the bag.  
Along with the pants, he’d picked me up clean socks and what looked like a change of clothes; a clean shirt and some shorts, “no, it’s perfect, thank you,” I smiled.

He grinned, “good.” His posture straightened as he looked genuinely proud of himself, making us both chuckle.

“I’m through with standing in line to clubs I’ll never get in,  
It’s like the bottom of the knife and I’m never gonna win,  
This life hasn’t turned out quite the way I want it to be,  
(Tell me what you want,)”

I chimed in to the familiar words of Nickleback’s Rockstar.

“I want a brand-new house on an episode of Cribs,  
And a bathroom I can play baseball in,  
And a king size tub, big enough for 10 plus me,  
(Care for what you need,)”

Brian joined in as he too recognised the song.

“I need a credit card that’s got no limit,  
And a big, black jet with a bedroom in it,  
Gonna join the mile-high club at 37,000 ft,  
(Been there, done that,)

As we both got more into the song, imitating the almost southern American accent (despite being Canadian) of Chad Kroeger in the song rather hilariously, dancing along, Brian leaned over to turn the stereo up a little.

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars,  
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard,  
Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me,  
(So, how you gonna do it?)  
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame,  
I even cut my hair and change my name,

Brian leaned over again, this time to turn the song up to the max, blasting it through the stereo to the point I could barely hear him singing; I could simply see him dancing along and singing, tapping along to the beat on the wheel. I could have sworn all of Huntington Beach could hear it, making me laugh uncontrollably, and going bright red with embarrassment as the chorus came in:

‘Cause we all just wanna be big rock stars,  
And live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars,  
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap,  
We’ll all stay skinny ‘cause we just don’t eat,  
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars,  
Get in VIP with the movie stars,  
Every good gold digger’s gonna wind up there,  
Every Playboy bunny with the bleach-blonde hair,  
And, well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rock star,  
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rock star – “

The singing, dancing, and laughing continued all the way home to Brian’s, the loud music gladly waking me up. His insatiable singing continued into the house as Hud near enough knocked him over in his desperate attempt to get to his good friend, Pinkly. Brian had a generally good singing voice but his Nickelback impersonation indeed needed tweaking, or be it just that song. As Hud knocked him over, he fell into me. I grabbed his strong arms and stood in the direction he was falling to let his drunken body fall to stop at my body, making him look at me. His large, brown eyes seem to absorb me completely, so much so, I almost kissed him, but the time passed when he began laughing hysterically, which made me laugh with him, although disappointed I didn’t get a kiss.

“So, what’s for dinner?” I chuckled.

His facial expression dropped, “shit.”

“What is it?” I asked, concerned, rubbing his arms.

“I didn’t think this far ahead,” his view was fixed ahead of him, “I didn’t think I’d be lucky enough for you to say yes,” he face looked slightly emotional, but of happiness, as he looked down at me, a goofy, tipsy smile spreading his face.

“Awwwe, well, let’s see what you have got,” I smiled, walking towards his kitchen, through the living room.

I stood in front of the cabinets, next to the island, as a strong pair of arms wrapped themselves around my body and a stubbly chin rested on my bare shoulder, his body swayed lightly.

“What’s up with you? How come you’re so cheery and... friendly?” I asked him, turning my face to look at his.

His chin lifted to look at me better, “I don’t really know; maybe it’s the little alcohol I had, maybe it’s the Nickelback, maybe it’s being with you,” he smirked, making me blush.

“Well, okay then,” I shrugged him off, looking to the cabinets, “well, congrats on picking the worst woman ever,” I told him.

“Pssshht, you’re not the worst woman, you’re the best for God’s sake. What makes you think you’re not?” I blushed again, biting my lip to hold back the giggle.

“I can’t cook for shit,” I chuckled.

His forehead hit my shoulder in defeat as he laughed, “okay, maybe you’re right, that’s not ideal for right now because I can’t cook either and I was kinda hoping you’d know what you’re doing, but that does not back you bad woman... necessarily.”

“Necessarily?!”

“Wait, no, well, I don’t know, I guess it’s kinda stereotypical but you’re a girl, you should cook, I was praying for a girl that could cook,” he hugged me tighter in his half-apology.

“Okay, okay, well, looks like we’ve got soup, spaghetti and mac’n’cheese for the rest of our lives then because that’s where my abilities end,” I smiled.

“Well, I don’t mind.. if you’re really prepared to stay forever,” he smiled smugly at me.

I laughed what he’d set off, not forgetting though. I still wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship with him, never mind staying with him for the rest of our lives; if we tried he’d probably leave anyway, just like everyone else had.

“Okay then, have you go everything for bolognaise because I can do that,” I put my hands on my hips and continued to scan the cupboards.

“Yep, I’ll get ‘em,” his arms left me and goose bumps formed at the sudden rush of cold air to my back where his warm body had been pressed.

I stood by and watched as his lean body bent and bowed as he got the ingredients and utensils needed for cooking the dish. I suddenly felt myself get all-too excited. I always thought he was hot but something told me I needed him; it had been much too long since I’d any contact like that and the last time it wasn’t a particularly pleasant experience on my part. Added to that, my love for him was surely growing and inside I knew he wouldn’t take advantage of me like other men had; I still had some doubt; paranoia does that to people, but if I didn’t think so hard about it, I believed he liked me almost as much as I liked him, and that he wouldn’t hurt me which, in times like these, was only fuel to the raging fire in the pit of my stomach.

“Oookay, tell me what to do,” he told me, standing at the island with all the food and pans in front of him.

“No, I can do it if you want,” I went to stand in front of him and start preparing when he took hold of my wrists and pushed me back against the island, heating me up.

“No no no no, you are the guest, I am the host. I will prepare... I just need a little guidance,” he admitted.

“Okay, okay, I’ll just stand and watch,” I looked at him a little disappointed, although I don’t think he picked up on it as he just smiled and said ‘good’ before pecking me on the cheek and returning to the food.

I’d become so disorientated by the light touch of his lips on my skin that he had to ask me several times where to start. I giggled nervously and walked him through each step to making spaghetti bolognaise. I helped him cook the spaghetti and minced beef as well as teaching him how to chop tomatoes and onions (which ended in lot of laughs as well as a lot of tears.) We then put the onions and tomatoes with the cooked mice and added the tomato sauce. He was like a child that had built his first sand castle on the beach and was so proud of it, despite it falling apart; he wore a huge grin and stood proudly as he dished up the slightly dodgy-looking food while I got us two beers from his fridge.

“Terminado!” He yelled as he waved his hands in the air before picking up the plates and placing them on his dining room table.

“What does that mean?” I asked as I opened the bottles and turned to put them on the table.

“It means ‘finished’ in Spanish,” he informed me as he opened the patio doors out onto his huge garden. He cleaned the area a little while I quickly fed both the dogs and took my seat at the opposite end of the table to him.

“Oh, fuck,” he huffed when he turned round to see me sat.

“What?”

“I was gonna do that gentlemen-y thing and pull your chair out and help you sit and shit,” he grumbled as he dropped himself onto his chair.

I giggled lightly at his upset, “Bri, it’s fine, you don’t need to be such a gentlemen; I’m not as bothered as other girls would be; I’m just happy I’ve got you,” I smiled, reaching out to hold is hand to comfort him.

He smiled weakly, “okay, if you’re sure.. I just wanna do this right, y’know? I don’t want to screw up again...” he looked down at his plate solemnly before starting.

I didn’t want to ask, despite my mind nagging at me in need to know, I could see he’d been hurt and I didn’t want to force that out of him; he hadn’t pushed me, so what gave me the right to push him?

There was an awkward silence as we finished our meal, which I decided to try and break when I finished eating, he’d finished a while before and seemed in deep thought as he played with his knife and fork on his plate.

“So, what now?” I asked, a smile on my face to try and cheer him up.

“I don’t mind,” he stretched, his arms flexing to settle on top of his head, the sight starting me up again.

“Well, if this is a real couple kind of date, maybe we need to learn a little more about each other? Ask some questions?” He seemed to cheer up as he became more engaged.

“Okay, you go first,” he now leant on the table, looking directly at me.

“Okay...” I thought, “how many brothers and sisters do you have?”

“I have one older brother, Mark, and a little sister, Jodie,” he smiled.

“Awwe, nice,” I smiled.

“What about you?”

“Oh, gosh, I’ve got one younger brother and 2 older brothers but they’re only half brothers,” I began to explain.

“Oh?” he queried, leaning back in his chair, his arms folded over his defined chest.

“Yeah.. Cam and Mikey are my Dad’s boys; their Mum died in a car accident a couple months after Cam was born, so Dad was left alone with them. Less than a year later, my Dad hooked up with my Mum; they’d always been friends but, they got married and had me,” I smiled.

“Aaah, odd considering how similar you and Cam are if you don’t have the same Mum.”

“Yeah, we get that a heck of a lot,” I told him.

“What about your younger brother?”

“Sam? Sam is the accident,” we both chuckled, “yeah, he’s only 15 so he came along a fair while after I did... that and Mum said she only ever wanted 3 kids and, with Dad’s kids, she never wanted anymore after me; she had them to look after as well... so yeah, there’s a fair amount of evidence to suggest he was an accident.. we just aren’t allowed to tell him; when he was younger he used to get so so upset.. he kinda takes it on the chin now; he knows we kid around with him but when he was little he’d go screaming to Mum and we’d all be in the dog house for picking on him,” I mused, going off on a tangent a little bit.

I looked up to see Brian looking at me, genuinely interested in what I was saying, “you sound so close to your family.. why did you leave?” he asked.

I froze.

I wasn’t sure whether I was ready to tell him yet. I didn’t want to hurt him and jeopardise all we had built. My heart beat fast and I began to sweat, my legs shaking as I rubbed my hands.

“Lau?...Lauren? Lauren, what’s up?” Brian reached his hand out to my arm to stop my shaking but I jolted away from his touch, “what is it?”

“I...I...I don’t know...I don’t know if I can...if I can face it,” it was then I realised my tears had returned, which made me sob more.

“Lau, I don’t mean to hurt you or pressurise you or anything but... I’m so worried. After taking you to the doctors today, your almost bipolar attitude; you go from being fine to snappy and guarded and upset, right back to being fine again.. out on the beach, you seemed so content then suddenly got defensive when I tried to take it a bit further. You seemed great when we got to the carnival, then got edgy when I held you when I was talking to the guys, then you were fine and fun when we were making tea, now you’re sat here crying... Lauren, I’m worried... I’m scared; I haven’t even mentioned all the times before today that you’ve acted strange. Shit, when you were here last; we were going so well, y’know? Then you just start crying and left, out of the blue... I don’t understand, I want to understand, but I can’t if you won’t let me in...”

His eyes had gone red and it looked like he was going to cry. I was shaking now, and he was knelt beside me, his hands on the table and the back of the chair as I refused to let him touch me. I’m not going to lie, I felt cornered... scared almost; scared history would repeat itself, just in a new, ‘safe’ environment.

“You know damn well why I left that night, Bri.. I know you do,” I forced myself to look at his sad, distressed face.

“What?.. Lau, you’re not making sense.. I have no idea,” his brows furrowed.

“Don’t Bri, just... don’t,” I looked away again, holding my breath and my eyelids and mouth closed to help stop the tears.

His head shook in confusion, “honestly, Lau, I don’t know...”

There was a pause before I gave up and reminded him, my voice hitching and tears falling, “my scars, Bri, y’know? The fucking ugly, permanent scars that litter my thighs?”

His head continued to shake, “Lauren, I...don’t remember any scars and I think I would remember them if there were any.. but either way, I wouldn’t care; you’re beautiful as it is; I don’t mind,” his words made me cringe; nothing could stop me from thinking he was bullshitting me.

“Stop, Brain.” I growled, getting angry.

“I just don’t get it..why would you say that? Why would you say you have scars when you don’t?” he began.

That’s when I snapped. “What? You fucking serious? You calling me a liar as well? They’re fucking there, Brain! I think I’d remember when it fucking happened! I was raped, they did it to me,” I was shouting but by the time I let it slip about the...rape I was barely whispering.

“What?” he was angry, “who did that to you?!”

I sat and cried, “it was my boyfriend at the time... he tied me up on a chair and...cut me and...” I couldn’t finish. Brian went to stroke my back when I jolted away. He went from being confused to just trying to help me, but angry it had happened.

“When was this?” he almost spat, trying to hold his nerve.

“I was 19..”

“Is that why you left? Here and home? Is that why you wouldn’t tell me?... is that why you don’t like it when I touch you?” tears began to trail from his eyes and it broke my heart all the more.

“Not exactly, it’s why I get defensive; I forget for a while then all of a sudden, I’ll be reminded and I clam up and get scared,” I explained, “I didn’t want to tell you because it’s not the only reason I left.”

He pulled out one of the other chairs, sitting to my right, one hand on the back of the chair, one on his knee, “can you tell me?”

“Bri..I..” I wasn’t sure; my mind had told me enough; I couldn’t tell him everything, but my heart was ready to spill all of its upheld hurt that it’s contained within itself for too long.

“Please,” he went to stroke my face, but when I shifted and held my breath, he stopped.

I exhaled heavily, calming myself for telling him, “well, the... thing... it didn’t just happen once..” I began. I looked at him, he was even more confused than before. “I was 15... so were the other boys... there were about 3 of them.. 1 of them did.. it.. the others just watched and laughed,” my breath hitched and I broke a little, tears streaming down both our faces, his hand went to stroke my hair to calm me, I froze a second and he stopped, but held his hand on my shoulder.

He was going to say something when I went to start again, “they had bullied me for years. You see, I had a hormonal imbalance which caused me to have more.. hair.. than most kids...guys and girls.. and they’d taunted me and ...touched me.. for years. Everyone at the school had their go, but these boys in particular did it a lot..”

His grip on my shoulder tightened as he spoke, “Lauren, I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be; it’s not your fault,” I tried to smile at him, “but they’re not the actual reason why I left..”

“Oh?...what was?”

“No one believed me. Just like you don’t.. or didn’t... my friends, my family.. they all called me a liar. I had no one. No one to support me; all the guys that did it denied it, of course. After my boyfriend, everyone thought I was mad.. or an attention seeker, one of the two. They thought I made it all up; did it to try and get attention. They thought that both cases were just so out there and mad and wrong, added to the fact that there was ‘no physical harm’, which there was, they just ignored it and pretended it wasn’t there, and that meant they never happened. I ‘dreamt’ them. No one saw the scratches on my back or the razor marks on my shoulders and neck when I was 15, and no one saw the cuts on my thighs and shoulders from my boyfriend when I was 19; I was the liar,” I sobbed, weakly smiling at Brian.

All of a sudden, he leapt from his chair and picked me up from mine, holding me in his warm, safe embrace, “I am so so SO sorry, Lauren. I promise I will never touch you, ever, unless you absolutely want me to. I will be there for you, I want to be there for you... I need to be there for you. I can’t let you do this alone,” he sniffled, placing me back on the floor as I sobbed into his shoulder. “Does anyone else know?”

I cleared my throat, wiping my eyes, “no.”

He held me tighter, “I’m sorry for asking.”

“Please, don’t be, you deserve to know; I’ve been so shit to you.. you deserve some answers,” I looked up at him, falling into his sad, but entrancing chocolate gaze. His eyes left mine as his hand came up to stroke my face while he admired it, and I admired his, my head gladly leaning into the comfort of his loving hands. My confidence seemed to burst as I leant up and pressed my lips to his. It surprised the both of us and we both gasped. An electricity coursed through my body, something I had only ever had with him. He seemed to pull away, as if cautious of all I’d said, but soon surrendered to my persistence. My hand climbed to stroke his neck and jaw as our kiss deepened. After a few moments, he pulled away, leaving me gasping for my breath, slightly disappointed, “why did you stop?”

“I don’t want to take this too quickly.. you’ve just told me a whole chunk of your life story, Lau, I don’t want to jeopardise that trust by taking you without your complete consent... I want to this properly...do it slow,” he told me honestly.

I looked away from him, disappointed; for the first time in my life since that frightful night at 19, I wanted a man. I needed a man. I needed Brian. I just needed to prove that I was ready and happy for him to have me because the truth of it was; I needed him to wipe my memories. My only memories of any sexual activity I really have are those two nights, and I need him to replace them. Replace the pain with pleasure. Their hands, with his. I needed him to make me well again. I needed him to save me.

“So, if you won’t let me have.. that.. what do you want to do?” I asked, pulling my body from his to lean back to the table to finish my beer.  
“Movie?” he asked.

“Sounds great,” I smiled, and it was genuine. For years I’d been hiding behind a false facade, a false smile, pretending I was okay, but with him? That was different. Even after spilling my darkest fears, my darkest secrets to him, I was happy. Only with him.


	18. Chapter 18

“So, what film do you wanna watch?” Brian asked.

“I don’t mind,” I told him, grabbing some more beers for us both and sitting to cuddle on the big, leather sofa.

“Well, I do. You pick,” he told me, sitting crossed-legged in front of his huge DVD cabinet.

“Well, I don’t know what you have that you’d like to watch.”

“Doesn’t matter what I want to watch, and I’ve got plenty of films and if I don’t have them here then they’ll be on Netflix or something.”

A large smirk stretched across my face as a film sprang to mind, growing wider when he turned to look at me, his perfect, warm smile radiating through the room.

“What?” he smiled.

“The Lion King,” I bit my lip suppressing a giggle.

His face seemed to drop, “you serious?”

“Yeah,” I blushed.

He groaned, picking himself off the floor and making his way to the sofa, “well, unfortunately, I don’t have that in my highly extensive collection of very good DVDs, so we’ll have to get up Netflix,” he fake-smiled, the sarcasm evident.

“What the fu - ? Are you telling me you don't love the Lion King? Who the fuck are you?,” I acted shocked, gasping, earning a smile from him.

“I was never a huge fan... but I'm prepared to watch it because you love it.”

I blushed, cuddling into his side and taking a sip of my beer as he picked up the remote and his glass bottle, turning on the TV. He found the Netflix channel and logged in, soon finding the popular Disney classic.

The film started and we both cuddled further into each other, my arms around his waist and my right leg wrapped over his, my knee resting on his crotch and my leg falling between his as he wrapped his right arm around my shoulder.

Our breathing fell into sync, until I caused his breath to hitch. I disguised my playing with adjusting my position; rubbing his crotch with my knee and groaning as my hips grouned into his thigh. My free hand ventured his chest and tight stomach, my body lifting so that my face was closer to his, groaning into his ear a little loader. His eyes fluttered closed as his grip on his beer bottle and my waist tightened.

“Don’t do this, Lau,” he scorned through gritted teeth; eyes still closed as he tried to regulate his breathing.

I smirked, “why not?” I began kissing his neck and his jaw, slowly making my way round to straddle him.

“Because,” his expression softened, “if you carry on, I don’t know how much longer I can contain myself.” His face turned to look at me and his eyes opened, his nose brushing mine.

For a moment I was lost in his gaze, completely entranced by his deep, brown eyes. “That’s just the thing, Bri.. I don’t want you to contain yourself. I want you to lose control with me. I haven’t had any kind of genuine male attention...ever. The only attention I’ve received has all been for the wrong reasons.. and I haven’t had sex in 3 years, and that was the..rape. You see, Brian, ever since then I’ve been scared of men; scared of affection; scared of love. But you’ve shown me a whole new side to men I’ve never seen. You’re the first man that’s ever seemed to...love.. me, that wasn’t my own family. What I’ve felt with you, I never thought I’d have. I never thought I could love or trust or ever give myself to someone. I thought I’d be stuck with the demons of my past and the memories holding me back, I never thought I’d find someone that would change that. I know we haven’t known each other all that long but, Bri I... I.. I need you. If not forever, then just for tonight. I need to know what love can feel like, I need you to save me.. before it’s too late,” I opened up to him. Tears threatened to escape my tired eyes as I told him all I’d been contemplating.

He didn’t say a word. His empty beer fell to the floor as his eyes remained locked with mine, his gaze was the most captivating mixture of pure love and lust. Both hands moved to my hips as he picked me up to sit on his lap, his face leaning up. Our lips seemed to touch for no more than a second before the electricity coursed through my veins once again. We both let out a gasp before repeating the process, the electricity slowly becoming waves of warmth as the kiss deepened. The warmth continued to flow, the spark returning as our tongues touched; beginning their battle. Our tongues explored each other’s mouths, just like our hands explored our bodies. Brian’s rough palms caressed my lower back, bum, and thighs whilst mine stayed to stroke along his jaw and the nape of his neck.

Soon enough, my hips started to grind at the feeling of him touching my skin, his fingertips lifting the hem of my shirt lightly. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered against my lips.

“Yes,” I smiled, continuing to kiss him.

Our moans slowly began to fill the room. Suddenly, Brian picked me up by my thighs, making me squeal. He quickly bent down to pick up the TV remote, turning off the film, before carrying me up the stairs towards his bedroom.

We reached his room and he threw me towards the bed, climbing between my legs. Our heated make-out session continued, my hips bucking to meet his, his arousal evidently pressing against me. Part of me was extremely apprehensive; this was the first time a man had taken me since James, back when I was 19... but the other part of me wanted nothing more than Brian inside of me, because along with all of the other positive aspects of him, he was definitely the most attractive man I’d ever set eyes on, and he wanted me just as much as I needed him.

We lay there for several minutes and I couldn’t help but feel that he was nervous to advance; it was almost as if he were waiting for me. My hands moved from gripping his white shirt, down his chest causing his muscles to contract and his breath to hitch, to slowly unbuckle his belt to undo his jeans. He groaned his arousal now able to grow a little more. He then became more confident, dragging my shirt up and over my head. He groaned again, staring at my chest for a small while. What surprised me most, was that rather than clamming up and becoming extremely self-conscious, having his eyes on me made me more confident. So much so, I leant towards him, sitting upright on the bed, forcing him back a little, to allow myself to unclasp my bra and throw it over his shoulder.

His jaw hung open as I leant back down on the duvet, tugging his shirt up a little and pushing his jeans down to his knees, releasing him. His shock quickly turned into excitement as his infamous smirk twisted onto his thin lips, his muscular, heavily tattooed arms wrapping around himself and lifting his shirt over his head. Now it was my turn to gape, my eyes fell and locked onto his strong, well-defined, torso, his muscles stretching. Wet heat instantly formed between my thighs as his body relaxed and he loosely tossed his shirt to the side, seductively leaning back into me, his lips attaching themselves to my neck, biting and sucking. My back arched from the bed as I moaned, his lips finding my weakest spot, his hands groping, rubbing and teasing me. He started leaning into me, pushing me towards his pillows.

Once I was comfortable, he kicked off his jeans. My heart started to beat faster as his hand left my chest and swiftly removed my shorts. His lips travelled down my torso, lightly licking over my tight stomach, his fingers tucking into my panties. Soon enough, his fingertips gently pressed into the small bud of nerves hidden between my smooth lips. His teeth nipped my skin and he smirked as I screamed, my walls clenching, my hands tearing at his shoulders.

“Responsive,” his course voice whispered, his hot breath on my stomach making me clench again.

His fingers tangled into my panties, dragging them down my legs. His mouth continued to lick and suck and nip around my navel before travelling back up to my neck, jaw and, eventually, mouth. We continued to make-out until I tugged off his boxers, finally completely letting him free. I broke from the kiss, looking in between our bodies to take into account how big he really was and he was either abnormally large or it’d been so long that my general measurement had been disorientated... or the men that I had been taken by were abnormally small.. which I thought extremely plausible, everything considered.

Something told me he could see the apprehension in my face before he spoke, “you know this is going to hurt...right?” he asked cautiously.

I nodded, looking into his concerned face, “I was raped, remember?” I joked, a small smile on my face.

“Okay... you still sure about this? We can stop if-“

I cut him off, “I want this, Bri. I want you,” I smiled, stroking his face and arm.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he still seemed concerned. He led closer to my body, his right arm tucked under mine to allow his hand to hold my head and for his thumb to stroke just above my temple to comfort me. His other arm was folded onto his forearm, his face beside mine, his lips kissing my cheek as he pushed my slightly reluctant knees apart and settling between my thighs, his member stroking me, my walls clenching in slight fear. My heart beat faster in the fear and apprehension of pain but also in the excitement of making love to the most wonderful man I knew.

“Okay, baby,” he continued to quickly kiss my cheek, “this is gonna hurt now.” He was extremely mindful, slowly pushing into me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, tears escaping due to the intense discomfort. Brian held me tighter and continued to stroke my hair, whispering to me, telling me I was going to be okay as he very slowly continued to push. I whimpered and shook in the torture, not used to that sort of pain, clenching every time he moved.

Eventually, he managed to bury himself all the way in. He picked himself up and hovered over me, “alright, that’s the difficult bit done,” he smiled, lightly pecking my lips, “you ready now?”

I nodded again, not able to verbalise my happiness and excitement. Gradually, he began pulling himself out. I hummed and clenched in a small discomfort, but nothing in relation to him going in; if anything, it was much easier; it was when he began filling me again that made me hiss. He started his thrusts, they were slow and gentle to begin, steadily picking up pace as I became more accustomed to the pain.

Finally, the previous pain had completely subsided to pleasure.. and it was everything I had imagined it would be, and more. Passion and love pulsated through my body, the pleasure building up in the very pit on my stomach, causing me to cry out in pure ecstasy. I took a moment to open my eyes, watching him. His eyes were screwed up and his mouth was hanging open as he moaned into the pillow beside my head. His arms held him up on either side of my body, lined with tattoos of monsters that turned me on even more. My eyes wandered further, stopping to watch him thrust into my highly sensitive heat. My body writhed beneath his, quickly climbing to my peak. All of a sudden, he hit a hidden pleasure spot buried deep within me. My back came completely off of the bed, an almighty scream tearing through my throat, my body colliding with his as I shook, my insides restricting around him, tugging him. His long muscle seemed to flex inside of me before his body went rigid and he quickly pulled out as he burst onto the sheets below us with a low groan.

His body collapsed next to mine as we both lay silent to re-gain our breath.

“Thank you,” was all I could manage as I came down from the major high.

“What for?”

“All of this, for being so patient and caring before now, to tonight and...showing me what I’ve been missing out on and –“ I smiled widely.

“You don’t have to thank me, Lau; I’ve wanted this for a fucking long time. I’ve just been so scared; I didn’t want to move too fast or upset you or push you away;... I really fuckin’ like you, Lauren, and I want to do this properly, if you’ll let me...” he told me, extending his arm to wrap me into him, my head weighing on his chest, my legs tangling with his, my hand stroking his chest while his stroked my shoulders and back.

“Well, I do want to thank you, because I’ve wanted you too; I’ve just been scared because I... I was scared you were like the rest...” I trailed off.

His hand climbed to the nape of my neck, nudging my head forward to allow him to kiss my forehead, “Lauren, honestly, I don’t understand how anyone could hurt someone like you; you’re phenomenal in every way; you’re beautiful, intelligent, funny... the way I see it, they’ve hurt an unbelievable woman, and ruined their chances of ever screwing her again,” we both chuckled.

I decided not to say anything that time; my thoughts suppressed by a yawn. “We’re gonna have to sort that out,” Brian smirked.

“Sort what out?” I rubbed my eyes.

“You’re exhausted too quick, we’re gonna have to build your stamina if you’re going to keep up with me,” the cockiest grin was smeared over his face.

“You’re a cocky asshole,” I joked, scowling at him.

“You make it seem like a bad thing; I know you fuckin’ love that monster and you’ll want it again and again and again.”

I laughed out loud, “well, we’ll have to build my stamina for that,” I mimicked.

“Does that mean you’ll have sex with me again?” he bit his lip, trying to hold back a wide, perfect smile, hope glistening in his eyes.

At first, I was taken aback; not sure of what to say – but as I watched him, taking in his unbelievably impressive features along with the sex hair, his long, toned, naked body, I was glad to do this again and again, just like he said. Although, I didn’t want him to know that; if I’d learnt anything about Brian, he could be incredibly cocky.

“Maybe,” I smirked, looking away from him.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he leant down and sucked on my neck, causing me to squirm away before relaxing into him. Next came a comfortable silence, until I suddenly became unbearably self-conscious as I looked down at my own body. Tears threatened to break as I snapped my eyes shut.

“Do you want one of my shirts?” Brian’s soft, calming voice came from behind me, clearly noticing my sudden upset.

“Yeah.. it’s just I’m not used to this and I’m disgusting and – “ I started to break.

Brian leant over me, his body covering mine as he shared a hot kiss with me, leaning over the bed to pick up the shirt he’d taken off earlier. He broke the kiss and handed me the shirt, laying back down on his back and pulling me to him, once I’d got the shirt on. I uneasily cuddled back into his side, only to have my fears subside as his strong arms wrapped around my waist.

“And just for the record, you’re far from disgusting; you’re definitely the hottest girl I’ve ever slept with,” he smirked, his eyes closed.

I hadn’t the energy to argue, but something inside me made me believe him. I wasn’t sure why; in my eyes, I was frighteningly ugly in every way, shape and form. But something about being with Brian made me forget all of that; he was way out of my league, but he.. loved me. Maybe not for my looks, but he cared about me. He didn’t see me like other men saw me; a helpless piece of meat. Tonight, for the first time ever I’d been able to have sex.. and enjoy it. I didn’t cry; I didn’t scream; I didn’t struggle; he didn’t beat me. Sure, it hurt, but all sex hurts; I knew that. He didn’t purposefully hurt me; he warned me before and made sure I was 100% happy. He cared; he didn’t want to hurt me; he wanted to make sure that I was okay. Shit, he refused to have sex with me before, but he did... and it was better than I could’ve hoped. I was glad I’d given myself to him; physically, I’d never felt so good; my body was still shaking in the pleasure and, to top it all off, I was sure now that I loved him. Whereas before I wasn’t sure, now I knew. Now that he’d taken me, I knew that I wanted to be with him in the long run; I wanted for us to work. I needed for us to work.


	19. Chapter 19

I awoke to the metallic shrill of my phone going off on the floor. My body shivered as I leant down trying to pick it up, realising the bed next to me was empty. My heart pinched when it became all-too apparent I was alone, finding my mobile and checking the caller ID; it was Cam.

 

I groaned as I answered, “hey, Cam,” I rubbed my face to try and wake myself up, my entire body was stricken with a numb pain which oddly made me smile, the memories of Brian and I’s first night together coming back to me.

 

“Hey, Lau, you okay? Feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” 

 

“Yeah, I know.. it’s been really odd.. I’m fine though, how’ve you been?” I asked, sitting up in bed.

 

“Yeeah, I’ve been good.. tired, though; prep’ing for tour and stuff, making sure we’ve got everything ready to go.”

 

“Aaah, yeah, when do you guys set off?” I asked, surprised I’d barely heard anything about the tour from anyone; Bri had mentioned doing some promo for the new album that’s out soon but nothing about the tour.

 

“Couple weeks; the album’s got to be released yet and that’s next week, I believe Matt was saying, so..” he confirmed.

 

“Ooooh, soon then,” I said, a huge grin stretching my face in the apprehension of the new album, “I’m still trying to get over the fact we’re friends with the guys,” I chuckled.

 

“I know, I was pretty star-struck when I first met them, despite them being really quite a small band; I’d heard their stuff and really liked them and meeting them and working with them and growing really close to them was just fuckin’ epic!, y’know?” he mused. “Speaking of the tour and getting to know the guys, how do you fancy coming along?” he asked, I could sense the smile on his face.

 

My jaw dropped, heart skipped, but not wanting to let on how excited I was, “I’ll think about it,” I smirked. I did have to clear a few things up with work first, but I knew that I was going to go.

 

He groaned, “really? Why don’t you just say yes and avoid the hassle?”

 

“No, Cameron, I have a few things to sort first,” I assured him.

 

“Okay, well, why don’t you sort those things out, meet up for a coffee or something then tell me you’re coming? Because I know you will, Lauren, there’s no way you’d pass up the opportunity to get on tour with Avenged Sevenfold!” he said, slightly patronisingly, “that and I know Jade is really excited to spend some time with you.. as are the rest of the girls.”

 

“They are?” I asked, in reference to the girls wanting to know me better.

 

“Yeah! Lacey, especially! You like Lacey, right? But they’re all really interested in spending some time with you and getting to know you, L... all the guys are too, particularly Jimmy,” he said excitedly, “I told you, they all really love you already, Lau!”

 

My heart warmed as I brought my crossed legs to my knees, cuddling them. Tears lightly formed, happy that despite the last couple of weeks and all its troubles, they all still wanted to spend time with me; they...liked me. I was accepted. I was a friend.

 

“Aww... okay... I’ll see what I can do,” I told him truthfully.

 

“Okay, I’ll give you an hour, I’ll pick you up at yours and we’ll go for lunch or something.”

 

“Ohhh, God...” the realisation that I wasn’t home hit me.

 

“What? Lau? Lau, what’s up?” Cam panicked.

 

“Nothing, it’s just... I’m not at home..” I answered, getting more and more awkward.

 

“Huh? Why? Where are you?” he asked, confused.

 

“Brian’s..” I told him, my head in my palm as I awaited his verdict.

 

“Aaaaah,” he chuckled, “is that right?” I could see his shit-eating smirk in my mind as he spoke.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did you screw?” Cam asked, unbelievably bluntly.

 

“What?! Cam I’m not talking about that with you.” I could feel myself go bright red with embarrassment.

 

“You talk to Jade about it.”

 

“So?”

 

“Did you screw?”

 

“Cam! Stop!”

 

“But did you screw?”

 

“Cam, fuck off, I’m not talking about this with you.” I was getting angry, but still chuckled at Cameron’s annoying antics.

 

“But did you?”

 

“Cameron!”

 

“He fucked your brains out, right?”

 

“Cameron, I’m fucking serious!” I laughed.

 

“That’s definitely a yes. You laughed.”

 

“Cameron.”

 

“Nervous laugh; you screwed.” I could hear the enjoyment in his voice as he tormented me like he would when we were kids.

 

“Fuck off, Cam, I’m hanging up,” I told him, grinning madly.

 

“You screwed Brian.” 

 

“Bye, Cam!”

 

“Or did Brian screw you?” He chuckled.

 

“We screwed each other. We took turns, you nosey bastard. Now, screw you.” I joked, hanging up the phone on him, smiling widely.

 

I pushed my hair out of my face, stretching before I got a text... from Cam.

 

C : Love you, L.. pick you up at BRIANS!!!! in an hour x

 

L : Love you too x

 

I laughed again, putting my phone back on the bed as I put on my boyshorts and made my way downstairs to see where Brian had actually gone.

 

As I got to the stairs the unmistakable smell of egg, sausage and beans stimulated my senses; my mouth watering in anticipation as my nose caught the scent of the wonderful food.

 

I got down the stairs and turned into the kitchen. My breath caught as my sight then stimulated feelings and emotions that were all-too new to me; Brian was stood at his large stove, stereo playing, and muscular back bending and ripping as he was in nothing but the plain black boxers he wore. He mumbled along to the song on the radio as he turned to the island where he had placed two plates, two glasses and the carton of orange juice. He emptied the contents of the frying pan equally onto the two plates and put the pan into the washing machine (giving me an unbelievable view of his cute butt, making me moan lightly,) before finally picking up a loaf of bread out of a draw, all before noticing me in the doorway. His gorgeous smile beamed, making him look even more attractive.

 

“Hey, I was just about to come up and wake you,” he told me, picking up the two plates and making his way over to the dining table, kissing me lightly as he passed.

 

I blushed heavily as I picked up the juice and glasses from the island and followed him, sitting next to him at the table, “aww, does that mean morning sex? Because if it did then maybe I should go back up and pretend to still be sleeping,” I smirked, stealing another kiss from him.

 

He chuckled lowly, turning me on again, “as perfect as that would be, I made breakfast and we wouldn’t want to spoil my hard efforts.”

 

“Hard..” I grunted, making us both erupt into laughter.

 

"Child.." Brian sneered, tucking into his food.

 

"Says you!" I gasped. “What about after breakfast?”

 

“Someone’s eager... that good was I?” Brian smirked as he ate the egg that was on his fork.

 

“Maybe I am, it was probably those boxers this morning; you bending over into the washing machine like that, damn, I nearly came right there,” I joked, smiling widely as he laughed.

 

“Well then, I’ll remember that for next time,” he mused, “anyway, you didn’t answer me? Was I that good?” he chewed.

 

I slammed my knife and fork down onto the table, “really? That’s all you think about? How good you are? Your dick really is as big as your ego,” I joked.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I was just wondering if you enjoyed it and glad about it, is all... thanks for saying I have a big cock though,” he was serious for a moment, before joking again; winking at me as he leaned over to take a piece of bread.

 

I laughed, “yes, Brian, I did enjoy it... thank you,” I smiled at him, leaning in for another kiss only this time, rather than it being one of lust, it was full of love, both of us smiling into it, his hand coming up to stroke my cheek before pouring us both a glass of juice.

 

“Good, I’m glad,” he smiled, “so, what are you up to today?” He asked.

 

“Well, I was kinda hoping to spend the day with you,” I told him honestly, blushing lightly as I finished my meal.

 

He sighed, “sorry, Lau, I’ve got promo this afternoon... you’re more than welcome to stay here and hang though,” he said, sadness filling his face and disappointment filling mine.

 

“No, no, it’s fine.. Cam wanted to meet up and hang anyway,” I smiled, reassuring him, “I’d like to come and hang tonight though,” I mentioned, giggling.

 

“Is that right? Well, I’d love you over for another sleepover,” we chuckled, smirking, “but cool, how is Cam? Haven’t seen him in forever,” he asked, picking up our plates and taking them to the counter before sitting back down next to me.

 

“Yeah, he’s good, that’s kinda why he wanted to see me though; we haven’t seen each other in ages and it’ll probably be the last chance for us to really hang out before you all go away on tour anyway, so,” I explained.

 

Brian’s face completely dropped, sadness consuming his face,”... you mean... you’re not coming with us?” he croaked, clearly upset.

 

“I don’t know yet, Bri, there’s a lot to sort – “

 

He cut me off, “I’ll sort it. I’ll pay whoever needs paying. I’ll sort everything out, I need you on this tour.” He told me matter-of-fact-ly.

 

“You need me?” I smiled.

 

“Yeah, everyone else’s girls are going, I can’t be the only one jerking off.. anyway, what’s the point in cracking one out while I think about you when I can just take you with me?” he smirked.

 

“Brian! Is that really the only reason you need me?” I said, a little hurt; suddenly paranoid that he really was what every other guy was like; making me fall for him enough to let him have me, for him to just use me.

 

“God, no! I was joking, L, I need you because I need to know you’re safe. I need to know that no one is going to hurt you and I need to protect you. I told you, I’m not letting anyone else hurt you again. I love you, you silly goose.. granted, part of that is that I want to be sleeping with you but that’s not the only reason I want you with me; I want you to come because I love being near you and I don’t know if I’ll cope if you stay here,” he said, completely honestly, making me tear up, “oh, come here,” he whispered, pulling me into a hug, “I love you,” he hugged tighter, whispering into my neck.

 

“I love you too,” I snuggled into his chest, letting him kiss my cheek before pulling away.

 

“So, are you gonna come along?” he looked at me with hopeful eyes.

 

“Do I have a choice?” I joked.

 

“No, I was just being polite,” he smiled that all-too infectious smile that sent butterflies roaring in my stomach. “Now, I am really sorry, but I’ve got to sort myself out; I’ve got to be at Matt’s in a bit before we all head out to do the promo stuff,” he half smiled as he stood, clearly sorry.

 

“Honestly, it’s fine, I’m meeting up with Cam anyway,” I smiled at him, standing up to lean up and kiss him, “I’ll be back tonight though,” I smirked.

 

He groaned, “God, I’m looking forward to that,” he spoke huskily, wrapping his arms around me and looking down at me, turning me on again, “are you sure you’re up to it? You seemed pretty done-in last night?” he smirked.

 

“You’re right. My pussy hurts so much I’m surprised it’s not broken and I ache fuckin’ everywhere,” I announced making us both laugh, “who said anything about sex anyway? I never said I would sleep with you again,” I told him, pushing out of the hug to grab the bag I’d brought that was left on the floor, unused.

 

“But you said maybe you would! Aaaand, you're staying over!" he pouted largely, his physique drooping in his fake hurt. “That, and you need the practise. I told you, we’ve got to build your stamina if you’re gonna keep up with me,” he winked, looking at me stood in front of him.

 

“Well, sometimes, Haner, you’ve got to learn to walk before you can run. This is one of those times,” I told him, patting his chest as I walked past him, climbing the stairs.

 

“I’m gonna fuckin’ make you run,” he growled, going to grab my waist as he chased me all the way back to his room, laughing.

 

Panting, we both re-gained our breath as we stood in his room, “alright, you want to shower first or shall I?” Brian asked.

 

“You know, part of me reeeally wants to shower with you but we’ll be in there forever if we do that... you go,” I smirked, making him smile.

 

“True.. okay, do you want to go after? If you do, I’ll be quick just so I don’t use all the hot water,” he suggested, going to his wardrobe and picking out clean pants, dark-wash jeans and one of his signature tank tops.

 

“No, no, you take as long as you want; Cam doesn’t care if I stink or not. That and I can shower at home anyway,” I told him.

 

“Maybe so, but you smell like sex,” he grinned cockily, making me smile.

 

“Ah... yeah...” I realised, making him chuckle as he walked into his ensuite and turned the light on, giving me another great look at his ass. “Well, I’ll see how much time I have, if not I’m sure he’ll guess and torment me for it so,” I chuckled.

 

He turned around again and leant against the doorframe, both hands clutching to the right hand side, poking his head out, smiling. “Okay, well, I don’t mind; I’ll try and be quick just in case, so.”

 

“Okay, well, I don’t know when he plans to pick me up so I may not be around when you come out,” I told him, edging closer.

 

Sadness lightly washed his face, “awh, okay, well, if you are gone when I’m out, I’ll see you later... I’ll grab some popcorn and a film or something to watch,” he smiled, “I might even cook!” He gasped jokingly.

 

“What, like last night? Forgetting to actually prepare anything?” I chuckled.

 

“Oh, harhar, Lauren,” he spoke sarcastically, “and no. I will sort something out.... if not then we’ll order pizza,” he smiled, as if slightly defeated.

 

“Yeeeah, okay.. well, you better shower.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Okay,” I leant in and kissed him. It was slow and it was hot, making me ache to jump into the bathroom and shower with him.. and I almost did, until we were torn apart by the sound of a car horn outside. “Ugh, that’ll be Cam.” I spoke, speaking against Brian’s soft, thin lips.

 

He sighed, “okay, I’ll see you later,” he kissed me again before leaning back off the doorframe and closing the door.

 

I let out the breath I didn’t realise I was holding in, my mind wandering to what images could be behind that door. Brian. Naked. Shower. My eyes blurred and my mind imagined the view; his strong, lean body bending and stretching as he rubbed his own perfectly sculpted body as the hot water cascaded over him.

 

I was ripped from my X-rated thoughts as the car horn sounded again, “alright!” I shouted, and I could’ve sworn I heard Brian laugh from the bathroom.

 

I quickly dressed, ran my fingers through my hair to try and rid it of the clearly sexed up look, before racing down the stairs with my things and jumping into Cam’s car.

 

“Hey, you!” He smiled, “so where’s yo’ loverman?” he winked at me, making me groan.

 

“He’s in the shower.”

 

“Surprised you’re not in there with him,” Cam sniggered.

 

“Oh, I was so so close, Cam,” I moaned seductively, joking with him.

 

“So why didn’t you?” he chuckled.

 

“You.” I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest.

 

“What? What did I do?!” he jeered.

 

“We were all making out and shit and he was in the bathroom and I was in the bedroom and we were both in our underwear and he went to pull me in with him when your fucking car horn went off,” I barked.

 

Cam erupted with laughter, nearly having to pull over the car as his eyes brimmed with tears he was laughing so hard. “That’s fucking priceless,” he choked, wiping his tears away as he continued to laugh as he drove.

 

“I fucking hate you,” I snarled, my arms still crossed.

 

“No, you don’t,” he smiled.

 

“Yes. I do.”

 

“No, you don’t because by the smells and looks of you, you got plenty of action last night,” he sniggered again, making me lose it.

 

“Oh, fuck you, Cam! Just don’t even fucking talk to me, you prick.”

 

“Oh, come on, Lau; I’m only messing with you.. I think it’s great what you and Bri have going on,” he smiled genuinely.

 

I blushed, smiling uncontrollably at the mere mention of his name, “really?”

 

“Yeah,” he grinned, “after all he’s fuckin’ done for you? I definitely approve. I’ve never seen either of you so happy. You know he’s had his issues and obviously you know you’ve had a bit of a time with it with the bullying and stuff.. I’m just really glad you guys are working out so well. You know I care about you more than anything and he’s such a good guy, Lau.. you guys are pretty perfect for each other,” he looked over at me, tears in both our eyes, his hand crossing over to stroke the back of my head.

 

“Thanks, Cam.. it means a heck of a lot,” I told him, smiling happily back at him.

 

“Anytime, bro,” he winked, making us chuckle.

 

For the rest of the car ride, the radio was playing, allowing for me and my brother to scream along to the words; the first laugh we’d really had the entire time I’d been in California. All of a sudden, all I saw was red lights before all went black.


	20. Chapter 20

I woke led in a hospital bed, a course of electricity surging through my body as doctors and nurses stood around me. The revival pads were removed from my chest as the entire room seemed to physically relax. One black figure burst through the crowd of white coats, his strong arms circling my neck as he sobbed.

“Oh, shit, Lau.. I am so so so fuckin’ sorry. I never meant for any of this, I.. I thought you were fuckin’ dead, I.. I didn’t mean for this. I’m so – I’m sorry, I –“

“Cam..” was all I managed to whisper as my heart beat slowed to a regular pace and my body stopped shaking, my arms wrapping themselves around my brother as he continued to cry.

“Okay, we’ll leave you to at it,” the doctor to my left spoke, “glad to have you back, Miss Smith,” he smiled before taking his clipboard and leaving the room which I realised was emptied of nurses and replaced with familiar faces. The border of the room was lined with Matt, Lacey, Jimmy, Georgie, Johnny and Brian and were all wearing the same worried face. Jade sat in one of the small chairs next to the bed as Cameron pulled away and sat in the other.

“Wha- What happened?” I managed to croak.

Jade looked at Cameron as he began to break again before looking to me and explaining, “you were in a car accident, Lau... Cam.. must’ve been distracted as he sped across the crossroads, not realising the lights were red and the line of cars ahead where at a stand-still.. as he hit the rear of the car in front, another truck hit... he hit your side but luckily it wasn’t to the front of the car; the rear door was obliterated but your door was fine... the impact knocked you out instantly and you’ve been out cold for a few days.. your health has been off and on the entire time you were out it’s just –“ she began to brake, as was Cameron, “this time something caused your heart to stop, a –“

She was going to continue before Cameron cut her off, “we almost lost you, Lau... I almost lost you... a couple of times, now.. my baby sister.. my only sister... I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean for this, I –“ he wept.

“Cameron, shut it.. it’s fine,” I smiled, “stop your worrying... how come you’re okay, anyway?” I asked, seeing as he was seemingly fine.

“It’s not, Lau; that’s the thing... your airbag didn’t burst.. it’s why you were knocked out, why you almost died.. mine did, I was fuckin’ fine,” he sobbed, “it was my fault and –“

“Please shush,” I whispered, holding my head; a headache forming.

“Huh?”

“You’re annoying as fuck when you’re upset,” I smiled, making everyone else (including Cam) chuckle, “seriously, Cam, I’m fine... I don’t blame you.. it was an accident; you didn’t mean for it to happen.” I told him, holding my arm out to stroke his bicep before he leant in and kissed my forehead.

“I love you, Lau.. I am sorry,” he whispered.

“Honestly, it’s fine,” I assured him before the other guys joined us around the bed.

“So, how’s the soldier doing?” Matt asked, his wide, dimpled smile instantly lifting the atmosphere.

“Soldier? I don’t know about that.. I’m a little.. shocked.. and achy but I’m okay,” I answered making everyone chuckle and smile at my reference to the revival machine.

“Good, I’m glad.. we’re all glad,” he smiled.

“And hey, you are a soldier. You’ve been a real trooper to come through this,” Jade chimed in, wiping away her previous tears and smiling.

“Anyway, we’ve been sat here for hours and I’m fuckin’ hungry. Who wants burgers?” Johnny chanted.

The entire room agreed and gave Johnny our orders, Jimmy and Georgie saying a quick bye and going with him. Soon after they left, Matt and Lacey went to get coffees while Cam and Jade went to speak to the doctor to see if they could find out when I could be discharged, leaving me with Brian.

He sighed as he wandered over to the seat that Cam was previously sat in. “So, how’s it been?” he asked as he slumped down to rest his head on his arms as they crossed over the side of the bed.

“Bri, I’ve only just woken up, not much has happened,” I smiled, watching him smile back.

“Fair enough.”

“So, how’ve you been?” I asked.

“Bored,” he huffed, sitting up in his chair.

“Oh? How come?”

“Well, you’ve been in here! I’ve been stuck with all of them lot for days and it’s sucked because you’re not around,” he admitted, indicating to the guys that had just left the room, slowly slipping down his chair.

“Aaaaw, Bri,” I smiled, “what did they make you do then?”

“Well, the launch party was probably the biggest thing...”

“Launch party?!” I bolted upright.

“Yeeeah, the album was released a few days ago, Matt and Lace threw a party,” he sighed, clearly not all that interested.

“I missed the album coming out?!... fucking hell,” I led back down in my bed, angry I missed the new album, crossing my arms over my chest. It was then I heard a breathy chuckle, “what?” I asked, a little too spitefully.

“You,” Brian was smiling at the floor.

My heart warmed at the sight, my anger subsiding, “what about me?”

“Your cute English accent when you swear, the fact you’re so angry you missed the band releasing the album.. the very fact that you’re even a fan,” he listed, blushing lightly as he kept his gaze firmly at his feet.

There was a comfortable silence as we avoided each other’s eyes yet smiled and blushed in the presence of the other.

Moments later, I asked, “So, how was the party anyway?” I looked at him, his body straightened up. His arm lifted as he scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“It was okay, I suppose. There was booze and food... everyone had their partners with them though so I was just on my own a little bit,” the corner of his mouth lifted into a weak smile.

“Everyone had their girls? I thought Zack and his chick broke up?” I queried.

He shot me a very confused look, “nooo... Zack’s still with Cat.. well, she was there and they were seriously making out, at least..”

My face dropped in slight frustration, “ah.”

“Why?” Brian was still confused.

“Nothing. He’s just a lying bastard... I don’t know,” I huffed.

He scoffed, “how come?” Brian smirked.

“Told me Cat cheated on him so he ended it,” I explained, “made me actually feel bad for him..” I said, wide eyed, sarcastically; as if it was hard to believe.

Brian chuckled, “yeah, he’s not a reeeaally bad guy.. he just has a few issues, particularly on the women front..” he explained.

We nodded in agreement just as Cam, Jade, Matt and Lacey returned. “So, how are you lovebirds doing?” Cam chimed with childish venom, purposefully trying to embarrass me.

Before I could even reply, Lacey and Jade were squealing with excitement, begging for the gossip, leaping onto the bed. I sighed heavily before both Brian and I attempted to explain where our relationship was, a question neither of us really knew the answer to. Jade and Lacey continued to argue with us on our decision to say that we weren’t really in a relationship, as such, and as Cameron fuelled their flames and joined in with the girls, (again, just to get on my wick) the conversation became gradually more uncomfortable for Brian and I as it became more hilarious to Cam.

Matt was the one to step in from the sidelines to calm everyone down; “come on, guys, give the two a break! Lauren’s just been in a coma for days, Bri’s not so miserable now she’s back, I know we all know something’s going on but let them work it out first, rather than you lot arguing with ‘em!” he suggested, releasing the pressure on me and Bri, although it was now apparent that everyone seemed to know something was going on.

“Yeah, anyway, even if there was something going on, we wouldn’t be telling all of you anyway!” Bri spoke up.

“Why?!” Lacey argued, “we’re, like, you’re best buddies!”

“Exactly! You’d just fuckin’ torment us about it!” Bri explained to her.

The room laughed, “yeah, yeah.. let’s be fair, we would.. I’ve already given Lauren a hard time about them sleeping together,” Cameron purposefully mentioned.

Suddenly, the room was filled with a collection of loud gasps and laughter as the girls began basically shouting for the even juicier gossip while Cameron sat in hysterical laughter, fuelled further as he looked at me to see me shaking my head at him, a deadpan look on my face. I looked to Brian to see him laughing, although slightly embarrassed by the light blush on his cheeks, causing me to smile back at him, shaking my head again in disbelief of the whole situation.

“Lauren!” Jade screamed.

“What?!” I laughed, giving in to their questions.

“How?! What?! When?! Why?! What the fuck?! When did this happen?!” she giggled, completely bewildered.

“Yeah! You can’t say you’re not together if you’ve fucked already!” Lacey called.

I looked at Brian again, both of us still blushing, he simply watched me, smiling. It made me grin widely as I continued to talk to the girls; “well, how? The normal way. Y’know, he led on top of me, got his dick inside, thrust until we both came.” I said, my blunt, dry humour showing through.

The girls seemed to get even more excitable as I explained it to them. “Whoa, whoa, that’s enough for me! I don’t wanna fuckin’ know the gory details, thanks!” Cam announced as he turned to talk to Matt as Brian walked towards them.

The room was full of conversation which was amplified further as Jimmy, Georgie and Johnny and Caitlyn came back with our meals. “Whoa, what’s this?” Georgie smiled as she approached me and the two other girls on the bed with Caitlyn in tow.

“Lauren fucked Brian!” Lacey screamed enough for the whole ward to hear as she explained to Georgie what had been said. Caitlyn, who thankfully was the quietest of the group, said a very quick hello to me (as she had not joined Johnny in visiting me before due to the fact she was working and had only just finished) while the other girls spread the gossip.

“So, how big is the oh-so-mighty Synyster, Lau?” Georgie asked as she perched herself on the bed next to Lacey and gave all the girls their meals.

“What do you mean?” I asked, opening my burger and taking a bite.

“How well hung is he?” she asked again, extremely bluntly, (I could see a lot of myself in her in many ways; we both had a very blunt humour.)

I almost choked on my burger as I laughed, spiting half of my mouthful on to the bed. There was a ring of laughter as the girls watched me, Georgie speaking up before I could answer her; “so well hung, she’s choking,” she giggled, making the rest of us laugh harder.

“That or so small, it’s laughable,” Lacey commented, sending us all further into hysterics.

“So, which is it?” Georgie grinned.

“He’s not bad..” I smirked.

Georgie shot me a knowing smirk and nodded, noticing my burning red cheeks. “That’s girl-talk for he’s huge, let’s be honest,” Jade surprisingly said.

All of a sudden, Matt turned up beside us; stood behind the chair Caitlyn sat in, “so, what are you girls talking about?” he smiled.

“Brian’s big cock,” Georgie answered with a mouthful of chips making all the girls giggle again.

“Is that so?” Matt smirked, “hey, Gates.. get yo’ ass over here a sec,” he motioned for Bri.

All the guys walked over as Brian stood beside Matt, Matt’s strong arm holding his shoulder. “What’s up?” Bri asked.

“Apparently, you’ve got a big dick.. I always assumed you were more woman than man,” he chuckled along with the other guys.

Brian laughed out loud, smiling widely, “show’s how much attention you pay,” he retorted.

"Yeah, Matt, Bri's dick's in your ass so much, you should know he's mighty-fine," Johnny joked, sending the room into fits of laughter.

 

"Nah, nah, nah.. The D's only for people that I consider valuable in my life," Bri smirked, looking at me.

 

"Oh, so I'm not special to you?!" Matt joked.

 

"No, but Lauren is," Lacey winked at me.

The room laughed again and continued their conversations, everyone finishing their meals before one of the hospital’s nurses entered and informed us that the visiting hours were almost over. A physical upset seemed to engulf the room as everyone realised they’d have to leave without me. Everyone gathered their rubbish as they silently cleaned up. Jade spoke as they cleaned, “you’ll be out in a few days, Lau, we’ll all see you then,” she smiled, everyone stopping to look at me.

“Won’t you guys be on tour?” I suggested. The room seem to become even more upset when everyone realised they would indeed be on tour by the time I was discharged.

“Shit... what can we do?” Cam looked to Matt.

Matt scoured the room, “you could always meet us out there?” he suggested.

“Yeah, we can pay for plane tickets ‘n’ what not.. you can meet us out there,” Bri smiled, now sat in the chair next to my bed, stroking my head.

“Exactly! All will be fine,” Jade smiled at me, stroking my leg lightly as a goodbye as she stood up and headed towards the door with everyone else.

There was still a hint of upset in the air but as everyone cheered up lightly as the plans for me to fly out to meet them were made. Everyone said their goodbye’s and waved as they exited, Brian softly kissing my temple and promising to visit again before he left as his goodbye, soon standing and leaving to let Cameron hug me and say: “keep your chin up, kiddo,” before he said goodbye.

All too quickly, I was left alone. The lights were turned out and the room was dark. My mind raced over the emotions I felt; the tear between being so happy that I’d made such great friends and the sadness that I wouldn’t get to see them for a long while yet. I was even more afraid of being alone; I knew I was safer in the hospital with the access to the drugs I needed but I was terrified of being discharged and not having anyone to occupy my mind while all my friends were on tour. My mind had a habit of straying quite severely when I was alone and two weeks was a long enough time for my mind to do its worst.


	21. Chapter 21

The week or so passed and I was discharged from the hospital. During my last few days, my nightmares had gotten stronger, although the doctors didn’t know and I was in no place to tell them. The after effects had gotten more severe; bruises and cuts being left on my body even after waking up, all of which were hidden from doctors to stop them asking. I’d had some visitors which occupied and relieved my mind during the long, lonely days; Mike had come up from the garage to see how I was doing (as Cam had told him of the accident.) I also managed to get some time off for tour. Brian also came up the day before everyone set off. I half hoped he would’ve visited more than once but whenever I did think it, the rational side of my brain kicked in and took into account how much preparation must go into tour and figured he must’ve been really busy.

When I was finally released, I immediately got a cab back to my flat and let myself in. As soon as I opened the door I was knocked to my feet; Hud was so excited he’d jumped and pushed me onto the floor. He viscously licked my face as he whined and shook, trying to get as close to me as possible to cuddle me. It made me laugh as I rubbed his back and kissed his head, gradually being able to stand up as he calmed down. I got in, set my keys down on the counter where I found an envelope from Cam.

I opened it up, finding a letter as well as some money and plane tickets inside. (I didn’t need the money but for whatever reason, Cam seemed to think I did so I simply accepted.) I pulled out the letter and began to read:

Hey, Lau. I imagine you’re out of hospital now and probably have Hud knocking you over in excitement. I’ve fed and walked him as much as I could this week while you’ve been away but he probably hasn’t been walked the last few days seeing that by now tour has started. Although, I did give Mike a spare set of keys, if you don’t mind, just so that he would let Hud out during the day to feed him and let him do his business. In the envelop with this note should be your plane tickets to Chicago City airport as well as food and taxi fair to get to the venue once you’re here. The flight is in a couple days so don’t worry about rush packing; we all wanted to make sure you were fully rested beforehand anyway. We’re ALL looking forward to seeing you,

Love,

Cam x

I smiled as I read the letter, excited about flying out to Chicago. I always wanted to visit (although I knew that with the tour we wouldn’t get to do much site-seeing) but I was still excited to just be there. I decided I’d pack right away; sort everything out for when I leave. I took the letter, the tickets and the money and raced into my room. I dragged the travel bag off of the wardrobe and dropped it onto the bed in the centre of the room. I then began frantically pulling clothes out of my wardrobe and draws, questions like: ‘how long am I going for?’ and ‘how hot is it going to be?’ suddenly flashed through my mind, panicking me; suddenly thinking I was in no way prepared for the trip. Eventually, I gave in and just decided to pack as many clothes as possible and for as many different weather conditions as I could think of.

After packing, I then realised I had no clothes to wear, other than the clothes I was wearing, for the 3 days I had at home and the flight. Defeated, I collapsed onto the bed; my legs bending at the knees and lifting up to my chin to lay in the feotal position on the sheets.

Unsurprisingly, I drifted to sleep...


	22. Chapter 22

My heart pounded against my chest like a frantic bird trapped in a cage. My feet pounded along the floor like a stampede of wildebeest running from the lion. My head pounded inside my skull in the presence of fear.

The shadows loomed and the trees stretched. I ran but still the darkness was closing in. He was here. The Demon. His red eyes, His white teeth, His black fur. He stood between the trunks. Appearing here, there, everywhere. Screaming, I ran with eyelids shut. Tears cascaded down my cheeks like blood escaping the carterid artery of a wounded doe. Clouds of white blurred my vision as frozen water vapour escaped my tired, burning lungs. The thicket began to increase, stray branches tearing at my skin like razors. My blood ran free, soaking my legs, arms and neck. Like a wolf, He was attracted; His face appearing closer now, drawn to the seeping fluid.

I continued to run, my body failing in exhaustion. My legs began to go weak, slowing my pace. I was breathing harder, my lungs caving in. I could feel my pulse beneath my skin as my heart worked over-time. But I cried harder. I knew how this ended. While I was losing, He was winning. My pace slowed, His increased. He was there. His presence could be felt all around. I stopped seeing his face. An overwhelming presence now surging behind me. His eyes burnt my skull, causing me to scream in pain. His breath could be felt on my neck and shoulders, scolding them. I sobbed harder but continued to run, the adrenaline giving me the energy to try and power on. I began to build up strength, the terror controlling me. The fear pushed me forward. My pace quickened again causing more cuts and bruises to litter my body as the thorns of bushes and branches of trees imitated claws, ripping at my flesh and clothes.

The woods got thicker and thicker, the branches getting bigger and bigger. The hand-like tools had torn my clothes from my body by now. They belonged to Him. I was to belong to Him. This was His territory, I was His prey. The ground was uneven and frozen, a stray root obstructing my bare foot.

I fell.

My limp body toppled to the floor. I tumbled as the flat, forest floor became a deep ravine. Bones broke, wounds deepened. I hit the bottom. As I shrieked, I writhed in intense discomfort. I sobbed into the frost as the dead foliage seemed to crawl into my cuts, instantly infecting them. I lay there for what felt like an eternity, my body trying to save itself; kicking and swinging to try and get back up. He would be here soon. If I didn’t get up and run, He would surely take me. My eyes scanned the horizons, looking for him. My pulse beat harder, if possible, in panic that he was nowhere to be seen. It made me struggle more, terrified by the silence, his lack of presence. Somehow, I managed to swap from my back to my stomach, the dirt infecting my front now.

I crawled.

As I tried to make my slow escape, it soon became apparent that my right shoulder was obliterated by the fall. I grabbed at the floor, only my left arm able to drag my body as my legs were surely broken too.

I managed to get some way, my crying gradually stopping as I began to move. The thicket began to clear, but the roots of the dead trees got higher, making the terrain even more unbearable. Some roots stood easily a foot tall from the floor, way above my head. After countless attempts, I managed to get my stomach on top of the root. I screamed in the pain of the rough bark ripping at the already deep, infected wounds that littered my front. I then rolled off, falling onto my broken arm, dragging my broken legs. I screamed harder, stuck on my back again. The pain was surely unbearable, but I could not stop. All I could do was roll over and do it again and again and again.

Eventually, my body gave up. My eyes seemed to be sewn shut by the tears. I was weaker than ever, losing more and more blood by the second. I rolled onto my front, sobbing into the frosty leaves. My hand tried once more to take hold of a root, but what it found surely was not a root.

A foot.

His foot.

My eyes shot open. My breath, gone. My pupils were fixated on my small, pale hand wrapped around His thick, furry leg. My gaze climbed his body, terrified. It climbed higher and higher, taking in His bony, 10 ft tall physique. His black fur was patchy and dirty, riddled with mange. The claws at the ends of His skinny arms were as long as His hands themselves. My eyelids squeezed shut for a second, my body shaking in the overwhelming fear of His face

My eyes opened again, this time gazing up at Him. His red eyes burnt into mine. I let out a small ‘no’ as he grinned down at me. His hand shot at me, His palm facing my scarcely clothed body. My back seemed to twist and my back arched, my lungs completely failing. I couldn’t breathe. I could feel my airways closing as I was suffocated, my body convulsing and shaking, the feeling of his claws piercing into my skin. But there was no initial pain, aside from my throat. My mind was so lost in his gaze that the pain of my wounds and my bones had disappeared. My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, gasping for air, although none was found. His gaze got more intense, literally burning my eyes. My eyelids so desperately wanted to close but I had no control of my body now. He did. The view of His face got bigger, somehow, as if zooming in like a camera. The trees disappeared, my eyes glued on his. His bright-white grin stretched from ear to ear, never fading. It was as if his entire body was on pause. His face was getting closer and closer to my own. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t cry. Everything stopped. The few seconds felt like forever. I tried to breathe but there was still nothing. Then, in a matter of milliseconds, his grasp increased. All 4, 6 inch claws shot though my neck like a knife through a steak as I heard myself scream, before all went black.


	23. Chapter 23

I woke up shaking, sweating. The room was cold and dark. Whimpering came from the side of the bed.

Hud.

He was stood beside me, whining and licking at the bloody wounds that littered my skin. I slowly picked myself up, leaning on my forearms, looking down at the sheets. My jaw hung open and tears stung my eyes as the patches of blood-red stains pooled where I was lead. Wincing, I dragged myself off the mattress, shushing my barking, leaping dog as my toes hit the frozen floor. Hudson shook in excitement; his entire body rocking as his tail wagged.

I picked some clothes out from my closet, (a deep, red, long-sleeved cotton shirt and dark grey sweatpants) and made my way towards the ensuite where I washed all the cuts I could find and bandaged the ones that continued to bleed.

Once I was done, I made my way out of the room and towards the kitchen, getting myself a bowl of cereal (despite it being the early hours of the morning) before finding my phone and going to the sofas to watch TV. I clicked the remote and turned on the screen, some mediocre US show I hadn’t heard of before played quietly. Rather than being upset or confused or angry about my dreams, above everything, I was tired. I sloppily ate the bowl of Froot Loops; often spilling the milk and getting it all over my chin and chest, too tired to clean myself off. The nightmares were becoming so regular that I rarely cared about them anymore; I often woke up bleeding or screaming. Now, unlike before, I’m more tired when I wake up than upset or distraught. Part of me thought it was wrong; I couldn’t understand how I could have such awful dreams and for them to cross into my reality and harm my body. I also didn’t understand how the wounds could heal so quickly; studying biology meant I am well aware that cuts as deep as these don’t disappear overnight.. yet they were. But rather than facing the problem, I ran away; just like always.

My eyes started to drift closed as my body began to shut down. My head began to nod as sleep engulfed my body...until there was vibrating and barking. My head shot up and my eyes widened as the half bowl of cereal jolted out of my hands and onto the floor. I grunted and cursed, rolling off of the sofa, patting Hud on the nose to shut him up as I grabbed my phone off the coffee table. Without checking the caller ID, I answered:

“What?” I grunted, rubbing my face to try and wake myself up.

“Whao, grumpy, what’s up with you?”

Brian.

“It’s 4 in the morning, you dickhead,” I grumbled.

“Oh, shit, sorry Lauren.. I completely forgot about the time difference..” his once cheery tone dropped to an apologetic one. I could see the smile fall from his wonderful face.

“It’s fine.. where abouts are you?” I asked, calming down and stroking Hudson’s head as I talked.

“Atlanta.. it’s about 7 and they’re making me get up, Lau, what am I gonna do?” He asked in desperation.

I chuckled, smiled even, at his reluctance to get up, “you made your bed, you gotta sleep in it, babe.”

“That’s what I wanna do!” He called, making us both chuckle.

“That’s not what I meant. You decided to be a rockstar, you gotta take the consequences,” I smiled

“Yeah... I know... but us rockstars aren’t supposed to get up till noon!” He sighed, “it’s not even late morning! I shouldn’t have to get up..”

“You may not want to get up till noon every day, Bri, but being a star is a job and I’m sure there’s things you’ve got to do today that means you have to be up,” I slouched onto the sofa, Hud jumping up next to me. Light slowly began to flood the room as the sun gradually made its way over the horizon.

“Yeeah,” he sighed, “oh well.. lucky ole you have nothing to do today, right?”

“You make it seem like a good thing..” I huffed.

“Isn’t it?”

“No. No one’s here to chill with. You’re all in Atlanta,” I put emphasis on ‘Atlanta’ as if making a joke of how nice it must be for them all to be over there on the road together while I was stuck in my apartment in California.

He chuckled, “fair do’s.. only a few more days though and you’ll be here hanging with us,” I could sense his joy and excitement as he spoke of my arrival, making me warm inside, “take the dogs for some walks, enjoy some time alone before the madness begins!” he hollered, making me smile.

“Yeah.. that’s all I’ve got to do anyway; Mike won’t let me back to work so..” there was a small silence, “what did you call for anyway? Wakin’ me up!” I joked.

“I said I’m sorry, goddamn!” he chuckled, “and I don’t know, just wanted to see how you were;...I’ve missed you,” he admitted, making me blush, pulling my knees to my chin and biting my lip.

“Aww.. I’ve missed you too,” I blushed farther.

“Are you blushing?” he smiled.

“No.” I lied, making me go an even brighter shade of pink.

“Yeah you are,” he taunted.

“Am not!” I refused.

“You are. I can feel it. Sense it,” I could feel his grin in his voice.

“Stop, Bri, I’m not,” I giggled.

“Sure. Okay. If you say so,” he stopped.

I sighed, enjoying speaking to him; cheering me up after the day I’d had so far. He never failed to make me smile; it was one of my favourite things about being around him. Whenever I felt bad or ill or upset, just talking him.. just seeing him made it all go away, even if only for a short while.. I was happy with him.

“So, how are you doing?” he asked seriously.

“I’m okay.. bored and lonely but okay,” I half-lied; I wasn’t really okay; I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know enough to explain.

“Well, as I say, few more days and you’ll be with me!” he chuckled.

I smiled, “oh, goody..” I said with sarcasm, winding him up.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he gasped, acting offended.

“You’re basic and boring,” I giggled.

“Is dat right?” he scorned.

“Yup.”

“You won’t be wanting to spend your time with.. uh.. mini me, then? If we’re that basic,” he threatened, referring to his nether regions, emphasising on the ‘that’.

I started to blush heavily again, “I didn’t say he was basic; just you,” I taunted.

“Well, he’s my best buddy and he’ll stick with me, K?”

“Sure. Say that again when he’s stood up on his own once I take my shirt off,” I joked.

“Ooooooo! Nice one, Smith, nice one,” he chuckled, “okay, well, sorry, Babe.. I gotta go; they’re calling me out for breakfast,” he sighed.

I sighed too, “okay.. have a good day,” I smiled.

“Yeah, you too.. see you in a few days.”

“Will do... say Hi to Cam and Jade and everyone for me,” I remembered.

“Yeah, sure.. everyone misses you a tonne; Cam’s counting down the days until your arrival,” I smiled.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you then,” I ensured.

We said our goodbye’s and hung up. A sudden wave of upset and loneliness washed over me as I got off the phone with Bri; I was never good at being alone. I was caught in a daze for what seemed like forever, thinking about Brian and the unexpected turn of events that have occurred since my arrival in Huntington Beach. Avenged, Zacky, Brian, the fights, the confusion, the job, the moving house, the nightmares, the demons, the past, the pain, but also the love, the friendship and everything that came with the Avenged Sevenfold family which I was slowly becoming a part of.

I seemed to find myself softly crying before barking brought me round; bringing myself out of my daydream. Hudson was barking at me. As I looked at him, he became more excited; his body rocking as he started to lead me to where he wanted me to go. We ended up against the wall beside the kitchen; where I hung his collar, lead, harness, and where I placed his food and water bowls, below the pegs, on the floor. Taking the hint, I filled up his tin with food and decided to take a shower.

I put my cereal bowl into the sink, crossed the living space and entered my bedroom at the other side of the apartment. I picked an new, black, cotton, long-sleeved shirt and made my way to the ensuite. I gradually began removing my clothes, being mindful of my already almost healed wounds. I then showered quickly and got dressed (despite the hot, Californian weather, it was still only 6AM and cool enough to wear long clothing to cover the cuts) , dried my hair, straightened it and went back to the main living area, after realising I had to change the bed sheets and putting the stained ones in the trash.

By the time I was done, Hud had long finished his food; clearly anticipating a walk. As I entered the room, he stopped playing with his toy on the rug and looked up at me intensively. I paused. I stared at him for what seemed like forever, until suddenly I began running towards his collar and lead. He instantly leapt from the floor and raced me. Laughing, I grabbed his walking gear, my keys, phone and purse and ran for the door, almost tripping over Hud’s huge size.

I then proceeded to race him down the flights and flights of stairs until we came to the entrance of the apartment block. Bending over to catch my breath, Hud sat patiently in front of me; allowing me to put his collar, harness and lead on.

As I walked out of the building, my phone buzzed in my pocket; yet again taking me from my thoughts. Taking it out of my pocket, I checked the screen on the phone to find a text from Cam:

C: Hey, dude, how’re you doing? X

I smiled, reading the text. I started to walk down the boardwalk and onto the beach as I replied:

L: I’m good. How’ve you been? How is everyone? X

As my feet touched the sand, I bent down to take of my shoes, taking Hud off his lead too. He bolted ahead, turning around and waiting for me to throw him a stick to chase – which I did. Before long, I got another text:

C: Yeah, everyone’s good, me included. : ) bri’s not stopped moaning and groaning and being ‘bored’.. although, he was particularly cheerier this morning.. something to do with you, perhaps??? ; ) X

L: Yes. He called. Nice to know someone misses me though, ay?! X

C: Everyone missed you, L, he’s just making it so obvious it’s getting annoying. It’s like he’s begging to talk about you; how he always huffs and groans whenever someone walks into the room, like he’s bored n just waiting for someone to spark up a conversation about you! >.


	24. Chapter 24

My thumbs tapped violently against the XBox remote as the disgruntled groans of servicemen and the desperate screams of civilians amongst the rapid gunfire and supreme explosions echoed through the room. The Call of Duty games had always been favourites of mine. The games themselves never scared me or made me squirm, but this afternoon I jumped out of my skin; not due to the game, but because my phone unexpectedly started going off. Skilfully, I leant up from the couch to lean over the coffee table to look at the screen of my phone whilst still playing the game. As I played, I let my eyes drift down to the phone for a second before continuing. From the screen, I gathered that it was time for me to finish off playing and sort myself out; today I was heading to Chicago!

I finished playing and tidied everything up; putting the remotes back, taking the game out, turning the console off, turning the TV off, cleaning the living space. I then proceeded to pack Hudson’s things; I’d arranged for Mike to take him in while I was away; it wasn’t until recently that I realised I couldn’t take him on the flight and I was not prepared to put him in a kennel, so I asked Mike if he could stay with him and Lexie, which Mike was all too glad to accept. I put his collar and lead on him, his harness in a bag along with his toys, bowls and food before heading to my bedroom.

From there I showered (as I hadn’t really moved in two days,) finalised my packing and dragged my suitcase and hand luggage to the door. I then picked up my passport, tickets and money from the counter and put them in my rucksack while putting my keys and phone in my pocket. I did a final quick sweep of the apartment to check I had everything before leaving. It was half past 1 in the afternoon and my flight left at quarter past 3. That left time to drop Hud off at Mike’s and get through customs with time to spare. The flight itself was 4 hours, 15 minutes long which meant I’d arrive in Chicago for half past 9 local time. I knew before I’d even rolled out of my bed that this was going to be a long afternoon.

I managed to get downstairs with my few, big bags and Hud in record time, all things considered. By the time we got to the bottom of the stairs, the apartment block’s security guard, Marcus, noticed my struggle and offered to help take my bags to my truck, which I accepted. We loaded the suitcase into the back of the land rover and put my rucksack and Hud’s bag onto the back seats while Hud jumped into the passenger side while I held the driver’s door open as I thanked Marcus.

Before long, we were heading to Mike’s. I’d rolled down the passenger window to let Hud put his head out, letting his tongue flap out of his mouth in the breeze. We powered down the coastline with the soothing sound of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Slow Cheetah pulsing through the truck. Hud seemed to lean back in his seat as he turned his head to watch me sing, his face looking as if he was smiling; enjoying the ride. The moment was almost too bittersweet; although the time spent was probably the best I’d had my entire trip, (; there was no worrying or paranoia, funnily enough, no other real people, no drama, no upset; just me and my best friend enjoying the Californian life for the first time since we landed), I couldn’t escape the fact that I was going to have to leave my oldest, closest friend behind while I toured America.

The fun stopped all-too quickly as I pulled up outside Mike’s suburban home. It was a large but fairly modest home (but still much larger than most you’d find in the UK.) As I stared, Hud began to whine next to me. I looked to him to find him sulking; he was no longer smiling but had his tail tucked between his legs, back arched and head bowed, eyes sadly looking up at me.

“C’mere,” I whispered as I opened up my arms and motioned for him to come closer.

He clambered over the small cubby box and gear stick as he sat on my lap, tail wagging quickly while his nose nestled into the side of my neck, his body pressed flat against mine, cuddling.

I wrapped my arms around his body and kissed his head, “I’ll be back soon, Buddy, okay?” I kissed him again, looking down at him. He looked up at me before proceeding to lick my face, making me chuckle.

I pushed his snout away and allowed him to cuddle again while I scratched behind his ears, “I’m only going for a couple of weeks; I’ll be back before you know it.. you’re gonna have so much fun with Mike and Lexie that you’ll barely notice I’m not there,” I noticed small tears escape my eyes as I rubbed my face against his, cuddling him further. “I’m gonna miss you, dude,” I croaked against his fur as I kissed him and continued to scratch his ears. He seemed to let out a long breath as a response, looking up at me and cuddling again as I pulled away.

I jumped as there was tapping at the window. I looked to find Mike and Lexie with her paws against the window, looking in, smiling at Hud which caused him to cheer up; standing up (on my crotch, causing me to hiss in pain as I pushed his foot onto the fabric of the seat) and wagging his tail excitedly, now smiling. I opened the door and allowed for him to walk over me once again and jump onto the floor to greet Lexie.

As they played on the lawn, Mike spoke, “Hey, Kid, y’all okay?” he smiled, holding my hand to help me out of the truck.

“Yeeah, I’m good.. just a bit upset about leaving him; I’ve never really left him any longer than a day before,” I gave him a small smile.

“Aaw, really? Well, he’ll be fine here, I promise,” he gave me a sympathetic smile as I gave him Hud’s bag from the backseat.

“Yeeah, I know.. I’m just gonna miss him,” I said as we watched them play, “well, thanks for this, Mike; I really appreciate it,” I hugged him.

“Aaah, don’t mention it, Kiddo, I’m happy to do it. You enjoy yourself on the road with all them big rockstars,” he rubbed my back and winked at me as we pulled away.

I rolled my eyes, “thanks, Mike!” We chuckled as I climbed back into my seat. I waved to them all as I pulled away, quickly finding my way back to the highway to get back on my way to Los Angeles.

I sped down the highway as my iPod found itself playing Avenged Sevenfold. I smiled at the irony as a song I didn’t recognise made the entire truck vibrate with its ferocity. I let my eyes drift from the road for a mere second just to check the title. Critical Acclaim. My smile beamed as I felt myself drift to cloud nine; forgetting for the moment that I’d become friends with the guys and simply enjoying the skill and talent of the band. Being a fan. My fingers tapped the steering wheel and my head banged all the way to LA; occasionally singing along with the songs I did know.

I got to LAX in no time. I took my iPod from the radio and plugged my earphones in, placing them in my ears. I proceeded to put my rucksack on my back and drag my suitcase from the truck. I then got a 3 week parking ticket (because they had those...) and locked all the doors. I then had to double-check I had everything, again, as I kept panicking I’d forgotten something. I then made my way to the front of the airport and continued in to go through customs.


	25. Chapter 25

I got through customs okay and soon found myself at duty-free. It was quarter to 3 and, in my eyes, I’d got there by the skin of my teeth. I’d managed to find the time to have a quick beer before my flight was called. I quickly grabbed my hand luggage and made my way to the gate which my flight would be leaving from. The crew slowly started letting people board the plane. It seemed like forever before they called me out and I was let through. I got through the gate and walked the long, steel corridor to the door of the plane. Once there, the cabin crew directed me to my seat, next to a window (I’d asked Cam specifically for a window seat in fear of getting claustrophobic; particularly with having to sit next to a stranger and I hoped that being able to look out to the clouds would make things a lil easier.)

Soon after, a tall, bearded, dark haired man donning an old Megadeth shirt took the seat beside me with a fantastic smile. I returned the smile and shuffled myself to let him sit.

After a few fairly awkward moments, “Hey.. Avenged Sevenfold fan, are we?” he leant in and said quietly, motioning his eyes to the iPod I held firmly in my hands.

I panicked. What was I supposed to say without either seeming like an obsessed groupie or like I was trying to impress him by bigging myself up? I decided to try and make my relationships with the band smaller than they were in an attempt to not seem like a prick.

“Yeah, they’re good, I guess,” I smiled weakly as I looked back down at the scrolling band name on the screen of the iPod.

“Must be a pretty big guess if you’re travelling all the way from LA to Chicago with a VIP pass for one of their shows,” he smiled cockily, reminding me vaguely of Brian.

Alas, I had been caught out, I smiled, “yeeah, my brother’s their roadie, I’m meeting him out there,” I replied with a defeated smile.

“Dude, that’s awesome! So, does that mean you’ve met the band? I’m not gonna lie, I’m a fairly big fan myself,” he grinned.

“Yeah, once or twice, I’m not really close with them though,” I lied; me and Bri were pretty close...

“Still, that’s so cool,” he smiled at himself.

There was a silence.

“So, what are you doing travelling to Chicago?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m heading back; I live in Chicago; I was in LA for work,” he smiled.

I blushed slightly in embarrassment for assuming, “aaah.... so what do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer,” he nodded.

“Odd, you don’t seem the conservative type..”

“How come?” he quizzed.

I panicked again, how was I supposed to answer now without seeming like a judgemental ass? “Oh, it’s just... the.. the tattoos and the shirt and –“

He laughed, “fair do’s; I must admit, it’s the only bad bit of the job; I kinda have to cover up my true self a lot,” he smiled, “the only side I do get to show is my argumentative side,” we chuckled.

Another silence.

“What about you? What do you do?” he asked.

“Oh,” my heart sank a lil’ I didn’t have any great, big, high-paying job; I was about to be made to look like a real scrounging un-achiever, in comparison to him, “I’m... I’m a mechanic...”

“Awesome! I love cars! Hot-rod’s are great,” he smiled, “my Dad was a huge car fan; he used to race,” he reminisced, “... he used to take me out with him when I was a kid....”

Something inside me told me that his Dad wasn’t around anymore; the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes suggested loss as his body was now slumped. I would’ve asked if it not for the overwhelming feeling that this wasn’t a question I should be asking.

“Sounds great,” I smiled at him, earning a smile in return.

More silence.

“So, where are you from? You definitely don’t sound local,” he asked, trying to get himself out of the slump that he’d arrived in when talking about his Dad.

“England, originally, but it sucked a lot so I’ve moved to Cali to be with my brother,” I nodded.

“Awesome! I’ve always wanted to visit England.. how come you left?”

“Family...”

He seemed to get the message quickly as I looked away, immediately realising that this wasn’t a conversation that we should pursue, much like I was with his father.

“So, how are you liking America?” he smiled cockily.

“It’s great, it’s been difficult adjusting but it’s worth it,” I smiled, a sense of acceptance and warmth rushing over me as I finally felt that I was enjoying living here.

 

 

A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long again, guys... I'm still going through a lot of shit... I know that's my excuse every time but whenever it never seems to end... Anyway, I think about you guys all the time and I feel terrible that I can never seem to update.. Im not even sure there is anyone reading this anymore... but I'm trying my hardest to write as much as I can for you.. I'm writing now and I'm ging to write as much as I can, a couple chapters I hope, so that even when I'm not in the mood to write, I've got something to update for you all... All the love, Nat xx


	26. Chapter 26

The mystery man and I continued to talk for the remainders of the flight; I found out that he has a boxer dog he named Boxer (I also found that he wasn’t the most imaginative.) I learned that his mother makes the best cookies in the country and that she owns a small bakery in the heart of the city. He even invited me over to try them and that I should bring Cam and the band over too. Unfortunately, I had to decline as I already knew that by this time tomorrow, we’d be in a completely new state and there would be no time for things like that. Disappointed though I was, he had ensured that he’d try and get tickets for the show tonight and we’d meet afterwards for as long as I could before we had to leave.

I was extremely grateful for the conversation; it calmed me. I was so worried about sitting next to someone, having that someone be so interesting and so willing to talk was great.

We neared the end of customs after landing in Chicago. We fairly awkwardly said our goodbyes and went to turn in opposite directions before he called: “hey!” he ran to catch up with me, “I didn’t get your name.”

I blushed, “Lauren.. I’m Lauren,” I smiled.

“Well, hey Lauren.. I’m Greg,” he smiled widely. A smile that was reminding me more and more of Brian the more I looked at it.

“Hey,” I awkwardly smiled at him.

“Hey, um, I feel kinda bad letting you get a taxi all on your own in a country you don’t understand, nevermind a city you don’t understand... you want to share?” he seemed fairly honest but I panicked. And I panicked hard. I shouldn’t be getting into taxi’s with men I’d barely known a few hours.

I shook my head vigorously as my palms sweat, “no, I... I.. I’m sorry,” I picked up my bag and began to speed away as fast as I could.

He grabbed my arm and I screamed. Everyone stared at us which made things all the worse. I was suddenly embarrassed and scared and wanted to fall out right there and then. Security slowly tried to make their way towards us.

Greg, as I now knew he was called, retracted his arm and hissed, “what the fuck?”

All of a sudden, a giant of a man was stood to my left, dressed in black trousers, a blue polo with the word ‘security’ written in bold white across the chest, “is everything okay here?” he growled, scowling at Greg.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I didn’t touch her; I only offered to share a taxi with her,” as he spoke, Greg seemed to realise what he was saying as his face dropped vaguely.

“Is that so?” the giant spoke sceptically, crossing his arms in front of Greg.

“You know what? Lauren, I’m sorry... I’ll go..” he leaned around the security guard to talk to me before picking up his bags and walking away.

The guard turned to me slowly, keeping his eyes on Greg to make sure he was out of the airport, “you okay, Miss?” he asked, in a very new type of American accent; nothing like the Californian I had grown used to.

“Yeah.. yeah, I’m fine.. it just shocked me..” I told him, rubbing the arm Greg had grabbed.

“Are you sure?” the guard asked, placing his large hand on my shoulder, making me jolt slightly but soon calm after meeting his eyes that were full of kindness and security.

“Yeah,” I managed a smile, “as I said, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Okay... where are you heading? I can get a colleague of mine to drop you off if you’d rather that than taking a taxi?” he offered politely.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to be a bother...”

“Of course! You wouldn’t be a bother! In fact, if you’d rather I took you to where you need, I’m sure I could be let off early,” he smiled sweetly.

“Thank you,” I returned the smile.

\-----

We made our way towards the security desk before the guard radioed who I had assumed was his boss. After speaking, he picked up his keys from the safe below the desk and guided me out of the airport through the staff exit.

Once at his car, the guard opened the passenger side door for me to get in before taking my bags and placing them in the trunk.

“So, I suppose I should introduce myself now, I’m Buddy,” he smiled warmly.

“Hey, uh, I’m Lauren... sorry about all this I –“

“Shush, it’s fine; it’s my job to help damsels in distress,” he smiled again, only this time what he said sent chills up my spine and made me start to panic again.

“So, where are we heading?” he asked as he turned on the ignition.


End file.
